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Overall Rating
2.67

Awesome: 9.76%
Worth A Look: 25%
Average: 18.29%
Pretty Bad: 16.46%
Total Crap30.49%

10 reviews, 104 user ratings


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End of Days
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by the Grinch

"'I just hope the working title wasn't 'End of Careers''"
2 stars

This must've been Peter Hyams looking at his inbox: "Hmm...proposed projects: 'Rambo vs. Buddha'?...Mmm, No. 'Kung Fu Krishna'?...no, that was called 'Kickboxer'...'Arnold vs. Satan'? Hmmm...Note to self, give Arnold Schwarzeneggar's agent a call!"

(If you actually think an action flick can be ruined by spoilers, then I suggest you drop this review as if it were Jim Varney and Roseanne Barr's illegitimate baby)

The world is seething with pre-millenial tension. It is prophecized somewhere (I say somewhere, because damned if I can find it in the bible or any books by that nostrildamus guy) that a woman will be born to bear Satan's love child, and once that child is born, Hell will be a place on Earth...or something like that. The only thing standing in Ole Scratch's way is ex-cop-turned-bodyguard 'Jericho Cain'. Why he's named after a biblical city and a guy who killed his brother is beyond me, maybe the writer pulled out a bible, closed his eyes, and dropped the finger...if you're finicky about your action flicks, you may wanna drop the finger yourself after seeing this.

While most of the movie really wasn't all that bad, I just couldn't help but feel like the writers didn't use their imaginations enough...there were tons of things they could've done, they could've pulled out all the stops, but they just took the safe, restrained road...and to boot, they tried to staple a message to everything...please guys, leave stuff like that to Scorsese, ok?

The action itself was pretty much what you'd expect. Lots of explosions, guns, male bonding, turkish baths...ok, I made up the male bonding part. But there's one prerequisite I need if stuff blows up in a movie: There has to be a REASON stuff blows up! There's like a hundred sequences where Gabriel Byrne walks away from something as it blows up behind him...and I just don't buy that it's "Gabriel's Fire". Bruce Willis just jumping off a skyscraper as some unspecified object explodes dramatically behind him wouldn't have cut it in Die Hard, and it doesn't cut it here. It's almost as if the writers were brainstorming: "Well, he's the Prince of Darkness, we can't have him posess someone, violate women, bust up bar mitzvahs, do all this crazy stuff and then have him just non-chalantly leave the restaurant, he needs a dramatic exit...I KNOW, we'll just blow it up!" LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ELVIS AND LUCIFER HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING.

Does Satan have Iron Maiden's pyrotechnics crew or what? I can see it now- TONIGHT AT THE COLISSEUM, BEELZEBUB: THE 1999 END OF WORLD TOUR! "Hello New York! We are LEGION!" (Huge Explosion, distorted minor key guitar riff starts, a leather pants wearin' Gabriel Byrne starts singing in a falsetto-sustained note-heavy metal voice) Yeah, Rock'n'Roll! Oh sorry, I just realized this entire paragraph was unnecessary.

Why is it the Devil can walk right through exploding, flame spewing buildings yet can't handle a few rounds from a machine gun? And how come Satan chose Gabriel Byrne anyway? If Satan's such a badass, why does he need to posess a guy with bodyguards?
What rhyme or reason is there in that? I have a hard time believing the Guy-Down-Under (And I don't mean Oz, all resemblances aside) is so disorganized. Why didn't he just posess Robin Tunney's gynecologist or dentist? "Okay, I'm going to give you something for the pain...OOPS! My penis accidentally fell into your vagina! And your chocolate fell into my peanut butter! Pleased to meet you! Exit STAGE LEFT!"...

The CGI effects were actually very well placed. For the most part, everything was pretty subtle, and there was a particular "orgy" dream scene where the use of computer effects were put to the creepiest use since Terminator2...or Sperminator2, depending on your viewpoint.

The actors as well really aren't at fault for the lukewarm reception from me. And yes, I'd have to agree that Udo Kier would've been a superb Prince of Darkness, but ever since the Warhol days it seems like the Studios only want to put him in roles where he plays a snivelling yesman. Really, count on your hands the number of times this guy's played a character that went out like a beezatch...okay, better get out the abacus! And as much as I'd like Robin Tunney to carry my own demonspawn, I have to say she looked lost throughout half the film...blander than James Spader eating a vanilla ice cream cone, but it's not really her fault. And yes, Virgina, there is a Satan, and he's actually played up very nicely by Gabriel Byrne. Byrne's portrayal of evil incarnate seems like an accurate one: smarmy, over-confident, patient when seducing and quick to destroy, Byrne's version of Satan was pretty impressive: This is a persona you'd undoubtedly develop after a near eternity in hell surrounded by sycophant succubi and incubi. Oh wait, am I talking about Lucifer here or George Lucas?

Even Arnold does a decent job, spouting his lines with austrian-tinged gusto. It's the same role he's played for over a decade, but hey, Arnie's got bills to pay too. I do have this to say: ARNOLD, STOP WITH THE MODERN DRAMA! You just can't do it! That's ok, JUST KNOW YOUR LIMITS!

The main problem is the script and Peter Hyams' generic direction. Taking a tab of acid and then combing the scripts for 'Seventh Sign', 'Rosemary's Baby', and 'Raw Deal' do not make a very interesting movie. The stupid sub-plot involving Arnold and his family was one blow...jeezus, I could almost hear the violins start when they had a flashback scene involving his wife and kid! The final death blow, what took away any possibility of a 'Worth a look' rating from me is the last quarter of the film. It all just ran out of steam, and it soon became evident just how ludicrous the entire premise is. Arnold vs. Satan? What's next? Freddy Krueger vs. GOD? James Bond vs. Aliens? Jackie Chan vs. the Twelve Apostles? Now THAT would be a kickin' movie!

(Mimicking Voice of Satan) Stop delaying the inevitable, Ahnuld! Make Conan3, NOW, before you're playing shuffle board in a nursing home with Gary Busey!

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=798&reviewer=156
originally posted: 12/03/99 17:24:09
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User Comments

10/30/16 morris campbell it rips of the exorcist & and rosemarys baby good effects though still it sux 1 stars
7/28/14 The Hammer Schwarzenegger crucified! Satan fuses a mother & daughter during an orgy! Devilishly Good 4 stars
3/14/10 PAUL SHORTT NASTY AND OVER-THE-TOP 1 stars
8/29/09 the dork knight The Devil Pees gasoline? 4 stars
8/13/08 Shaun Wallner Great Action!! 5 stars
8/10/08 Bnorm I wouldnt have elected him after seeing this turd thats for sure 1 stars
10/24/07 Ivana Mann The best of the worst laugh-till-you-pee millenium "thrillers." 1 stars
4/24/07 Indrid Cold Byrne never actually does anything cool. Contrast with Al Pacino in Devil's Advocate. 2 stars
1/16/07 David Pollastrini saw it but have no memory so it must have sucked 3 stars
2/20/06 Ronin Horrible script from the purely logical point of view. Arnold OK, Robin Tunney v. cute. 2 stars
10/30/05 chris good film i enjoyed it fully 5 stars
2/11/05 Jeff Anderson All I could possibly say is, I liked it a lot better than STIGMATA & LOST SOULS! FUN!!!!!!! 4 stars
4/29/04 X Just terrible 1 stars
3/17/04 Brando FAH! 1 stars
2/10/04 Whatevr This movie caused my eyes to bleed 1 stars
11/29/03 john end of arnold 1 stars
9/10/03 Dreafre As a friday night TV diversion it has its moments 4 stars
3/04/03 Jack Sommersby Uneven and silly, but also very entertaining. A guilty pleasure. 4 stars
1/14/03 CAPTAIN FOX GREAT FILM OVERALL ARNOULDS BEST EVER 5 stars
10/27/02 MarktheShark6 Hey, at least the soundtrack was decent, right? 1 stars
7/12/02 KMG When they say end of days they really mean end of good movies 3 stars
4/06/02 Junshi Um...I'm not sure I remember anything but errm...the plot is utterly worthless. 1 stars
3/29/02 Evan The Critic I'll go to church when I want to learn about the bible. Go rent Total Recall instead 2 stars
3/02/02 Alan Smithee Nothing but a complete pile of shit. 1 stars
1/14/02 Magnum Craphole The most embarassing thing Arnold ever did. Pure garbage. 1 stars
12/15/01 Cracked head One of the stupidest movies ever made. 1 stars
11/30/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Poor Byrne. What a fallout since "The Usual Suspects." 2 stars
11/25/01 Cookie Cutter An insult. 1 stars
8/08/01 Mr. Hat Not asgoodas I expected,but scary if U see it when 1st released.Past y2k,no scare no flare. 2 stars
8/06/01 badfish First i love Arnie.That said this was a big piece of stinky Yak dung! 1 stars
7/15/01 officer 412/l arnie you've past it. you are to old to be doing action movies and you cant act. 1 stars
7/08/01 Gracy Lionheart Pure Arnie Junk. I love action films, but this blew big time. 1 stars
6/12/01 Crisis Management This movie sucks, and Chef ADogg proves again he's a total idiot with no clue whatsoever. 1 stars
5/01/01 TNT-6 "This movie is shit" and laughing their ass off. That's how everybody was in the theater. 1 stars
4/23/01 Luke Arnie Arnie Arnie! 4 stars
4/05/01 hum wow this is dumb! Did the writters do ANY research? 1 stars
3/25/01 Monster W. Kung Arnie, what the hell happened to you... this one BLOWS DONKEYS! 1 stars
1/26/01 Diego Romero Its just pure Arnie action 4 stars
1/17/01 The Terminator Probalbly Schwarenegger's most underrated movie 4 stars
1/15/01 Action freak Dark thriller, I liked it 4 stars
1/11/01 Jason Rowlands End of Days rocks! It shows that even the Devil can be outwitted. 5 stars
12/31/00 R.W. Welch Pretty well done villain, otherwise not much. 2 stars
12/24/00 bub you are all going to hell for comments like that!!!!!!!! 5 stars
10/27/00 JC23 I really enjoyed this movie 4 stars
9/27/00 Terrie Smith Arnie's done better but the film has its moments; good visual effects. 4 stars
6/22/00 Visc I don't care what other people say, this is a good movie. 4 stars
6/04/00 OS Oh come on, this movie isn't that bad 4 stars
6/02/00 Wafer too many gratuitous Arnold grunts and irrelevant alcoholism references 1 stars
6/01/00 Jimmy Could have ben better, but it was still pretty good. 4 stars
5/23/00 Monday Morning $50 mil for EFX, not a farthing for original thinking. 2 stars
5/21/00 mellemel Bad. Really Bad. 1 stars
5/19/00 Steve A great performance by Byrne, an entertaining flick 4 stars
5/15/00 Chrissy T Why does Gabriel never live to see daylight.He's the Devil.Let the man get some for once. 2 stars
5/03/00 matt entertaining movie, but not awesome, however extremely entertaining 4 stars
4/26/00 Leo Chef ADogg is right this is by no means a great movie but an entertaining one 4 stars
4/23/00 The Bomb 69 surprisingly enjoyable 4 stars
4/18/00 foxgroundcolt "easy with the hardware!!!" 4 stars
4/10/00 Bruce Not one of Arnold's great movies, but it was decent 4 stars
3/15/00 Lame-Oh GO SEE THE NINTH GATE 1 stars
3/10/00 movieman has it's highs and lows, but overall it was entertaining 4 stars
3/06/00 Captain Highcrime Hilarious to hear Arnie butcher the phrase "Glock Nine Millimeter." 3 stars
2/11/00 James Woodman Good solid return for arnie 4 stars
2/09/00 Ed Wood very enjoyable 5 stars
1/19/00 k.tomkowski Poor script. Arnie proves he cannot act. Byrnes is very good. 3 stars
1/17/00 Dirk Diggler i enjoyed it 5 stars
1/15/00 Marli I can't say anything about this movie 3 stars
1/13/00 henry hill I enjoyed this film 5 stars
1/13/00 heroinchic Come on Arnie! Back to basics. Stop playing the Goodies. Your boring unless bad 2 stars
1/13/00 master this is a good film 5 stars
1/12/00 dr.d i liked it 5 stars
1/12/00 dr.d i liked it 5 stars
1/12/00 dr.d i liked it 5 stars
1/12/00 dr.d underated 5 stars
1/10/00 Aiken Drum Its Arnie saving the world, what a guy. 3 stars
1/05/00 Joel Harwood Freaky 5 stars
1/05/00 Ian Rivlin Pathetic claptrap 1 stars
12/24/99 Stu Shoot me, shoot me now, please. 2 stars
12/23/99 Wafer I've never seen a worse movie & every fight scene was filled w/ excessive schwarzen-grunts 1 stars
12/23/99 Matrinka Oh god... I'd rather let Satan win than watch this movie again. 1 stars
12/19/99 Mr Showbiz Simply put... shite. 1 stars
12/17/99 Lame-Oh this was campier and stupider than the ad. Lies, lies, LIES! 1 stars
12/12/99 Obi Wan The Devil is the shit, Gabriel Rocked it!! Bruce Willis should have played Jericho 3 stars
12/09/99 Sher worst movie in the world..priests are so pathetic that they allowed Arnold to fight satan.. 1 stars
12/08/99 JonnyAngel Even after all the bad reviews, I relly thought I'd like it, but... 2 stars
12/08/99 majawat um, not good. Not good at all. But not painful at least. 2 stars
12/07/99 Cheryl Man, people TOLD me not to see this piece of shit and I didn't listen... 1 stars
12/06/99 Ami the wonderbread I just don't buy Jericho's "strength" at the end to defeat Satan. Whatever. 1 stars
12/06/99 Amy Lamest script I've ever heard, but Gabriel Byrne was good. At least it wasn't boring. 3 stars
12/05/99 Wojtek Arciszewski Reminded me of British cooking... some interesting moments... but over all a bland meal 2 stars
12/04/99 joe chip Its amazing what you'll agree to when you're on fire 2 stars
12/04/99 russ johnson THIS MOVIE SUCKED MAJOR ASS.....ARNOLD IT IS TIME TO RETIRE 1 stars
12/03/99 Kevin Way Cheesy. Boring. If you must see it, catch it on cable in about... two weeks. 1 stars
12/02/99 Carlos G. Lamas A Terrible Waste of Film and Time 1 stars
12/02/99 Roman A damn fun time 5 stars
11/30/99 Vaughn Allen Let's not get hung up on being cynical- this movie was fun as hell 5 stars
11/30/99 MickCollins The biggest piece of shit since "Spawn" 1 stars
11/30/99 Ryan Phillipe got hit by a car and it rules This movie was so brilliant. It truly moved me in ways a movie has never moved me before. 1 stars
11/29/99 George Nedelchev Good one-liners are not enough. Disappointing comeback for Arnie. 2 stars
11/28/99 Chet Patel this was one huge P.O.S. Arnie has gotten very desperate for a film. 1 stars
11/27/99 The King of the Bros I just liked it when that old lady kicked Arnold's ass. 3 stars
11/26/99 CATM The ending gave it a higher rating, but could've been better.Too gorey 3 stars
11/26/99 Lame-Oh could have been better 3 stars
11/25/99 Thomas Aquinas...man, that wasn't even original in the movie... Byrne was fun to watch, & Arnold's old reliable, but there's an excess of jokeyness 4 stars
11/24/99 Ramsay With less action and a real actor, it might have been interesting 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  24-Nov-1999 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Dec-1999




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