The Mod Squad (*) - I counted at least three different song-induced thought scenes. You know the moments I mean. The ones where a song from the film’s hopefully sell-able soundtrack blares in Dolby Digital while each member of the cast stares longfully (and long) to the side of the camera each on their own, instead of together like they should be. This is identified in movies as deep thought. And I hope the actors really did some deep thinking about their careers during these moments because hopefully they realized that they were stuck in a screenplay that could have used some tips from Jack Handey.This film is 94 minutes long and I counted at least three of these sequences. There might have been more but this film sucked so many I.Q. points out of my head that I found myself unable to remember any number after 3. This film makes The Avengers look like The Fugitive. The only real saving grace for me was getting to see Claire Danes run around in her black underwear which was about the only thing keeping my eyes propped open. Now I’ve never seen The Mod Squad TV show. It was before my time and I’ve never caught any reruns. But in the movie, they keep playing this 60s/70s style TV music during the action scenes (the final one looks like something out of a Naked Gun movie) which made me think that the filmmakers were just trying to create a new episode of the TV show and it comes off as emotionally satisfying and exciting as the CHIPS reunion. The screenplay makes no effort to define any of our three heroes save for the opening introduction and a one-line explanation from the under-used Dennis Farina (who appears to be the only good cop we meet in the movie other than the Internal Affairs guy from The Practice). If you knew nothing about the original TV show - you'’ have no idea what this movie was supposed to be about. It plays like an episode of The Incredible Hulk with its cardboard villains and lame action scenes. The film even has the audacity to try and involve its audience (God Forbid) in a central mystery plot - where hopefully not a single audience member was fooled by who turned out to be the villains - essentially everyone in the cast except The Mod Squad and Dennis Farina (because he gets killed in 20 minutes). Even the pre-credit sequence is laughable when we get a definition of what “MOD” means. OK, Fine. But then, on the same title card, the film identifies what a “SQUAD” is. How dumb does it think its audience is? The film doesn’t even play up the definition of “MOD” in the screenplay other than as the title of the movie which essentially isn’t even there’s to claim to begin with. Giovanni Ribisi runs around in this movie as if he was still playing the retarded love interest in The Other Sister. This guy is not all there. It took Spielberg to actually get a normal performance out of him in Saving Private Ryan. Anyone out there who says they can’t stand Adam Sandler, get a good strong whiff of Giovanni Ribisi in this film and you’ll be hailing Sandler as the next Buster Keaton. And Claire Danes - I think she is a very good actress. But can she choose a role for Christ’s sake where she doesn’t have a crying scene. Granted, she only sheds a few single tears in this film, but I count it. She has had major bawling scenes (not only on the great TV show My So-Called Life) but in To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday, Les Miserables, Little Women (a great film), and the king of the idiotic MTV remakes - Romeo and Juliet.When I walked (or more appropriately ran) out of the theater - there were managers propped up at the exits passing out coupons. I thought the cheap-asses at AMC were giving us free small cokes to compensate for the ten minute delay after the previews when the lights came up suggesting that the film may have broke. Needless to say I was quite surprised to see that they were handing out free movie passes - which made me wonder. Were the passes for the ten-minute interruption before the movie? Or were they rewards for anyone who actually made it through all 94 minutes of The Mod Squad? I took the pass most graciously and have to side towards my latter opinion because those ten minutes before the movie weren’t as bad as they might have thought. At least I got some deep thinking done.