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Overall Rating
2.55

Awesome: 29.31%
Worth A Look: 6.9%
Average: 5.17%
Pretty Bad: 6.9%
Total Crap51.72%

3 reviews, 40 user ratings


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Grind
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by EricDSnider

"Skateboarding IS a crime."
1 stars

Legend has it Dr. Seuss wrote "Fox in Sox" on a dare to see if he could write a book using only 120 simple words. "Grind" seems to have been written on a similar dare, to see if a coherent, entertaining screenplay could be written using only the words "dude," "man" and "bro."

I have exaggerated the lack of depth in the screenplay for "Grind," but not by much. It was written by Ralph Sall, who has a couple dozen "music supervisor" credits, but is taking his first stab at writing here. I don't recall what the music in "Clockstoppers" or "Three Kings" was like, but it surely can't have been worse than the writing in "Grind." This is a film that believes quality humor is humor that involves Porta-Potties tipping over and hapless teens having to clean them.

Part road comedy, part skateboard movie, this is the story of three Chicago-suburb teens, fresh out of high school, who desperately want to be professional skaters. To do so, however, one must become "sponsored," which in these guys' case will involve catching the attention of their skateboarding idol, Jimmy Wilson (Jason London), and getting him to recommend them.

Unable to gain an audience with the Pope-like Jimmy Wilson, the threesome does what any reasonable group of lads would do: They get summer jobs and prepare for college.

No, I kid. Obviously, they obtain a van and follow Jimmy Wilson around the country on his skating tour. They figure if they can just weasel their way into one of the venues and do some skating, Jimmy Wilson will see them and make them stars, hopefully before they are chased out by security. (The boys' plan is not fabulously well thought-out.)

Allegedly, they are fantastic skaters and deserve to be professional at it, to the extent that anyone really "deserves" to be a professional skater. (Is anyone a professional jump-roper? Hopscotcher? Just asking.) It's hard to say for sure, though, because every time they skate, they are filmed from the waist down, or from behind, or in some other way to obscure the fact that it's real-life pro skaters doing the tricks, not the actors, who probably don't skate very well.

Ah, yes. The actors. The three boys fill the roles normally prescribed in the Three-Man Buddy Comedy. You have Eric (Mike Vogel), the fairly normal, slightly level-headed guy. Then you have Dustin (Adam Brody), who is uptight and nervous. Then you have Matt (Vince Vieluf), who is wild! and crazy! and so unpredictable!, filling a role that in a bygone era might have gone to John Belushi, but which now goes to the likes of Tom Green (who makes a cameo himself, by the way).

Oh, and they apparently have a fourth friend, who I guess also wants to be a professional skateboarder, only not as bad as these three, I guess, because he's not involved in the initial planning stages. Anyway, his name is Sweet Lou (Joey Kern), and he's a friend to all the ladies, and he has a van.

I need to talk about Matt some more, though. You may recall Vince Vieluf as the guy who wasn't funny in "Rat Race" (well, ONE of the guys who wasn't funny in "Rat Race"). In this movie, though, he plumbs new depths of non-humor, basing his character entirely on the twin philosophies of 1) making a lot of goofy faces and weird noises; and 2) being an oversexed horndog freak borderline sex offender. He is spectacularly unfunny, making a film that is otherwise dull, tedious and interminable into a truly grating affair.

You know who I like, though? Adam Brody, who plays the uptight friend. He delivers a few lines well enough that they seem funny, which none of his co-stars can manage. He's good in the new Fox series "The O.C.," too, playing a similarly flustered, slightly nerdy character. I think he has talent.

Oh, but the rest of the movie. It's listless and quiet, like it's not even trying most of the time, forgetting for what seems like hours at a time that movies are supposed to have stories. It culminates in an orgy of skateboarding, filmed with only a mediocre level of ambition or skill. You'd be better off watching actual skateboarding on ESPN2, not this tiresome crap.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8073&reviewer=247
originally posted: 08/16/03 09:42:45
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User Comments

9/21/13 Kyle Not nearly as bad as this guy states.. just a tame, nice live your dream thing.. 5 stars
1/26/10 Danny Certainly not great, but it ddn't suck either. If you dig skateboarding you'll love it. 3 stars
4/08/08 Jason dont bag it fuckheads, if u were offered a role in it ud jump jump at it straight away 5 stars
7/25/07 troy a good movie, but they probably should learn to surf, Chris is dumb 4 stars
11/12/05 elida guillen good movie and good looking guys 5 stars
9/08/05 Chris Skateboarding is NOT s legitamte sport so why was this movie made 1 stars
6/09/05 TPTB... plot was crap, nice skating, good soundtrack 3 stars
6/02/05 adam yeah its bad but i mean come on its just around for a good time 4 stars
2/04/05 Chris If You Like This Movie You Realy Nees \\d To Aquire Some Taste Because It's Garbage 1 stars
11/08/04 Katie this movie is pretty bad.but,all people have opinions so props to those sharing their voice 2 stars
11/06/04 da hood' "I love it because iskate myself." You think that makes you cool, jackass? 2 stars
8/16/04 Joe To All the people who think tihs is a great movie, YOU ARE ALL VERY VERY STUIPD, it sucks 1 stars
8/02/04 Jeff Lisko Great movie for anyone thats a fan of skating or anyone with asense of humor 5 stars
7/31/04 carlee i luved it just cause i skate myself 5 stars
7/30/04 Amber i love this movie it is awesome whoever said it sucks is a loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *peace* 5 stars
7/29/04 Casey This movie is awesome! 5 stars
7/15/04 abbi mckiny i dont know about the other stars of the movie but the mike vogel (eric) is a real skater 5 stars
7/12/04 Josh GREAT MOVIE!!!!! o and all u critics dont know what your talking about 5 stars
6/26/04 Riki I thought the film was halarious, a little pointless, but entertaining! 4 stars
5/26/04 Karine this movie s filled with humor and fun. must see (hot guys, too!!) 5 stars
5/05/04 Tyler Wickersham Awesome 5 stars
4/02/04 scott fukin rocks 5 stars
3/31/04 daddy g awesome...great movie 5 stars
3/27/04 Jake Entertainment for the severly brain damaged only this is beyond stupid 1 stars
3/22/04 skater_chick AWESOME!!!...ADAM BRODY...DAMN HOTT! 5 stars
3/21/04 Sniffy Not the best, but damn that Adam Brody does it for me! :) 3 stars
2/19/04 me bad 1 stars
2/16/04 Natasha Theobald see "Dogtown and Z-Boys" instead 2 stars
2/15/04 LovelyArsenic I'm Loving It, so feck off to those who don't 5 stars
9/22/03 Collin Entertainment for the Stupid skateboarder masses, you'd have to be stupid to like this 1 stars
9/17/03 Natalie Stonecipher I'd give this a better name --- SKATEBORED! 2 stars
9/07/03 Amanda Extremely funny, not the best script but it kept me laughing through the whole movie!!! 4 stars
9/04/03 eddie DUDE, LIKE WHOOAAA.....i hope those skateboarding faggots cripple themselves. gay stuff. 1 stars
8/24/03 dave just when gigli set the bar, grind re-invents 1 stars
8/24/03 gman walked out halfway through, went home, and cried naked on the bed with all the lights off 1 stars
8/22/03 Brian doing the same thing at my theater that extreme days did a year ago...nothing 1 stars
8/21/03 Madison Freaken funny i love it adam is so funny i love evrything he said and love the dance scence 5 stars
8/16/03 Markus Rubish 1 stars
8/15/03 Collin Stupid, Mindless Ascinine, Pointless, Mindless, Poorly Concieved Garbage 1 stars
8/10/03 bluepers try to catch your breathes between hillarious comedy and awesome stunts 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  15-Aug-2003 (PG-13)
  DVD: 27-Jan-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Feb-2004


Directed by
  Casey La Scala

Written by
  Ralph Sall

Cast
  Mike Vogel
  Vince Vieluf
  Jason London
  Jennifer Morrison
  Joey Kern
  Lindsay Felton



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