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Overall Rating
1.61

Awesome: 8.08%
Worth A Look: 3.03%
Average: 3.03%
Pretty Bad: 13.13%
Total Crap72.73%

3 reviews, 81 user ratings



House of the Dead
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by f*r*o*s*t*y

"House of the Dead? More like, I WISH I was dead after seeing this movie."
1 stars

With the recent manifestations of video games expanded for the big screen, one has to wonder... "Is this the best they can do?" The movies adapted from the horror games are sadly disappointing at best, more or less bargain basement treatments reminiscent of a ten-year-old saying, "You know what would be cool? Lots of blood, fight scenes and zombies!"... with absolutely no thought given to plot, structure or, hell, even good ol' common sense.

House of the Dead is no exception to this, or indeed any, rule.

College students, looking for a rave, head off to an island on the coast of Florida. Once they get there... Hey, everyone's missing! That would've been my sign to get the hell out of there as fast as my little ass in hotpants could move. Alas, as movie protocol would have it, the five friends set out for a little adventure (and a little hanky panky) while searching for the missing rave party.

As luck would have it, one of the original group turns into a spitting, hissing freak of nature that would, presumably, like to eat the brains of her companions. Shocking, I know. And, wait, there are even more zombies on the warpath! No sooner does someone say "Hey, did she just turn into a zombie?" than they, the zombies, start emerging from the (literal) woodwork. Soon the remaining camp is accompanied by a Coast Guard officer and a couple of men (cue Gruff Sea Captain and Nerdy Gilligan-esque figures), all of whom start wandering about in an effort to find their way off the island.

Obviously, this is no easy task as the undead are everywhere. They're on the ground, swinging from trees, inhabiting the water, and even taking over the boat the kids arrived on. Naturally, bullets don't exactly stop these hell beasts; it takes an entire army of bullets to satisfy these bastards - and the crew is quickly running out of ideas (not to mention ammo) while also being bitten, eaten and generally maimed.

All this junk is tied up with a rather uninteresting middle plot (apparently the writer thought the zombies needed motivation) that only contributes to the construction of a rather dull and slow-paced movie. The action scenes we've seen before, kids-stuck-on-an-island stuff we've seen before, nudity, zombies, dumbness... to use a phrase that is just as cliched as this movie - been there, done that.

While there may be no wrong way to eat a Resee's, I think there is a right way to creating flicks made from video games. Sure, you want to come up with something original that isn't a direct ripoff of the game, but why not stay within the interesting boundaries set by the source material? Isn't that the reason for adapting a video game to a movie in the first place... or am I missing something?

Though the ending of the film made me say, "Heh," (out loud, even!), in a brilliant display of absurdity, you're not missing much by watching THIS zombie flick. Except for maybe 80+ minutes of your life.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8242&reviewer=22
originally posted: 02/03/04 09:57:16
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User Comments

4/24/17 David H. Why, just why? 1 stars
4/27/11 man just kill me now 1 stars
4/20/11 man one of the worst movies ever 1 stars
1/09/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess Has a campy charm to it, but there are better movies you could be watching 2 stars
10/01/07 Elvo The makers of this shi*te should be thrown on an island & savaged by zombies. Total Crap! 1 stars
7/08/07 al smith uwe boll is a retarded and untalented cock.complete and utter shit 1 stars
6/06/07 David Pollastrini pretty awful 1 stars
4/17/07 Stevo UK I'd rather molest a pig than watch this shit again. 1 stars
3/26/07 Monster W. Kung So bad you'll mutter and drool in disbelief. 1 stars
12/12/06 bet win 1 stars
12/01/06 Joe rented and watched it with commentary... horrible.. but hillarious.. Boll really is clueles 1 stars
11/06/06 pet insurance high performance car insurance pet insurance auto insurance comparisons 2 stars
10/30/06 AJ Muller So atrocious I don't know what to say; it should get zero stars. Seeing vomit is cooler. 1 stars
10/07/06 Jeff Horrible movie, but very very funny. half of the zombies aren't even wearing any makeup 4 stars
9/11/06 quot family 4 stars
8/22/06 G Sherfy As a student of film, its a lesson in what NOT to do. Great stuff. 1 stars
7/16/06 CTT How does Uwe Boll continue to work?? 1 stars
7/15/06 Anthony G I laughed for 2 hours. 1 stars
6/25/06 Aaron Yes this movie is crap, but it's fun crap. 3 stars
6/08/06 suX stupidest zombie movie i've ever seen in my whole life...a total failure ! 1 stars
4/12/06 ducka Loved the ten minute music video in the middle of the movie 2 stars
3/02/06 Steven Lewis Really, Really, Really bad zombie film based off popular video game. 1 stars
1/19/06 VMANIC1 Needless use of videogame scenes worsens this flick 2 stars
10/25/05 Suk-R-Punch I watched this film in complete and total disbelief at it's badness. Stunningly awful. 1 stars
7/29/05 E This is a joke, isn't it? 1 stars
7/13/05 C.E. Winner of the Worst Film of the Year 2003 Award 1 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma One of the most ridiculous movies ever made. 1 stars
6/15/05 R "ed wood predecessors" for 200, alex. 1 stars
4/26/05 E-FUNK Induces brain and eye cancer. Would rather recieve a vasectomy from a squirrel than rewatch 1 stars
2/03/05 Vicious Horrible as a film, but wonderful to mercilessly pick apart. 1 stars
12/03/04 Nari S. Ramzan This film was like Uwe Boll himself came to my house and slapped me. 1 stars
10/15/04 Don Eckert I don't know how garbage like this gets financed! 1 stars
9/06/04 Cambo I didn't believe it had video game clips in it until I saw it. Lazy filmaking at it's worst 1 stars
8/29/04 American Slasher Goddess Give me a break, quit using my name, nobody believes I'm writing those stupid comments. 1 stars
8/24/04 House of the Dead So godawful bad that it's hilarious. Worst movie I've ever seen, and I couln't stop laughin 5 stars
8/15/04 X ! @ # ? Holy shit, this sucks 1 stars
7/29/04 American Slasher Goddess Sorry, didn't write that comment below, someone's been messing around on here. 1 stars
7/20/04 CORPSEGRINDER NEEDS MORE GORE BLOOD GUTS HATE 1 stars
7/11/04 Paul Carone COCK, COCK, COCK, COCK 5 stars
6/30/04 DRASHAUNA WEAKLEY THE BIGGEST PIECE OF CRAP I HAVE EVER SEEN! I 1 stars
6/20/04 Erane Lee Total CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!! Want my money back!!! 1 stars
5/09/04 B.J.W ITs the BEst ever i love jonathan cherry 5 stars
4/20/04 Dan CRAP!!!!! 1 stars
4/13/04 he i liked this film I thought it was good 5 stars
4/06/04 Nitrous Oxide System The most unbearable peice of crap i've ever seen...except the frequent breast shots... 1 stars
3/31/04 American Slasher Goddess One of the worst zombie movies ever. 1 stars
3/14/04 bsho I doesn't get much worse than this 1 stars
3/13/04 THE ZOMBIE KING why, goddammit? just, why? 1 stars
3/07/04 Jesus Guerra So we've found the new Ed Wood. 1 stars
3/02/04 justin it sucked because ona did not get topless only the flat chested girls were topless 1 stars
2/28/04 Leviathan THIS MOVIE BLOWS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/26/04 Claude Smith One of the worst movies I've seen. Save your money. 1 stars
2/25/04 Ken Deheve This is an okay movie, isn't waht i expected 4 stars
2/17/04 Brian D. Crandall Daytime SEGA rave, Spanish Explorers in the Northwest, so much imagination its painful. 1 stars
2/14/04 Jingo P. Represents everything wrong with Hollywood mentality. Utterly pathetic. 1 stars
2/05/04 let down in life a few times ifirst, my parents divorce, laid off and not seeing Ona topless. 1 stars
2/03/04 Russ Klassen All I can say is if your a fan of really bad horro movies (beyond B), then this is the movi 1 stars
2/03/04 Taylor Loved it, even though zombies aren't that active it was good. And Simon was pretty hot! 5 stars
1/31/04 othree sucker for those tried effects, but what a waste of film, ect 2 stars
1/31/04 adam waldon it was ok but what made it worth watching was seein Ona Grauer in that hot top. 3 stars
1/30/04 chris meadows horrid!!!!!! i waited untill it came out on video, that wasn't even long enough. 1 stars
1/22/04 American Slasher Goddess The worst zombie movie ever. 1 stars
1/21/04 audioaxes OMG it takes skill to make a movie so retarded 1 stars
1/17/04 No one needs to know!!! This was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Save your money for R.E.A. 1 stars
1/09/04 Crap Schnitzel Insomniacs take note: This shit is ten times more powerful than any sleeping pill. 5 stars
1/03/04 J The game's better 2 stars
12/09/03 Brenton Evans they need more women in it and women with bigger boobsand need to show their hole body nude 1 stars
12/05/03 RAMY ROMIO 5 stars
11/21/03 Jacque Bell I thought it was just so good i'm going to buy it. I recommend seeing it. 5 stars
11/21/03 Paul Anderson A piece of SHIT of biblical magnitude 1 stars
11/19/03 Stephanie Throckmorton Promising start bungles into quintessential blurred rambling generic killer cliches. 2 stars
10/24/03 maxomai If you're even *thinking* of seeing this, see Kill Bill instead. Trust me. 1 stars
10/20/03 Gary Sucked donkey balls 1 stars
10/18/03 Jin im only 14 and yet i know what a good movie is and a bad one...this is a horrible one.... 1 stars
10/15/03 Chris Smith Action was good, the continuity could have been better. 3 stars
10/14/03 Cory Nominee for Worst Movie of the Year,possibly Decade 1 stars
10/13/03 Ralph Bruno Lighting my 8 bucks on fire would have been more entertaining! 1 stars
10/13/03 Alarmed I Saw This 15 minutes of boob shots and too much 'bullet time'. Somebody hunt the filmmakers down!!! 1 stars
10/13/03 Jack the Dagger This movie sucks ass worse movie i seen in years 1 stars
10/12/03 bo Please don't let there be another one. 1 stars
10/11/03 Isengard UTTER SHITE! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  10-Oct-2003 (R)
  DVD: 27-Jan-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  08-Apr-2004 (MA)




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