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Overall Rating
1.51

Awesome: 4.38%
Worth A Look: 3.75%
Average: 6.25%
Pretty Bad: 9.38%
Total Crap76.25%

7 reviews, 118 user ratings


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Cat in the Hat, The
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by Jason Whyte

"'A Mrs. Kwan Nightmare!'"
1 stars

There's a moment in the lifeless, disgusting "The Cat in the Hat", yet another Dr. Seuss adaption by a Hollywood producer who doesn't know how to actually adapt classic material anymore, that made me shake my head in disgust. A narcoleptic babysitter named Mrs. Kwan shows up to babysit two kids while their mom goes out, and when Dr. Seuss mode kicks in and The Cat of the film shows up, he decides to move the sleeping woman into the closet, and hangs her up in the closet like she's a jacket.

I don't really see kids taking this as funny but rather mean-spirited. But that's the whole movie. "The Cat in the Hat" is wrong in so many ways, a new kid's movie in an already busy time with so many better children's films out there. Parents could take their kids to see the wonderfully amusing "Looney Tunes: Back in Action" or the gorgeously animated "Brother Bear" right now, or even to the Will Ferrell-starring "Elf" (which I'll admit I was not in the positive side on, but I'd happily see it again over this piffle). Parents, please don't hurt your kids with this garbage.

While I'm on the subject of "Looney Tunes: Back In Action", it should be mentioned THAT film still entertained despite not having that much in the way of a plot and spent much of its time on characters and one-liners that actually worked. Here, the material surrounding the Seuss book is so one-note: Mom runs real estate, kids are bickering, Alec Baldwin wants to marry mom, and Cat likes to imitate lots of popular culture to make the kids have a bit of fun. You want to make cupcakes? Well the Cat not only makes you cupcakes, but he tells it to you informercial-style.

I loved the Dr. Seuss book. I still do to this day; in its style of words with interesting visual illustration, the book will live on forever. The movie is made for right now, A Brian Grazer Production with all of the same visual unkindness that plagued 2000's "The Grinch". While I admired that film slightly more for the uncanny spirit of Jim Carrey, unrecognizable in a green suit, here we have a wholly unfunny Mike Myers, unrecognizable in a white cat suit, which many fellow critics point out as rather pointless: why go to a Mike Myers movie, and not even see him? We saw hints of him in the Austin Powers films, and many of his imitations worked (if the later movies didn't).

Many jokes fall flat on their face without so much of a laugh, even from the kids at my screening. One example, when Sally suddenly realizes things are changing around her, a fish yells at her. "The fish is talking!" she cries, to which the Cat, in Myers mode, retorts "But is he saying anything? No, not really." If you found that funny, or you think your kids will laugh at that exchange, ignore this review.

The film boasts impressive production design, and yet it doesn't make much of an impression after you look at it for a few minutes. Most of the "action" takes place in the house on the street, with its colors mostly purple and green with animated edges. Every now and then the action will shift to the main street of the town, and it just looks like something they put together at Universal for their themed attractions (and how spiffy that The Cat actually promotes the studio at one point!). I recall most of "The Grinch" being done in this way.

But hey, according to the studio, this movie isn't made for the critics, so what do I know. I was so nullified by the film that after checking my watch about three times per reel (and at only 82 minutes, there's only five of them, but what a long five they are), I started to pay closer attention to the reactions of the kids to the movie. What saddened me to realize is that the only times they laughed was when a character was hit by something, or when a character made a funny noise or farted, or when poor Mrs. Kwan is being used as a toboggan while sleeping. There's also lots of screaming and yelling in this movie, because nothing can be funny if it isn't noisy, can it?

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8346&reviewer=350
originally posted: 11/26/03 06:37:25
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User Comments

1/10/16 C.J. Really bad. 1 stars
10/16/15 Zeke Brown Worst audience insulting piece of crap I've ever had the displeasure to witness. 1 stars
3/09/15 Jared SHIT from beginning to end 1 stars
12/24/14 I Know More Than You Really really crap. And I have a high crap tolerance. 1 stars
8/11/14 Mario is the Best Awesome!! One of the best movies I've ever seen! Not joking. 5 stars
3/11/14 Dalen the Crusader Alvin and the Chipmunks is better than this, AND I HATE THAT MOVIE TOO! 1 stars
2/01/14 Xwdlhqjz The signature bank mark connected why this hasn't been handled after i called in the day be 4 stars
10/14/13 Twilight Sparkle THIS MOVIE IS TERRIBLE! 1 stars
4/24/13 nathaniel multiple adult jokes 1 stars
4/23/12 Noah Eckenrode Total Fucking Shit! 1 stars
9/05/11 Lizzie This film was so bad, the other film, Shark Tale, laughed at its ass! 1 stars
8/25/11 TWD You're not just wrong, you're stupid! 5 stars
8/05/11 max you inner child will be violated,HARD and WITHOU MERCY 1 stars
2/04/11 Danni cat in the hate is purely amazing. 5 stars
4/15/10 Tim C Appalling, just appalling. Seriously, "S.H.I.T." as an acronym for the Cat's car? Painful. 1 stars
5/30/09 Muse They should of kept it as a book...Purely discusting. 1 stars
12/04/08 Rac Ew. This was SUPPOSSED to be a KIDS movie. Cursing, sex jokes! What were they thinking? 1 stars
11/01/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
9/15/08 Ashley the movie should not be for children. 2 stars
7/02/08 jointz Hey Souter, we get it, you hate MJ! Now why not focus on your actual film review? 1 stars
5/15/08 PAUL SHORTT POORLY MADE MOVIE FOR CHILDREN, FULL OF CRASS, BODILY-FUNCTION HUMOUR AND BAD ONE-LINERS 1 stars
6/11/07 Sugarfoot A bad idea made into a a very bad movie. 1 stars
5/20/07 Faye Good Lord, this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. 1 stars
4/04/07 David Pollastrini Stick with the book! 2 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega Cat has a some screws loose, but makes good fun for kiddies. 3 stars
11/30/06 Stanley Thai Although not appropriate to kids, this is an insanley funny film. 4 stars
10/01/06 Ryan_A Day-glo hell. Geisel is spinning. 1 stars
9/20/06 SkyBabey12 Okie EXCUSE ME? ! Cat In The Hat is a great movie ! i am 19 years old and Enjoy'd this movi 1 stars
7/19/06 Joanie bad as Battlefield 1 stars
7/11/06 David Cohen I am only glad Dr. Suess did not live to see this 1 stars
5/06/06 Cuenzie Wunzie N-n-n-not as crappy as you think . worth while 4 stars
12/28/05 Jeff Anderson Pure tripe, joyless, annoying & Myers goes WAY overboard. A disaster of all disasters!!!!!! 1 stars
12/10/05 The Grinch Mike Myers phones it in. Not THAT bad, but pretty unnecessary 3 stars
10/20/05 PAG Terrible kids movie. Unwatchable. 1 stars
7/19/05 Brandy Harrington No no no no no no no no no no no no non no no no no no no no no no no. 1 stars
5/25/05 Jake It's So bad that's it's fun to watch. 2 stars
5/24/05 peter worst ever EVER arrch 1 stars
5/18/05 Cindy Lovell at least my son liked it 3 stars
5/15/05 Graeme I thought this movie was pretty funny; Alec Baldwin was a humourous villain. 3 stars
4/23/05 Heather Tarlecky I thought it was worth seeing 4 stars
4/15/05 craig varney smells like a soiled cat box 1 stars
4/05/05 kalamazoo Dr. Suess is turning in his grave. 1 stars
3/28/05 Zelemont WOW. ridiculously awful movie.... 1 stars
3/24/05 Holly Dawson very ho-hum. took forever to end! 2 stars
3/24/05 Colleen Goldrick cute for the kiddies 3 stars
3/23/05 Sharon Sharen not a adult movie to any degree, kid didnt like either 1 stars
3/16/05 tatum Myers made me laugh just enough 3 stars
3/10/05 Steph wierd... 3 stars
2/23/05 Colleen Goldrick Kids will love it, adults oh well 3 stars
2/05/05 Susan Chamberlain It was worth watching to know not to watch it again 2 stars
1/30/05 MARION BURGESS WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FILM? 2 stars
1/29/05 terri shaw Austin Powers in a cat suit, yuck!! To much induendo for a kids movie and to lame for adul 1 stars
1/16/05 Jeff Anderson THE ABSOLUTE PITS!!! I can't express my outright disgust for this film enough. D.O.A. 1 stars
12/12/04 AlbieOne Torture,,,,,pure Torture. 1 stars
11/17/04 psycho black dwarf Myers' voice is Linda Richmond meets Charles Nelson Riley w/ hairballs...blech! 1 stars
9/21/04 Zee this film was amazing 5 stars
8/23/04 Bruce Lamb very depressing 1 stars
8/06/04 ELI Jeeeeeeeeez. I didn't know a movie could suck THAT bad 1 stars
7/22/04 Moblar Review kicks ass, movie sucks balls. 1 stars
7/20/04 Valerie White What a dissapointment! 1 stars
7/20/04 N. Christopher Bell It offends me that his dialogue was written to sound "Jewish". What, didn't ebonics work? 1 stars
7/06/04 Spiderfan720 Man, the funniest thing they could come up with was "almost cuss". NO HUMOR HERE!!! 1 stars
7/06/04 tyger,tyger how many ways can a movie suck, this has'em all 1 stars
7/06/04 Talonsoft This could be the worst movie ever made 1 stars
5/31/04 Troy Kuprash Laughed Hard At Times, Other Times I Cried 3 stars
5/17/04 jayden dr suess is a fucken asshole and a dickhead 1 stars
5/17/04 intelligent single woman Shame on you Mike Myers and Kelly Preston---totally vile and fucking retarded! 1 stars
5/01/04 susan lee book ruled, dr seuss probably turning in grave 1 stars
4/27/04 4x4 Wife walked out after 20 min. 8 year old begged to leave after 30. Ruined a good nap. 1 stars
4/24/04 Terry H Inane, lascivious and completely unnecessary! Mike butchered this one. 1 stars
4/18/04 American Slasher Goddess Even worse then I imagined. 1 stars
4/15/04 Jeff MacIver Pathetic. Even worse than the excremental Grinch remake. 1 stars
4/14/04 barry mcmullen my little brother asked me to explain rather rude jokes my other brother was laughing at 1 stars
4/11/04 Wildcarde1 even my 3 year old was offended just really really bad 1 stars
4/08/04 i strongly dislike the cat in the hat fuck u producers! wat kind of fucking assholes r u, goddamn it? 1 stars
4/08/04 el yo sharta The book was better! No sharting again! what is wrong with hollywood? 2 stars
3/28/04 emily excellent best film i have seen,its realy funny and percy! 5 stars
3/27/04 Brian Horn Kids loved it. Not sure they get the dialogue, but the antics & effects keep them watching 4 stars
3/22/04 David Bakker Very funny for Canadians who get real humour. 5 stars
3/08/04 movieguy a great film for kids 5 stars
3/07/04 fug i want my 75 mins of life back 1 stars
3/05/04 matthew all involved in this junk should burn in hell 1 stars
2/23/04 Naturezrevenge Disturbing. 1 stars
1/18/04 matt n fliss a pile of festering poo 1 stars
1/14/04 Blythe Guvenen Yuck! The money used making this movie could have been put towards breast cancer research! 1 stars
1/13/04 MelissaNYC Only parents who truly hate their children take them to watch this shit feast. 1 stars
12/31/03 throwup181 Sucks dick 1 stars
12/27/03 Edler Mike Myers sucks major ass. His career is ober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
12/26/03 Vanilla Ice People need to quit doggin' me so much and focus their anger on this piece of crap... 1 stars
12/21/03 Jennifer Jones totally inappropriate for any child; Not even close to the book 1 stars
12/14/03 movieman This movie is bullshit. Bullshit. BULLSHIT! 1 stars
12/10/03 i dislike the cat in the hat i think they should have sat 2 stars
12/09/03 Dana Carvey I can't fucking believe it! Someone finally made a worse film than my Master of Disguise! 1 stars
12/06/03 Bob Cratchet This films sucks ass. Please don't bother paying to see it. DO NOT take small children!!! 1 stars
12/05/03 Jacque Disgusting....sexual overtones...creepy 1 stars
12/03/03 paul williams Worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life..........run away! Shame on you hollywood 1 stars
12/02/03 (anonymous) yuck! this movie was beyond awful 1 stars
12/02/03 Chris I was so disappointed. Families run away. The sets though were cool but see The Grinch. 2 stars
12/02/03 kawaii50 There was a bit to much Austin Powers coming out of that cat! 3 stars
12/02/03 Matt Norris It's supposed to be campy and over the top. That's what makes it funny 4 stars
12/01/03 Mark A disgusting abomination! 1 stars
12/01/03 critic jim carry would have been much better 1 stars
11/30/03 john an insult to the audience 1 stars
11/29/03 Jack the Dagger worst movie ever 1 stars
11/28/03 Mike A testament to the breakdown of modern civilization. 1 stars
11/28/03 Donald Hyperactive does not mean "funny". Chaotic and boring. 1 stars
11/27/03 Chance Terrible. They should be ashamed. No more Suess movies 1 stars
11/27/03 Lord Jiggy haven't seen the movie, but Collin's review rocked! 1 stars
11/27/03 Dave Where will you be when your laxative kicks in... 1 stars
11/27/03 me a bad film 1 stars
11/25/03 Eric S. Who shat in the hat? 1 stars
11/25/03 KingNeutron Wow, ScottW - stop holding back, tell us what you REALLY think! ;-) 1 stars
11/25/03 Alfred Richard I have known DETERGENTS that have left a better film than this piece of cowflop. 1 stars
11/25/03 the lol man mike Myers should hang, period. 1 stars
11/24/03 Rose Kaleski Not ment for children 1 stars
11/23/03 horndog and you thought the Grinch was as bad as it could get.....fool!! 1 stars
11/22/03 Jack the Dagger worst movie I have seen all year. Embarassing..Mike Myers should hang his head in shame 1 stars
11/22/03 Brian wow, i was actually expecting something good... 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  21-Nov-2003 (PG)
  DVD: 16-Mar-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  01-Apr-2004


Directed by
  Bo Welch

Written by
  Alec Berg
  Jeff Schaffer
  Dave Mandel

Cast
  Mike Myers
  Spencer Breslin
  Dakota Fanning
  Alec Baldwin
  Kelly Preston
  Sean Hayes



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