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Overall Rating
  Awesome: 8.33%
Worth A Look: 19.05%
Average: 25%
Pretty Bad: 9.52%
Total Crap: 38.1%
6 reviews, 48 user ratings
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| Timeline |
by Brian McKay
"Tempis Fugeddaboutit"
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Once again, I'm visiting family for the holidays and end up getting dragged along to a movie I had no intention of ever seeing otherwise (last year it was Harry @#$% Potter). And once again, I find myself underwhelmed, although not dismayed, by the patriarchal cinematic selection.Despite the hundreds of scathing reviews that have pelted this movie like flaming arrows, it is far from the most dismal thing I've seen in recent memory. However, to call it a "good" movie would be charitable, and I'm not in a charitable mood. Timeline is a mediocre flick, but since it's based on Michael Crichton's most mediocre novel to date, was anybody really expecting greatness?
Although it's passable popcorn-munching entertainment, Timeline is hampered by pervasively cheap costume and set design (the time machine is literally composed of smoke and mirrors) and a catapult-load of cliches. The acting is generally competent, with the exception of Paul Walker (aka "The poor man's Keanu Reeves - now with twice the wood!"). Mr. Walker distinguishes himself here, joining the infamous ranks of the "pretty boy actor types without a bloody whit of talent," whose membership roster boasts the likes of Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, and current president Keanu Neo Theodore Reeves himself. Is there any doubt that the second this guy opened his mouth in medieval France with his atrociously flat intonation and rampant dude-speak, his head would be promptly stuck onto the nearest pike?
Thankfully, his supporting cast members manage to pick up some of the slack, despite their thinly developed characters and a banal script, with the extra gold stars for effort going to Frances O'connor and Gerard Butler. Billy Connolly also does a turn as Wooden Walker's dad - although why the pop would have a thick Scottish accent while the son sounds like a stoner from La Jolla is almost as mysterious as the cockamamie explanation of time-travel the film offers up (although it's no more ludicrous than the nonsensical theory Crichton used in the book).
But once you just make up your mind to shrug off the loopholes of logic and go with it, Timeline is not terribly grueling. It's not terribly thrilling either, but it has its moments of humor and a few decent action sequences that save it from complete boredom. The climactic battle sequence full of flaming arrows and trebuchet projectiles isn't bad - until you compare it to the opening scene of Gladiator or the Battle of Helm's Deep in The Two Towers - at which point it looks about as impressive as rival gangs of Renaissance Pleasure Faire geeks launching bottle rockets and flaming rolls of toilet paper at each other. But hey, what do you want for a paltry $80 mil?It's hard to say that TIMELINE is disappointing if your expectations were never too high to begin with. Considering the critical backlash this film has already received, I'm surprised it acquitted itself as well as it did. If anything, it provides just enough medieval hack and slash to whet one's appetite for the battle of Minas Tirith in two weeks.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8364&reviewer=258
originally posted: 11/29/03 08:54:11
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USA
26-Nov-2003 (PG-13)
DVD: 13-Apr-2004
UK
N/A
Australia
05-Feb-2004
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