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Overall Rating
3.37

Awesome42.37%
Worth A Look: 15.25%
Average: 3.39%
Pretty Bad: 15.25%
Total Crap: 23.73%

1 review, 53 user ratings


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Honey
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by EricDSnider

"Great movie! If you've never seen a movie before, that is."
2 stars

I'm offended that the makers of "Honey" think I've never seen a movie before. At least, I assume that's why they thought they could get away with making a film consisting of nothing but clichés, old plot devices and stock characters. If I really hadn't ever seen a movie before -- if I were truly a newcomer to the medium of film, still dazzled by the notion that pictures can move and talk -- then I'm sure I would find "Honey" perfectly enjoyable.

But I HAVE seen movies before. I've seen a lot of movies. And so "Honey" is just irritating and stupid. "Honey" and I did not get along. "Honey" and I are not friends.

"Honey" is about a New York City girl named Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) who works days in a record store, nights at a dance club, and teaches hip-hop at the community center somewhere in between. Like Mariah Carey's character in "Glitter" (a film only barely worse than this one), Honey keeps getting told by everyone how talented a dancer she is, like maybe two or three times in every scene, even though she's not any better than the dancers around her. In fact, she's often worse, especially compared to the kids in her hip-hop class, like young thug-in-training Benny (played by someone called, I assume as a joke, "Lil' Romeo") and his little brother Raymond (Zachary Isaiah Williams -- NOT Raven Simone, the little girl from the later years of "The Cosby Show," though he does look like her).

Anyway, there's a video director named Michael Ellis (David Moscow) who sees Honey dancing at the club one night with her homegirl Gina (Joy Bryant), and he wants Honey to come be one of the hootchy dancing girls in a video he's shooting for a rap artist named, I assume as a joke, "Jadakiss." She shows up, and not only does he put her in the video, but he makes her the star! And then he makes her his new choreographer!! She's THAT good!!!!!

Soon she's the toast of the town, choreographing all the big hip-hop videos, going to all the fancy parties, making the big money, buying "bling-bling" telling people their "flavor" is "hot," whatever that means.

For some reason, there is also a guy who plays basketball at the community center, and he's played by Mekhi Phifer, and Honey likes him. I don't know why he's in the movie. Perhaps he wandered onto the set and everyone was too polite to ask him to leave.

Do Honey's parents disapprove of her "squandering" her talents on hip-hop when she could make a career in ballet? Does altruistic Michael Ellis turn out to be slimy and try to sleep with Honey? Does Honey forget her roots and overlook her friends as she becomes successful? Does the community center get shut down, and must Honey put on a show to raise money to save it? Why, yes. If you predicted all that, don't be alarmed, you're not a psychic. You have merely seen movies before. Even if you've only seen three or four in your entire life, that would give you enough of a knowledge base to not only guess every step of this film's path, but to write a better one yourself.

Often with these movies, the director casts in the lead a dancer who cannot act, or an actor who cannot dance. The director of "Honey," Bille Woodruff (a real-life video director), has cast Jessica Alba, who can do neither. Her two facial expressions are "smiling" and "blank," the latter of which fills in for everything that "smiling" does not cover. Her dancing is OK, but not enough to convince anyone that Honey is worth all the attention she gets.

I have several favorite stupid moments in this film. They include:

- When Honey's dance club rival calls her a "Section 8, no-rhythm-having club ho."

- When Honey is stumped for a choreographical concept for her new video, and is then inspired by the movements in basketball and jump rope.

- When Michael Ellis, who is thoroughly white, is rebuffed by Honey and declares, "Bitch, how you gonna play me like that?!"

One moment I honestly enjoyed is Missy Elliott's brief cameo. She brings more humor, sass and energy to the film than anyone else in it, and she's only on the screen for a couple minutes. I wish the movie had been about her.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8373&reviewer=247
originally posted: 12/05/03 18:13:27
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User Comments

11/26/10 PAUL SHORTT PREDICTABLE AND CORNY 2 stars
1/03/09 John Utter schlock. 1 stars
8/19/06 Beau Enjoyable film, great acting, good dancing!!!!! and a terrific storyline!! 4 stars
8/19/06 roseanna taylor its one of my favourite films i watched it every night for 2 weeks because it was amazing 5 stars
4/05/06 Anthony Feor Filled with dreams that would never come true 1 stars
3/11/06 Tanya I don't know which was worse this or glitter 1 stars
12/06/05 J.D. Pittman III The only good part was the end. The rest was full blown street boring. 2 stars
11/22/05 Zoe Grant i have this and i love it 4 stars
10/24/05 Philomena absoulty cla 5 stars
10/21/05 chloe loved the film its wicked 5 stars
10/03/05 zoe grant i think honey is a great film and i realy enjoyed it ! 4 stars
9/24/05 mean beutiful movie 5 stars
6/15/05 Daveman The music leaves much to be desired, but overall better than what you might expect. 3 stars
6/01/05 Reyhan Celik The Best!!!!!! 5 stars
4/22/05 klee if only missy was in it longer, then maybe it would've had a chance to shine! 2 stars
4/21/05 ciara it was boiling hot I love LILROMEO! 5 stars
3/09/05 PAOLA I LOVE LILROMEO 5 stars
1/22/05 Kitty enjoyable movie 5 stars
11/26/04 carley this is such a fantastic film 5 stars
10/14/04 lewis why the hell was this piece of shit even made? 1 stars
8/17/04 tina its wicked i wish i could do the same am good at dancing u c 5 stars
6/21/04 Taz i reckon its pretty good, an inspirational movie maybe a bit like others but not as preppy! 4 stars
6/17/04 Honey It was awsome it showed me and my cousin moves to danes nice job. 5 stars
6/11/04 Geraldine It is just facinating the way that the Jessica dance d 5 stars
6/07/04 ~krissy!~ THIS MOVIE KIX ASS!!!!!!! 5 stars
6/02/04 NATHAN IT WAS A GREAT INCOREGEMENT FOR MY DANCING. 5 stars
5/23/04 Mitch "Honey" and "The Perfect Score": the most rapidly forgotten movies of the year!!! 1 stars
4/28/04 Me a great film 5 stars
4/09/04 phoenix Eeh. But can Jessica suck my big cock? 3 stars
3/31/04 Amber LaVizzo this movie was one of the Best movies iv seen I'd recomend it to anyone and eveyone! 5 stars
3/16/04 Hannah lyons excellent 5 stars
3/02/04 blue gay Gay GAY!!! 1 stars
2/27/04 Tara A great, Exciting very entertaining Teenaged Movie 5 stars
2/20/04 Akiala Brice This movie was so so good and all you haters out there like Eric D Snider needs to stop it! 5 stars
2/17/04 blaymaker can i marry her 5 stars
2/02/04 Sonia ITS WAS GREAt!! MEKHI PHIFERS FINE!!! IT WAS GOOD IT WAS GOOD 5 stars
1/20/04 MoNi da movie was good,not da best but missy elliot was kool 4 stars
1/15/04 Betty White Uninteresting, silly "musical drama", with Alba anything but sexy. 1 stars
1/12/04 samanthas it was good and i liked it when she fell up the stairs. 4 stars
1/12/04 kylie it was good predictable but good 4 stars
1/09/04 Stephen Spielborg Jessica Alba looks like E.T. 1 stars
1/08/04 Jessica Alba It was really shit, but at least I got paid for it. 1 stars
12/30/03 DM Forrest Gump could write a better movie. 1 stars
12/23/03 bow wows gurl I thought this movie waz off da chain!! 5 stars
12/22/03 pup i think this movie is the best in this movie should get more then 3 stars up 5 stars
12/22/03 Ravenheart Nothing great but I enjoyed it. 4 stars
12/10/03 The Talking Elbow This movie was GREAT! PS: I'm a slave to society and I don't think for myself. 1 stars
12/10/03 jdogg yo this flick sucks yo 1 stars
12/08/03 ROTK=2004 Oscar!! wanna see Alba??!! Rent the Dark Angel DVDs instead. 1 stars
12/07/03 Lena True this film is like others, but i like the music and how it narrates the film 4 stars
12/07/03 lilcutie a great film 5 stars
12/07/03 Brian since when did music videos have choreographer's credits at the end? 1 stars
12/06/03 lilcutie This Movie was the Best ever! 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  05-Dec-2003 (PG-13)
  DVD: 23-Mar-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  08-Jan-2004


Directed by
  Bille Woodruff

Written by
  Alonzo Brown
  Kim Watson
  Kate Lanier

Cast
  Jessica Alba
  Mekhi Phifer
  Lil' Romeo
  Joy Bryant
  Lonette McKee
  David Moscow



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