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Total Crap100%

1 review, 1 rating

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Kiss, The (2003)
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by Greg Muskewitz

"Like getting tongue from a dog."
1 stars

Schmaltzy romance about an emaciated book editor who finds an old, incomplete transcript and hunts down the hermitic author for its proper dénouement.

For a festival that featured so many amateur movies, down to the quality in which they were filmed, Gorman Bechard’s movie has the look of professional worth with the added delusion of professional actors Terence Stamp, Illeana Douglas, and Billy Zane. (Sadly, Eliza Dushku is repeatedly proving she doesn’t fit in this category.) But the funds that buy technical polish can do nothing to buff out the rest of the major flaws. The romantic angle of the movie, related through meager blocks of the book’s text filmed in black-and-white, is melodramatic, cheesy, and unromantic. It’s a further slight and variation on the concept of Paris When It Sizzles (already massacred this year in Alex & Emma) whereby our large-mouthed, milky white and angular waif envisions herself and her ex-flame in the place of the novel’s protagonists. All around, not just the laughable excerpts, the dialogue is clunky, forced, artificial. The projected reality is eye-rollingly a fantasy, replete with teen-mentality adults, unrealistic work places, unswallowable situations, etc. Never ignoring its imposter status as a writer’s movie, it fails to connect as a movie at all — Bechard’s direction is empty, meaningless, blank, unsubstantiated. And at the risk of sounding sexist (or explaining the movie’s blatant sexism), perhaps the most direct reason behind the off-key portrayal of women is because it’s directed by a man who has no idea what he’s talking about.

[Not to be bothered with.]

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originally posted: 12/29/03 09:54:51
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User Comments

1/21/05 Huge I agree - absolute crap. 1 stars
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