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Overall Rating
1.82

Awesome: 2.63%
Worth A Look: 11.84%
Average: 3.95%
Pretty Bad: 27.63%
Total Crap53.95%

7 reviews, 34 user ratings


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Torque
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by Chris Parry

"Big, dumb and stupid, but also fun to look at."
2 stars

2 Fast 2 Furious got everything wrong. There wasn't a darn thing in that film that wasn't ridiculous and lame and way off the mark. Torque is similarly ridiculous, but there's something about it that indicates the makers had no intention of it being anything but, and decided to just go way over the top and enjoy the ride. I can dig that way of thinking..

So Bike Riding Dude is back from Asia where he went on the run after stealing some bikes with drugs in them from some Biker Nazis. Now dude is back, so the Biker Nazis want their drugs back, and the local Black Power Bikers are all up ins because he offended them, and the law is also on his case because he ditched town when wanted for the drugs thing. Thankfully, Dude has a couple of Dude buddies who also ride, and a Dudette, who hates him for ditching on her and leaving her to answer to the cops... but she only hates him for about ten minutes because, really, who wants to watch two people bitch each other out all through a movie? We'd much rather he be hittin' the 'tang, yo.

Then the Biker Nazis kill the brother of the head Black Power Biker and blame it on Bike Riding Dude, so fo course the law goes along with that and the Black Power guys are right there too, so everyone hates Biker Guy. Though, seriously... do you even care?

Torque has oodles of bike riding, some seriously CGI-heavy effects and camera moves, some way out of place music, girls in not much clothing, and dialogue that couldn't matter less if it were an elementary school play. It takes the occasional shot at the Fast and the Furious flick that preceded it, throws as much energy into every action scene as it can, and never once actually tries to seem like anything more than a comic book about motorcycles.

It'd be easy to slam the heck out of Torque and call it everything bad under the sun, but really it isn't the kind of film where you'd ever once expect anything more than heavy action and thin plot. And on that front, it delivers just fine.

Not that I'm giving the film a pass mark by any stretch of the imagination - there's no way I could lower myself to such levels - but if you were a kid who likes bikes a little too much and you wanted some cheap thrills in a movie theater, Torque will do it to it.

Why haven't I mentioned any names? Because only Ice Cube will have a name you'll recognize, and he's hardly the sort of name that'll leave you saying "Ooooh, Ice Cube! I gotta see that!" If you want to see Matrix on bikes, Torque is the stuff. Just as long as you don't want any of that... what do they call it? Acting or something?

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8475&reviewer=1
originally posted: 05/26/04 18:28:18
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This film is available for download or online viewing at CinemaNow.com For more in the CinemaNow.com series, click here.
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User Comments

3/25/18 morris campbell lame for fast & furious fans only 1 stars
8/15/08 Shaun Wallner Boring not worth it! 1 stars
4/04/07 David Pollastrini Not Ice Cube's best work 2 stars
5/12/06 mr.seraph "pretty" movie... but bad story... bad acting... it may look nice... but its a poor movie 2 stars
6/30/05 fiokiee edward minty its ok but the ideal of helopter bikea t the end its speep was too much and the act of the 4 stars
12/30/04 Dan wtf did I just watch? 1 stars
8/10/04 tatum Dumb, but with watchable cast 2 stars
8/06/04 Samurai Z NOT BAD MATE!!! packed with action goodies 4 stars
7/21/04 Ben Krake Torque is the most crapiest movie i have ever seen especially when van deisal's line was us 1 stars
6/21/04 DAVID ANDERSON A LIVE ACTION CARTOON 1 stars
3/31/04 Alex This movie is awesome. It is fast, action packed and so much fun. 5 stars
3/23/04 ILLEGALLY BLONDE Saw it with friends. Couldn't torque 'em out of it. Picks up a little interest toward end. 3 stars
3/16/04 Graeme Cowie This is the biggest load of bollocks I have seen ever! 1 stars
2/12/04 too-much-coffee-man what exactly about the ads alone doesn't scream, "Avoid this!"? 1 stars
2/08/04 MelissaNYC Movies like Torque were made for MaRIa - loud and dumb. 1 stars
2/05/04 Tabularas This Film sucks! There are lazy impossible stunts and no logic in it. Spare your money!!!! 1 stars
1/27/04 Chloe Brody Pieces of horse shit is more entertaining than this 1 stars
1/26/04 MaRIa i reckon it was maaaad worth ur money ppl dont woryy bout the other gyes saying it was gayi 5 stars
1/26/04 JEN I loved this movie i thought it was very cool 4 stars
1/23/04 Jestyr i went expecting a bad movie...and i still thought i got ripped off. 1 stars
1/21/04 Betty White Not as bad as you'd think. Breathtaking action scenes almost make up for the lousy script. 3 stars
1/20/04 Shaun stupid and obnoxious 1 stars
1/20/04 Todd I feel like I've been gang raped by everyone involved in this movie. 1 stars
1/19/04 Stephen Spielborg Even I could make a better movie. 1 stars
1/18/04 Chango Not as bad as Attack of the Clones, but not all that great. Winter popcorn flick. 3 stars
1/18/04 MetallicA Does the producer of XXX and the fast and the furious mean anything? 1 stars
1/18/04 Shawn stupid, extremely fake, save your $$$ 1 stars
1/18/04 Brian ugh... 1 stars
1/17/04 Idiot DON'T WRIST YOUR MONEY 1 stars
1/17/04 Nikolai You just don't get it. It's not an emotion it's a word. The screener is hiding WMDs 1 stars
1/17/04 J This movie is retarded! No Star is deserved 1 stars
1/15/04 Joe Blow Horrible digital effects due to apparent lack of qualified stunt people. Typical garbage. 1 stars
1/14/04 DAVID GREEN DON'T WAIST YOUR MONEY ON THIS MOVIE! 1 stars
1/12/04 Stu Looks bloody shitful - wouldn't bother wasting my time. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  16-Jan-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 18-May-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  22-Jan-2004




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