"'You're the roadrunner?' Jones:'Yep, never been caught. Meep meep"
Yes. I saw this movie. I saw the sequel too. I ws going through an action flick phase. So sue me. Well, don't really. Please.It's ok that I saw it because I can warn you that it stank! Yeah! I'm completely justified.
Now that I've dealt with my issues, let me summarize the plot for you? I can? Thanks... Steven Segal is a chef. YEAH. I'm SO SURE he can cook. Whatever. But he's nt really a chef. He's an ex-navy seal. He's on the baot as a chef because the superduper generalissimo dude wanted him on as a bodyguard, but since he got kicked out (probably for some soup recipe.) But it's a good thing he's there! 'Cause Tommy Lee Jones is going to kill everyone! Apparently Steven Segal SUCKS as a bodyguard (note to celebrities: hire someone else, even if you DO feel bad for the guy. I hear Kevin Costner is looking for work) because the generalissimo DIES (spoiler nyeah.)
Anyways, in the end Steven Segal Saves the ship and gets the babe (that slut with the massive eyebrows who was on Baywatch.)
Although I really really hated this movie, I give it 3 sporks because it really does its job. It's formulaic, but it doesn't try to do anything else. It knows. If Steven Segal had come on at the beggining and said "You guys realize I'm just totally copying Bruce Willis, right? OK...just so you know. Sorry. If I had talent I would try something else." I would have forgiven him.3 sporks. It's blah. Save your money and go rent Die Hard again.