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Overall Rating
3.48

Awesome: 12.99%
Worth A Look45.45%
Average: 25.97%
Pretty Bad: 7.79%
Total Crap: 7.79%

4 reviews, 53 user ratings



Under Siege
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by spork-girl

"'You're the roadrunner?' Jones:'Yep, never been caught. Meep meep"
3 stars

Yes. I saw this movie. I saw the sequel too. I ws going through an action flick phase. So sue me. Well, don't really. Please.

It's ok that I saw it because I can warn you that it stank! Yeah! I'm completely justified.

Now that I've dealt with my issues, let me summarize the plot for you? I can? Thanks... Steven Segal is a chef. YEAH. I'm SO SURE he can cook. Whatever. But he's nt really a chef. He's an ex-navy seal. He's on the baot as a chef because the superduper generalissimo dude wanted him on as a bodyguard, but since he got kicked out (probably for some soup recipe.) But it's a good thing he's there! 'Cause Tommy Lee Jones is going to kill everyone! Apparently Steven Segal SUCKS as a bodyguard (note to celebrities: hire someone else, even if you DO feel bad for the guy. I hear Kevin Costner is looking for work) because the generalissimo DIES (spoiler nyeah.)

Anyways, in the end Steven Segal Saves the ship and gets the babe (that slut with the massive eyebrows who was on Baywatch.)

Although I really really hated this movie, I give it 3 sporks because it really does its job. It's formulaic, but it doesn't try to do anything else. It knows. If Steven Segal had come on at the beggining and said "You guys realize I'm just totally copying Bruce Willis, right? OK...just so you know. Sorry. If I had talent I would try something else." I would have forgiven him.

3 sporks. It's blah. Save your money and go rent Die Hard again.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=848&reviewer=6
originally posted: 09/03/98 11:56:26
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User Comments

8/12/11 art segal was WOODEN,jones was HAMMY,eleniak was PATHETIC,need i say more? 2 stars
2/19/11 PAUL SHORTT SLICK BUT OFTEN RIDICULOUS AND PREDICTABLE 2 stars
11/14/10 Tweeter & the Monkeyman Worth watching just to see Seagal in a chef's hat 4 stars
4/10/10 Jeff Wilder Seagal's best. Good action and Jones and Busey are great villains. 4 stars
6/23/09 Aaron Smith Seagal's style of action is my personal favorite. Tommy Lee is hilarious. 4 stars
1/27/08 Pamela White Segal is his usual controlled fury but this one gets long 3 stars
7/09/07 Eddy I would've just shot that whiny blond bitch 4 stars
2/14/07 johnnyfog Jones and Busey are much cooler than Segal. I wanted them to win 3 stars
1/13/07 Phil M. Aficionado It's a fun fireworks packed ride, thanks largely to Jones, and also Busey. 3 stars
1/09/07 layton59 Great Summary and Review from JS. I agree with everything JS says here. Under Siege rocks 5 stars
12/09/06 cindy l truitt steven seagal is a very good actor and martial artist,i love him so much 5 stars
3/28/06 Brian Meyer Segal may be typecast, but his Aikido style is #1!!!! 5 stars
1/03/06 Anthony Feor Steven Segal cant act whatsoever, but when he fights, now that grabed my attention 4 stars
9/26/05 tony Was not as good as i thought it would be! I was dissapointed, i hope #2 is better! 3 stars
9/17/05 Michael All The Right Stuff 4 stars
8/19/05 ES forty highly trained, armed men are no match for an unarmed cook, ah hollywood 1 stars
4/15/05 Raymond Montoya Great Seaqal over comes all odds theme. love em 4 stars
3/23/05 Cheryl Free I love anything with Seagal in it! 5 stars
3/16/05 Chris Stephens standard Segall crap 3 stars
2/05/05 Jeff Anderson SEAGAL'S BEST OF ALL TIME, PERIOD! Jones & Busey ROCK! TAKE MY PIES OUTTA THE OVEN!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
1/22/05 Tjalda L. Schiel I love this movie even though I can't stand Steven Segal. Go Tommy, Go Gary, and Go Erika 5 stars
11/01/04 Charles S. Lewis spork-girl I suggest you go back to playing with your barbie dolls!! Both 1 & 2 are AWESOME 5 stars
5/16/04 John Segal is cheesy - movie is a pathetic DIE HARD rip off with none of its charm 1 stars
5/06/04 J.Peckerfoot i have never been keen on Steven 'straight to video' Segal 2 stars
5/03/04 Martin Segal is pathetic. 1 stars
2/02/04 Wendy Cool film, great action, great actors, even Steven Segal is ok in this! 4 stars
1/22/04 Jerome Under seige is my favorite move 5 stars
8/09/03 Pam Bereza Guess What....I don't have to see this film to know that Steven Segal Sucks!!!! 1 stars
8/06/03 P.Rodriguez Segal at his best,.........thats not saying much though 3 stars
7/26/03 3man Decent action movie on a unique enviroment. Jones was excellent. 4 stars
7/20/03 Leoperd if SNL says segal sucks, and spork-girl says segal sucks.. segal probably does really suck. 2 stars
7/12/03 Stefan Halka Seagal's only finest, quality film to date. 4 stars
4/12/03 Jack Sommersby A great action pic. Performances, dialogue, fight scenes -- all wonderful. 4 stars
2/19/03 Matthew Jones Got Steven Seagal, kick-ass fight scenes, and a famous U.S. battleship. What more is there? 5 stars
1/31/03 Sugarfoot Enjoyable, But Seagal is about as believeable as a cook as George W. Bush is as Einstein 3 stars
10/15/02 Charles Tatum The boat turns in a better performance than Seagal 3 stars
8/09/02 STEVE THIS MOVIE STINKS! the sequal is better and gets an awsome 1 stars
7/20/02 KMG ---THIS IS THE ONLY GOOD MOVIE SEAGAL HAS DONE---- 4 stars
3/07/02 Marcia Lartz Steven Seagal goes more mainstream in his first movie without a three-word title. 4 stars
2/17/02 R.W. Welch Not bad for a Seagal flick; Jones provides some interest. 3 stars
1/18/02 Andrew Carden It Was OK...but In Most Point Of View...It Was Very Bland. 3 stars
10/06/01 Jake Very impressive. Die Hard on a ship. Thats a compliment. 4 stars
8/09/01 Mr. Hat Pretty damn cool. 3 stars
12/25/00 Ro Only worth it for Tommy Lee Jones (who's a babe). 1 stars
12/02/00 Phil One of Tommy Lee Jones' greatest performances + Seagal breaking bones = AWESOME FLICK! 5 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla it all worked out for me, but, yeah, he's lucky of pulling this one out 4 stars
3/20/00 arnold best segal flick which is not saying much 3 stars
12/06/99 Bill Strannix Hey, man, I should have lived. Little Segal fucker's a wuss. 3 stars
7/05/99 Ben Leostein Rating: ** (out of ****) Category: "Above Average" 4 stars
11/27/98 little jerry At least you'll never have to watch Seagal again 'cause this is as good as he'll get. 3 stars
10/28/98 Silent Rob At least Willis and Arnie are fun to watch...... 2 stars
10/25/98 Johny Even if it was a ripoff of Die Hard it's enjoyable 4 stars
9/05/98 pooky the bald Dude, this is worth two stars just for Erika Elaniak's perfect perfect perfect titties. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  09-Oct-1992 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Andrew Davis

Written by
  J.F. Lawton

Cast
  Steven Seagal
  Tommy Lee Jones
  Erika Elaniak
  Lee Hinton
  Gary Busey
  Patrick O'Neal



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