"And I liked the Dolly Parton version of the song better, too."
There are thousands of things that I could ridicule about this movie. However, I'm going to try to keep to a central theme. And my theme is this: this movie couldn't be any duller. Not even if they tried to make a dull movie.The Bodyguard stars Kevin Costner as Frank Farmer, a former Secret Service bodyguard who can't get over the Reagan assassination attempt. Now here's the kicker: he can't let it go because he had to trade shifts that day to go to his MOTHER'S FUNERAL. Whitney Houston is Rachel Marron, a screen and pop diva with a stalker. But, she doesn't know that she has a stalker because her flunkies don't want to upset her. Whit…I mean Rachel resists Farmer's security efforts until she learns about the stalker, and then she seduces him. After that, they snipe at each other for about an hour of film. Rachel also has a jealous sister, and an old Secret Service colleague of Farmer's keeps showing up at obvious moments. Anyone care to guess who did it?
The plot of this movie is laughably predictable. Murder…She Wrote employed more sophistication. I'm talking about the last season of Murder…She Wrote. The movie is littered with red herrings and paint-by-numbers plot devices. The one mildly suspenseful sequence in the movie occurs after you have checked off everything that you knew was going to happen and are waiting on Farmer to take the bullet for her.
Kevin Costner gives a performance that would make his mother proud-provided that his mother is a tree stump. But Kevin is the lesser of two evils. Whitney Houston is called upon to play herself and she tee-totally sucks. She recites her lines with the dispassion of a bored telephone operator. Her seduction of Farmer was practically endothermic. But above all else, she was simply unbelievable in the role. Which when you consider the fact that she was playing herself, is pretty damn bad.The fifteen second clip of Yojinbo is the only reason this movie is even watchable.