Why would anyone want to remake Notorious is beyond me. That’s just what I told myself when I saw this bullshit remake of the classic Hitchcock film which leaves more headaches than rejoices since it takes away intelligence and wit and plants titillation, stupidity and ridiculousness instead.The film is about Alice (played by “red-hot” Heather Graham); a London web designer who has an idiot husband Jake (Jason Hughes), and now wants to have a better daring man in Adam (Joseph Fiennes), whom is a mountain climber. And they both have sex, and then get married, then have sex again only that Alice doesn’t realize that his life is full of mysteries, including a locked closet, secret notes, Adam’s weird sister Deborah (Natascha McElhone) and Adam’s bullshit past about all his former girlfriends killed, so her life may be in danger. Anyone care to guess who wants her dead?
"Kill me hard instead, NOW!"
This film was utter shit; all marketed up around the sex scenes between Graham and Fiennes that are actually more boring than titillating (though of course, I didn't mind looking at them). I can’t understand how anybody would want to fuck a skinny bitch like Graham, maybe because of her breasts, and that’s a big maybe. No wonder everybody said that the scenes caused a few laughs.
Anyways, this film is pure formula, made up on overused clichés and cheap plot devices to actually try and squeeze out any suspense into the movie, which there is none. Alice, the main character is paper thin and uninteresting; in fact, she makes for a despicable, stupid, moronic bitch after all since she marries someone that doesn’t know shit about. Several supporting characters and subplots that the film touches into are left dangling for the hell of it and completely underused. Graham and Fiennes have ZERO chemistry.
The direction by Chen Kaige is amateurish and ponderous, and the guy is a complete dumbass too, along with his editors since in certain scenes that have violence, there are glaring and laughable errors of continuity. Hell, in one scene you have Alice’s face alright with no mark, and then in the following shot, she shows a scratch and blood in her mouth. Did she bite her tongue or something? In another scene, Adam has no marks in his face and then the following shot has him with a scratch. How the fuck did that happened? And this is the same Chen Kaige, the guy who did Yellow Earth, Life on a String, Farewell my Concubine, and The Emperor and the Assasin? Geez, talk about career suicide.
This is one inexcusably moronic movie, with the twist being as predictable as your average washing rag, and when it finally comes and the real killer is shown, you will even care less. Kara Lindstrom, welcome to screenwriter Hell.
The acting is pathetic, with Heather Graham resembling more a block of wood than an actress. Joseph Fiennes is completely wasted here in what would be another nail to the coffin of his once thriving career. The real waste is Natascha McElhone, oh man, there’s an actress that I like, that actually has talent to progress, and seeing her get involved in this crap makes me feel sorry for her. Do yourself a favor honey, fire your agent NOW!In the end, this film is an insulting remake of the original and the people that made this garbage bag should be shot. No wonder this piece of shit in the end went straight to video in the US. Do yourself a favor, download the sex scenes via internet and avoid this film, and go rent Notorious instead. 1-5
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8573&reviewer=235
originally posted: 01/28/04 11:18:48