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Overall Rating
3.89

Awesome54.12%
Worth A Look: 8.24%
Average: 18.82%
Pretty Bad: 10.59%
Total Crap: 8.24%

3 reviews, 67 user ratings


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Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
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by Erik Childress

"Nobody Puts Castro In The Corner"
2 stars

No it wasnít necessary. Have I answered all your questions about the sequel to the 1987 cult hit? Ah-ha, but ďsequelĒ would be inaccurate, since its merely just an attempt to cow some cash on an already-sold brand name. That and its actually a prequel. Címon, how many questions do you really have? Youíre not actually going to see this, right? So what do you care? Thereís very little to say about it anyway since it may be the first film to actually adapt the Seinfeld axiom of being about nothing.

Nothing much happens at all in Havana Nights except a little thing called the Cuban Revolution, which apparently was about the same thing that drove the Nazis to knock off those pesky Swing Kids. They donít like songs or dancing. The white epicenter of Havana feels like an invasion all its own with days by the swimming pool and fancy parties at night.

In a candidate for blandest narration of all time, Katey Vendetto (Romola Garai - hopefully dancing is her day job) tells us how daddy got a job down there and they were forced to move or something. Mommy and Daddy (Sela Ward and John Slattery) used to be great dancers but have since given it up. Little sis Susie (Mika Boorem) is in with the young socialites. These include James (Jonathan Jackson) whose dad is Kateyís dadís boss and Eve (January Jones) who will call a waiter a ďspicĒ, get Katey in trouble for socializing with said ďspicĒ and then leave the movie altogether.

The racial slur in question belongs to Xavier Perez (Diego Luna, the other half of Y Tu Mama Tambien), a kinda-revolutionary who believes in dancing rather than guns. Well, he likes to dance. I donít know if he actually believes in it. His moves intrigue Katey and hack off James who in turn aggressively puts the moves on her. Donít worry, there are no rusty hanger abortions in this film. Itís about the dancing!

Yeah, thatís what they all say. Truth is the dancing really isnít all that dirty. Maybe in 1987, sweaty thigh-touching seemed taboo (at least until the Lambada film craze of 1990) but this is Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards stuff nowadays. Xavier & Katey take to training for a dance contest in the Swayze/Grey milieu and the dancing itself is actually nicely done. Luna and Garai certainly donít generate any sexiness in the steps of their relationship since they have all the heat of two ants on different coasts. But after seeing the abomination that is You Got Served, it was nice to see some dancing that didnít resemble a full body dry heave set to music or Alfonso Ribeiro in the denouement of Ticks.

Havana Nights is great snickering material and not much else. The greatest snicker may come a half-hour in when that recognizable voice teaching the dance class happens to be none other than Patrick Swayze. HEY, A TIE-IN! Except its 17 years since the original and this film takes place prior to. Maybe thatís why Swayze isnít labeled in the credits as Johnny Castle but ďdance class instructorĒ Still, its nice to see Swayze showing the youngsters what dancing really is.

Itís hard to really smackdown Havana Nights, although itís still a bad movie. Virtually no serious effort was put into anything but the dance scenes and thatís enough to warrant immediate scorn. You Got Served had Lilí Kim showing more tit than talent and at least Havana Nights has Mya belting out a nice Latin number during the contest. Put it in perspective and its depressing just how much worse you could do, especially when a Bad Boys sequel has more of a Cuban revolution than this film. I certainly didnít feel the music (nor the heat, passion, or fire) and you wonít have the time of your life as the poster suggests.

Havana Nights could have done just as poorly without the Dirty Dancing labeling, thus forcing it to eliminate the Swayze connection and chop another 10 minutes off the movie. Everybody wins. 75 minutes would still be a bit long for a film without a screenplay, but maybe in more tolerable installments we can look forward to Dirty Dancing: Siberian Winters, Dirty Dancing: Rainforest Storms & Dirty Dancing: Breakiní 3: The Electric Forbidden Domination starring Janet Jacksonís breast and Kevin Baconís shlong.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8775&reviewer=198
originally posted: 02/27/04 17:25:53
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User Comments

5/13/09 Sirry This movie is the best !!!! 5 stars
12/05/08 Shaun Wallner Awesome Story! 5 stars
4/01/08 doggie 1 Dirty Dancing was WAY BETTER then this one.i HATE Havana Nights 1 stars
3/27/08 Heather I HATE this movie.The first is WAYYYY BETTER 1 stars
8/01/07 Maria i love it!!!it is mz favorite!!! 5 stars
7/24/07 mbs It's clean,fun, and enjoyable. Isn't that the meaning of entertainment? Luna was great. 5 stars
2/03/07 Sylvia I was impressed when I saw it 5 stars
11/26/06 AL Predicatable, the all too modern music takes away from the setting and feeling of the era. 2 stars
6/27/06 Ashley Hinz Forgettable, but a decent movie to see once. 3 stars
6/25/06 lucinda i loved it, it makes u want to dance like them!!!! 5 stars
6/24/06 xxx I LLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS MOVIE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH..i dont know why tho 5 stars
12/24/05 Laura Doe I love this movie and it was wonderful! anyone who disagrees needs to find their priorties 5 stars
12/12/05 lisa i loved it so much it was so good! 5 stars
11/26/05 cr a decent sequel with some sexy cuban dances and true love story, cool but not good as 1 3 stars
11/21/05 Sherilyn To comment on the movie and any ratings, it is Javier, not Xavier. Spanish peeps! 4 stars
11/15/05 noops gr8 movie...i love Romola.... 5 stars
10/15/05 Crystal I loved it!!!!!!1 5 stars
9/25/05 Malcolm Brown Brilliant, great dancing 4 stars
7/30/05 jessi I totally loved it ... i wish i could dance 5 stars
4/09/05 Janet Corkerin I thought it was postively fantastic! Passionate...very sensual ! 5 stars
2/18/05 Missy Mc total disappointment 2 stars
1/09/05 portia smith it was AWESOME 5 stars
12/28/04 Cara so...let me just fuck diego? k. 5 stars
11/25/04 Brittney I loved it . It was a great movie. 5 stars
11/23/04 Mockingbird So badly acted and petty that it's hilarious, a teenage girl's wet dream 4 stars
11/15/04 Kelly OMG I LOVE Dirty Dancing Havanah Nights. I've seen it 9 times, and I LOVE DIego Luna 5 stars
8/24/04 Bilbo Good film. Garai is a hottie. Nuff said. 5 stars
8/10/04 tatum Living la vida communista 3 stars
7/30/04 katie i could watch it over n over agen DIEGO LUNA is the hottest thing 5 stars
7/18/04 lheolyne mandigal incredible! excellent!! 5 stars
7/13/04 maya it's a wonderfull film about love,dance and passion. You will fal in love with diego luna ! 5 stars
7/09/04 sam loved it 5 stars
5/18/04 nadine khedr this movie is just a great one and should not be critisized on story but on the dancing 5 stars
5/10/04 Leena It was great. Although the plot ain't that good, the dancing was breath taking 5 stars
5/07/04 Andrea anti- American, pro-communist drivel. Boring as hell anyway. 1 stars
4/01/04 charlie faboulous!!! Best movie I've seen in a while. 5 stars
3/27/04 Candace this movie was great...very teen friendly 5 stars
3/27/04 Gretchen good music, fun, loved it 5 stars
3/24/04 Margie Diego Luna is very hot, but even he couldn't save this movie :-( 2 stars
3/21/04 Lizz It's thinr brdt movie EVA!!!!!!!!! Diego Luna Isthe hottest man eva!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
3/21/04 Jesse Pretty good, music and dancing made me and my friends want to dance, and we don't know how. 4 stars
3/21/04 jade OMG IT'S THE BEST MOVIE EVER! ITS SOO COOL I WANNA BE IN IT!! 5 stars
3/20/04 Christy Predictable, Typical? Yes. Fun & Worth Seeing? Definitely! 5 stars
3/13/04 Danyelle It was really great, since I'm a latin dancer I can connect. Plus Diego Luna is hott... 5 stars
3/06/04 nare grigorian this movie has inspired me to get tango and salsa dancing classes 5 stars
3/06/04 Someone This was the stupidest fucking movie i have ever seen!! 1 stars
3/04/04 Todd You people are all fucking morons!! It was a million times worse than the first one!!!!!!!! 1 stars
3/04/04 erica i loved the movie. i think it was fabulous. 5 stars
3/03/04 atanu it is not wonderful. its pathetic, at par with you. 1 stars
3/03/04 Shelly I thought the movie was WONDERFUL!!!! 5 stars
3/03/04 Laurie Dido I LOVED THIS MOVIE! it is my 2nd favorite movie with Pirates of the Caribean as my 1st! 5 stars
3/03/04 Joey I really liked this movie, the dancing was awesome!!!! 4 stars
3/02/04 Jennie I absolutely loved it! I can't remember the last movie I loved as much as this one! 5 stars
3/02/04 Katia Pierre Loved it way better than the first. At least these dancers had rythm & Diego is Beautiful 5 stars
3/02/04 Monina Hernandez U guys rocked 5 stars
3/01/04 djacosta A simple movie 3 stars
3/01/04 The Emperor's New Clothes Sometimes you just have to laugh. Cooba! Represent Represent! We do it dirty! dirty dancing 4 stars
3/01/04 Gia This movie was GREAT! The perfect treat after a year of nothing but dry acting. 5 stars
3/01/04 Jessica Very hot and steamy movie the dancing is very sexy, plus the guy is sooo hott! 5 stars
3/01/04 Jenn Lorenzo It was awesome!!! 5 stars
3/01/04 Marla It was possibly the GREATEST movie I've seen sinse finding nemo. 5 stars
3/01/04 C Boudreau I loved it, lots and lots of dancing. 4 stars
2/29/04 Marie LeBlanc Cuban dude hot. Chick ok. Acting terrible. Dancing rocked. That's all there is. 5 stars
2/29/04 Carterlynn Michaels A.W.E.S.O.M.E! enough said! 5 stars
2/29/04 Miori It was a really fun movie that people in the theater clapped and laughed to. 5 stars
2/29/04 Niquela Iy was AWSOME !!!!!!! 5 stars
2/28/04 atanu sucks. what did you expect? 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Feb-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 20-Jul-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  13-May-2004 (PG)


Directed by
  Guy Ferland

Written by
  Ronald Bass

Cast
  Romola Garai
  Diego Luna
  Mika Boreem
  Jonathan Jackson
  January Jones
  Patrick Swayze



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