"A turkey this huge deserves a November release...and a shotgun to the head."
It doesn't surprise me to see Ashley Judd in yet ANOTHER worthless 'crime thriller'. It doesn't shock me to sit through yet ANOTHER painfully formulaic dungpile that feels as if it were produced for the Lifetime Channel. It doesn't shatter my world to see solid character actors like Sam Jackson, David Strathairn and Andy Garcia slumming for a paycheck. But "Directed by Philip Kaufman"? Ugh, too depressing to even contemplate.Who's Philip Kaufman? Only a screenwriter/director who has had his hand in movies like The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Wanderers, The Right Stuff, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Henry & June, Quills, and the brilliant 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers! Heck, even his less-than-excellent projects (like, say, Rising Sun) have a flair and a crispness that indicate the presence of a truly talented filmmaker.
But Twisted? Holy macaroni. It boggles the mind to imagine how such a fantastic moviemaker could be behind such a truly abhorrent end product. It's as if the most obvious and boring sequences of Ashley Judd's filmography were snipped and inserted into one yawning crapfest.
And they called it Twisted.
For those who had no trouble buying Ashley Judd as 'empowered' in the endless deluge of chaff that was Double Jeopardy, Eye of the Beholder, High Crimes and Kiss the Girls, well here's a fifth go round, an interminable whodunit about a slutty police detective and her soon-to-be-dead sex partners. Hey, I bet Ashley gets accused of killing all these guys, ONLY because she's shtupped each and every one! And I bet she didn't do it, despite every effort by Sarah Thorp's atrocious screenplay to trick us into thinking there's something 'shocking' around every corner.
The only thing shocking about Twisted is how such a piteous movie could come with the name Philip Kaufman attached to it. You've seen better mysteries on Murder, She Wrote, you'll hear more convincing dialogue in an Ed Wood flick, and you'll experience better sex scenes on a hot day at your local zoo.I think it's officially time to give up on this whole "Ashley Judd" thing. At least where the 'tough gal' schpiel is concerned. I've seen ferns that are more threatening than Ms. Judd.