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Total Crap85.71%

1 review, 1 rating

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Convent, The (1995)
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by Greg Muskewitz

"No place is safe from this movie."
1 stars

An off-the-radar mystery of the occult from nonagenarian filmmaker Maneol de Oliveira (though when this was made, he was only an octogenarian), something about a professor (John Malkovich) who takes his controlling and selfish wife (Catherine Deneuve) on a trip to investigate facts for his thesis that Shakespeare was actually a Jew of Spanish descent.

“Lent” a pure woman to help him, a librarian at the monastery they’re staying at, the professor begins to develop feelings for her, while his scheming wife makes an ambiguous pact with the caretaker of the monastery, in actuality the devil, to keep her husband for herself. There’s a whole lot of something going on, but specifically what it is, there is no putting a finger on it, while the film tediously trudges along at a snail’s pace complicating matters further since regardless of how slow it goes, it doesn’t make any more sense. Malkovich and Deneuve look just as lost (that is, when you can see them through the poor lighting) as they spend a lot of the time thumbing through books or slamming doors, and when they do speak, it’s of the cryptic head-scratching variety, clumsily scripted, and even clumsier in execution. The one positive, though it is no less incongruous than the rest, is a shrillingly spooky score (tightly wound strings) that makes you feel as if you’re watching something so scary you should be wearing Depends. With Leonor Silveira and Luís Miguel Cintra.

[Not to be bothered with.]

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originally posted: 04/07/04 15:53:09
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User Comments

2/04/06 Beatriz Hoffius excellent 5 stars
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  07-Oct-1995 (NR)



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