Batman & Robin

Reviewed By Fenris
Posted 11/24/99 09:46:27

"I feel dumber just for having watched it."
1 stars (Total Crap)

Thank you, Mr. Schumacher, for giving me another reason to hate you. You aren't even half the man Tim Burton is.

I have NEVER walked out on a movie, even this one, but Batman and Robin made me want to soooo bad. With stunning dialogue like, "Hi Freeze, I'm Batman." and "Everybody chill!" how could you NOT think of asking for your money back? The opening fight scene proved that when you tie a rope around someone and lift them off the floor, it does sort of look like they're flying! I don't know where the gravity went, they must have been fighting in the empty vacuum of space between Mr. Schumacher's ears.

I despise movies that take a long time idea and change it. Anyone who used to watch the old Batman television show with Adam West knows that Batgirl was Commissioner Gordon's daughter! Suddenly she's Alfred's niece? WTF?!?! and I'm sick and tired of Batman baddies working together. First the Penguin and Catwoman and Max Shreck, then Two Face and the Riddler... now Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy. Talk about a stretch. You can stop adding Batman characters to the story now... I think we've got enough.

Oh, yeah, the storyline. Mr. Freeze is angry because his wife is sick and he turned into a popsicle by the people he worked for. Poison Ivy was screwed over by her research partner after creating some sort of mutant formula. Together, they decide to destroy Gotham City. Batman and Robin are joined by Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone), who finds the Batcave easily. All together, they fight off Poison Ivy while convincing Freeze that his wife can be saved. Blah. That's what the storyline was SUPPOSED to be, I think. The actual plot is a bunch of bad actors jump around with more cheesiness than an episode of Hercules and spew bad dialogue while being paid a buttload of money. Save YOUR money, don't even rent this. Go watch the *ZAP*, *POW* and *ZABLAM* fight scenes of the old Batman. I assure you, it'll be much more entertaining.

I can only hope this is the last Batman movie ever made. Joel Schumacher has taken a good movie and beat it into the ground with sequels.

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