Man, this movie rocked!!! Everything was perfect, the acting script, settings, everything. I loved Arnold as Mr. Freeze, and George Clooney as Batman. They give Oscar caliber performances. And Uma Thurman and Alicia Silverstone, man they're hot, you should watch this movie, it rocks, but wait there's more...If your thoughts reading the first paragraph were: "Oh, finally, somebody agrees with me," or: "Who's the idiot... what's he saying?" then GOTCHA MOTHERFUCKER!!!! But if you figured it out before, then DAMN, I NEARLY HAD HIM!!! You must be puzzled, well first of all if you thought the first one, then I must say that you're a fucking asshole 'cause THIS MOVIE SUCKED HARD SHIT!!! If you thought the second one, then I'm on your side buddy, no need to get pissed off, but if you figured out the trick, then good for you.
"Makes You Wanna Kill Somebody, Wouldn't You?"
At any rate, you may wanna avoid this movie. Why? Well, BECAUSE ITS A PIECE OF SHIT THAT'S WHY! Hell, I can't believe it got all the way up to this. I went to the theater to watch this film back in 1997 when it premiered and when I walked out I was just numb, and constantly asking myself: What the fuck was that?? In the end, the most obvious answer was this: These assholes braindead filmmakers have turned Batman, a respectable figure in the comic underworld, into a fucking spoof! It’s a disgrace. Its bullshit. Wanna know more?
First of all, why the fuck does Freeze wants to freeze Gotham City?
Why the fuck was Arnold Schwarzennegger cast as Freeze?
Why the fuck is George Clooney smiling a lot?
Why the fuck is Poison Ivy going against Batman?
Why the fuck was this movie made?
"Hey Freeze, I'm Batman"
"The Batman Credit card, I never leave the cave without it."
Oh yeah, who can foget about "EVERYBODY, CHILL!!!!"
Gosh, the lamest one-liners and the shittiest plot ever. What pisses me off the most is that the entire plot is plot less, doesn’t make any sense whatever state of mind you’re in. Freeze wants to get revenge over the city because of his wife, give me a fucking break! I would go over the people of the company not the fucking city. And don't get me started with the solar beams de-freezing the entire city, yeah, that's great, lets all get fucked up with skin cancer for fuck's sake.
The way Uma Thurman turns into Poison Ivy is simply un-fucking-believable. Hell, there must be a decent scientific explanation why did she turn like that. But no, she gets thrown into a pool of some shit, and then she comes out as Poison Ivy, "with poison in her blood, and a deadly kiss." yeah, sure, aha. Even with new clothes. Sure, why not? All right, Freeze is trying to defend himself from Batman, I can understand that, but what the hell does Poison Ivy has against Batman? It’s fucking ridiculous. It's like me walking in the street and the first guy I see, that's the first guy I'm going to beat the shit out of. Gosh, why?
The acting is lame and pissed poor, the action sequences are stupid and not believable, the scenery is campy and colorful. For heaven's sake, JOEL, AKIVA, DO I HAVE TO ALWAYS REMIND YOU THAT BATMAN IS DARK? PLEASE, ITS NOT AN ORDINARY FUCKING COMIC STRIP WHERE YOU LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF TO SOME STUPID JOKES! ITS GOTHIC, AND GOTHIC MEANS DARK!!!! Not some fucking city that looks and acts like a goddamn nonstop party circus, the heroes looking like pathetic wimps, and villains who are even more stupid than hell.Now I hope if there is a fifth Batman movie, make it dark and moody like it always was, and have a script with a plot. Bring Michael Keaton, Tim Burton, Sam Hamm, and Warren Skaaren back. And drag Joel Fucking Schumacher and Akiva Goddamn Goldsman to the street and have them shot!!!!!! (0-5)
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=88&reviewer=235
originally posted: 12/08/00 16:29:26