Worth A Look: 14.29%
Pretty Bad: 28.57%
Total Crap: 42.86%
2 reviews, 16 user ratings
|Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London
by Scott Weinberg
The following is a completely fake, made-up and otherwise totally fabricated series of email exchanges between two entirely fictional executives at MGM Studios. You can tell it's fake because there won't be any typos.Chazz: Yeah, so this Spy Kids thing is really taking off. Let's make our own. We can call it Kid Spy. Our slant will be that there's just one kid. That's what makes it fresh.
"Worthless sequel to a ripoff that made some money."
Skip: Done. We still have that Muniz kid under contract. He didn't like the singing yo-yo script, so he owes us at least one flick before his voice cracks. We got, like, four weeks max on that.
Chazz: Done. By the time you see me, I'll have a director desperate for work and a half-dozen actors who don't have anything to do for the next two weeks.
---4 months later---
Skip: $14 million opening weekend! We're geniuses! Call that kid's agent and sign him for a sequel NOW. Yeah, I know there's another Spy Kids movie coming...what? Catch That Kid? Bah! We were the first ripoff out there! Nobody's gonna steal our stolen idea!
Chazz: Agreed. We toss Frankie a moped or something and he's in. I gotta go find another inexpensive director and some bored actors.
---2 months later---
Chazz: Hmm, is this really a great idea? Our budget and marketing combined cost about 40 mill, and the movie grossed just about that much...
Skip: Are you nuts? Those Chinese people and the English LOVE any American movies! Boom, we're in the black. Don't forget the fact that basically any DVD is guaranteed at least a million sold...and we're looking at residuals until Muniz is old enough to rent a car on his own! We're loaded!
Chazz: True. Oh, I just signed that Anthony Anderson for a supporting role. He's, like, "hep"...right?
Skip: Yes! Perfect! He's loud and black! Hello, new demographic!
Chazz: Ooh, I'm getting excited. I gotta go. Frankie's looking for some Yoo-Hoo.
---6 months later---
Skip: Wow, this sequel kinda...well it stinks on ice is what it does.
Chazz: Yeah? And? The first one was something akin to Citizen Kane?
Skip: Well, no. But even though it was a fairly shameless little retread, there were still a few clever ideas and a sunny enough disposition... This one's like...
Chazz: Product! It's product baby, and it's about to put a new Lexus in your garage, man! Who cares that we needed three separate writers to pen something this boring and inane? It's free money! Parents, like, force their kids to go see this stuff on Saturday afternoons! That's when they can get drunk and fool around!
Skip: So the fact that the movie is just bald-faced BAD, that it certainly feels like a mercenary piece of product that just sits there on the shelf, completely bereft of life and as worthlessly uninspired as a fast-track sequel could ever be... None of that matters at all?
Chazz: I don't even know who you are anymore. Let me go answer my other line. I'm talking to a guy about his script. It's a remake of Daddy Day Care, only with one dad...
Skip: That's Mr. Mom.
Chazz: I mean three dads...
Skip: That's Three Men and a Baby.
---1 month later---
Skip: Hey...Part 2 opened to 8 million! The first one opened with over 14! What do we do now?
Chazz: Dude. Part 3. Direct-to-video. We'll need a new kid though.Although the above exchange is merely a product of one writer's fancy, one suspects that very little of it strays too far from reality. There's nothing in the world wrong with a silly kid's flick or two, but there's no way your own children deserve something as lifeless and hollow as 'Agent Cody Banks 2'. Unless they're misbehaving really bad, I guess.
link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=8823&reviewer=128
originally posted: 03/23/04 21:10:46