"This crack-whore hooker moves in with fifteen singing children."
OK, just kidding--This is a review for The Sound of Music, voted by everyone over 70 as the greatest movie ever filmed and is it time for my blue pills yet? Julie Andrews is ultra-perky and sweet, especially in the scenes where she's forced at gunpoint to provide oral sex to the chaueffer and the cook.OK, kidding again. She's this governess who goes to stay with the Von Trapp family. At first the little tykes reject her, stating things like "Lesbians say what?" and "You're that lady from the Triscuit commericals!" They slowly begin to like her because she frolics and sings and is pretty damn cool to be around, especially in comparison to their nazi dad who's more stern than that psycho nun in The Blues Brothers.
Anyway, Dad wisely disappears for the middle two hours of this epic, which leaves the slave children and this margarine saleswoman to display such skills as singing while walking, singing while running, and especially singing while singing. All the classics songs you remember are on display: My Favorite Things, Do Re Mi, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Angina?, and Rub My Swollen Parts. Truly magnificent.
The movie ends up with some pretty shoddy plot contrivances that require this obnoxious (and singing) clan to make a daring escape from the Nazis...while singing, of course. Let's put it this way: If you're making cookies and run out of sugar, run this videotape on the wet sticky batter. The Sound of Music is so sappy you should brush your teeth continuously as you watch it. Then immediately consult an oral surgeon.All venom aside, this is simply the innocent classic that your parents let you stay up late on a school night to watch, hoping you'd learn something from its sweet message, instead you can't wake up for school the next morning and you decide to swear you're going to throw up and Mom says you BETTER get the HELL out of bed or you can't stay up late next week to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Ah youth.