Greetings. I'm a fatass sumo wrestler, and I'm a camera man by night.I feel bad, people. Really bad. My brother rented "STREET FIGHTER". And boy oh boy, it was funny, albeit for all the wrong reasons.
Ho boy, this movie sucked.
I mean Chun Li... God, after watching her, I was wondering why Dan Rather doesn't kick people's ass more often. That character was soooooo awful. Hell, in the video game, she's shit. What's her move again? She kicks a lot. Whoop de doo.
And where was Ken and Ryu? They were like, B characters. They're the fucking star of the game! And how come they didn't do that, "HA DOO KEN" shit they do in the game? These guys sucked too! All together, they amount to shit.
And why does Sagat get to have guns and shit? Where's the fun in that? Street Fighter the game is all about fire-y projectiles and girls kicking fast and bloated fatasses punching fast. I mean, Sagat... isn't he supposed to be like, BIG and STRONG and shit? HE WASN'T LIKE THAT IN THE MOVIE! HE WAS A FUCKING TWIG.
And Jesus Christ, that Bison VS. Guile scene? You've got Jean Claude Van FUCKING Damme, the epitome of fitness, what with bulging muscles, no fat, he can fucking do the splits, for fucks sakes. And here's Guile, kicking the shit out of Raul Julia. A gaunt little man clad only in gym mats. I wasn't going, "WOO HOO! LOOK AT THE BAD GUY DIE!". Hell no. The fight was like pitting a rottweiler against a poodle. Only the rottweiler has a fucking BAZOOKA strapped to his back.
And why does Van Damme, who plays the All American Guile have a French accent? The casting director should be shot and fed to the prairie chickens.
I feel sorry for Raul Julia. What a shitty movie to close your career in.Streetfighter: THE EQUATION
Bad Actors + Non-existent Plot, oh fuck it. It equals PURE SHITE