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Overall Rating
2.19

Awesome: 7.96%
Worth A Look: 15.93%
Average: 10.91%
Pretty Bad: 17.99%
Total Crap47.2%

16 reviews, 243 user ratings


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Van Helsing
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Scott Weinberg

"or, How to Whore your Immortal Classics for a Big Opening Weekend"
1 stars

Despite that fact that it's one of the loudest, driest and most willingly insipid Popcorn Movies in a few years, I was tempted to give "Van Helsing" a 2-star rating because of the production design. And then I remembered how enthusiastically "Van Helsing" urinates all over the beloved Universal monsters of yesteryear. So screw the production design; a few amazing-looking castles aren't enough to make up for the overwhelming affront that is "Van Helsing".

The worst thing that ever could have happened: We made The Mummy a huge hit all over the world. This one simple act led to the following beliefs:

1. That Stephen Sommers is a good filmmaker.

2. That summertime movie audiences will shell out nine bucks for basically anything that has a lot of CGI moneyshots in the trailer.

3. That a movie studio will happily and completely bastardize its own immortal movie monsters if the box office tallies are massive enough.

As if we didn't learn our lesson when Universal allowed the swill to churn unmolested (that'd be The Mummy Returns and The Scorpion King), now here comes the main event. The two Mummy flicks were just warm-ups, ponderous eyestrains used to test the waters for something as wrongheaded and lifeless as Van Helsing.

It's a movie that hopes to get you into the theater with promises of "Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolf Man!!!" But once you sit down and watch the thing, you realize that Sommers has as much respect for the classic monsters as Michael Moore has for President Bush. It's like being invited to a barbecue that turns out to be a two-hour vegan presentation on the evils of red meat.

In a recent interview with MSNBC, writer/director Sommers offered the following admission: "I'm a PG-13 guy. I don't like scary movies." Folks, that is absolutely all you need to know about Van Helsing. Having Stephen Sommers direct a movie about vampires and werewolves and undead behemoths is akin to having Donald Trump direct a movie about how tough it is to be a welfare mom.

Van Helsing is a bad film, by any definition. Churned hot off the assembly line, it's an ugly and disposable piece of ultra-expensive formula product that exists solely to kick-start a new revenue stream.This is a project that's already spawned an animated DVD prequel, a reported sequel, a few video games, a theme park attraction, and an upcoming mini-series entitled Transylvania... products forged months before Van Helsing was even released. That's synergy, folks, while you and I are simply grease for the machine. You'll even find Stephen Sommers being interviewed on each of the conveniently-just-released DVD compilations of the classic Universal horror films. That makes sense: a filmmaker who freely admits to disliking scary movies...being interviewed on the new Dracula resissue, all in the name of merchandising tie-ins and flimsy cross-promotion. Classy moves all around.

Obviously it's a foregone conclusion that something as flashy and loud as Van Helsing is bound to be a huge hit, which only lends credence to my sssertation that practically nobody involved with this movie even bothered to try.

OK, that might be being a bit unfair to the hundreds of set designers, makeup artists and CGI technicians who clearly did what was asked of them. But a worthwhile cake always has something beneath the icing, and the annoyingly sad fact of the matter is this: Van Helsing is all icing; too sticky, too sweet and way too insubstantial to warrant any real recommendation.

The plot of the movie is as nonsensical as it is inconsequential; it's just a twig of a coat rack that cannot possibly support this amount of expensive apparel. One-note monster-hunter Van Helsing is dispatched to Transylvania to rid the area of the vampires and werewolves and Frankensteins. Oh my. Since it would cost way too much to produce one 2-hour action sequence, we are therefore forced to withstand an unending collection of pointless plot expositions, characters' exchanges, and poorly conceived sections of dialogue that hastily try to explain either what just happened in the last scene ("Apparently vampires CAN fly in daylight!") or what's about to happen in the next one ("Ummm, OK. The ONLY way to kill Dracula is by biting him with a werewolf!!"). Too many scenes consist of people swinging on ropes; Van Helsing's arsenal of silly weapons feels like nothing more than something to be soon "sold separately".

It's all very exhausting, and not in a good way. Feeling like the world's most expensive clothesline, Van Helsing exists exclusively as support for its bloated action sequences, none of which even come close to offering a bona-fide 'thrill'. From the rather ridiculous prologue (in which our hero kills a member of the LXG) to the low-rent James Bond-in-the-19th-century stupidity of Van Helsing's secret hideout to the dingy and sadly repetitive monster attacks in Transylvania...Van Helsing feels like a big, lumbering Frankenstein of Commerce. It's patched together rather poorly, it's frequently unpleasant to look at, and the words that come out of its mouth are sadly very stupid. You'd pity Van Helsing for being so bad if its badness actually mattered.

To say that Sommers takes disrespectful license with these immortal characters would be a stunning understatement. He has no idea what makes a vampire scary or why Frankenstein's monster is a tragic figure. All he knows is that they're gross and popular, so let's just ramp up that CGI machine! Clearly Mr. Sommers has the keys to the Universal kingdom these days, but does that mean the execs have to let him pen his own screenplays? Clearly this is a director who has a lot of talent as far as a movie's visual scope is concerned; hire him screenwriter who has some love for the genre and I suspect that a Van Helsing could have been an absolute joy to behold. As it stands, it's nothing more than a monster-centric video game with no heart, no soul, no passion. Van Helsing is cinematic scrapple (look it up), only not as tasty.

"Oh, but the 12-year-old boys out there will LOVE it!" Yes, that's true, and it's also the mantra that Universal is chanting all the way to the bank. But come back to those same 12-year-olds when they're just a little bit older and I bet they wonder how they could have enjoyed a film that's only marginally less atrocious than, say, "Battlefield Earth". Yeah, it's THAT bad.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=9518&reviewer=128
originally posted: 05/07/04 15:58:05
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User Comments

4/16/14 Adahbauj USA 4 stars
4/12/14 hvovlemtd USA 5 stars
4/11/14 izgoknbluw USA 5 stars
4/10/14 sgxuqc USA 5 stars
4/10/14 Vlxxejof USA 5 stars
4/10/14 xfrnpdqu USA 4 stars
4/09/14 Tikmoiam USA 4 stars
3/24/14 Nbhioouf USA 4 stars
3/24/14 Ufqfjbfk USA 3 stars
3/23/14 Dgtlxirp USA 2 stars
3/22/14 Fliubuyo USA 3 stars
3/22/14 Rjjixujg USA 3 stars
2/09/14 Uhjmxlsa USA 4 stars
2/07/14 Qzxjxppk USA 3 stars
5/07/09 true poo-poo alert. Stinks bad. Good actors in a horrible movie. 1 stars
1/19/09 Fruitcake angel Classic monsters and fairytale Transylvania win. Gorgeously dressed vampettes were fun. 4 stars
12/15/08 john doe its an ok film to watch 4 stars
10/07/08 Shaun Wallner Great Action!! 5 stars
5/31/08 Raven Didnt even finish the film as it was so horrible. 1 stars
5/09/08 Karrie Millheim I love vamp movies so I am rating this a four, it could have been better though 4 stars
10/29/07 Mick If you enjoyed this then you must be under 10 or BRAIN DEAD! 1 stars
10/12/07 Charles Not even Beckinsale could save this one. Very disappointing. 2 stars
7/29/07 Jeremy I liked it alot, these kind of movies arent my style but this one hit home 5 stars
4/21/07 Stevo UK This was actually a very bad vampire movi, that non - retards hated. 1 stars
2/23/07 Weblynx was a good vampire movie, actually liked it 4 stars
2/18/07 Nick Maday I really enjoyed this the first time through, but not so much in the times following. 3 stars
2/17/07 G Sherfy Sommers should be boiled in oil; horrible campy crap (worse than The Mummy 2 which I hated) 1 stars
2/15/07 I Gluck Could have been better but I still enjoyed it 3 stars
2/11/07 Fred Holmes Better than expected 4 stars
2/08/07 Raph Branca I recently saw this for the first time and thought it was a lot of fun. 4 stars
2/06/07 Shobert Might have been a blast had it been made by someone with an ounce of talent. 1 stars
2/04/07 David Cohen Van Helsing as a gothic horros Bond, sigh, it could have really been something 2 stars
2/03/07 Vip Ebriega Great horror stuff. 4 stars
1/13/07 ben worse than expected. watching this in the theatres would've been torture. 1 stars
11/20/06 michael classic horror flix 5 stars
11/18/06 annie Enjoyed the film. Would I watch it again? No. 3 stars
11/11/06 Jamethon hated this movie - a whole lot of dung 1 stars
11/10/06 Yusuf V loved this movie - a whole lot of fun 5 stars
11/08/06 Teresa Urutia Having to choose between this and Sorority Girls on the same night, Sorority Girls won 1 stars
10/09/06 Mark Paris Fantastic....non stop action all the way through 5 stars
8/23/06 David Cohen Sigh, it could have been so much more 2 stars
8/21/06 Jarkko Perälä Over two hours of bad acting and plot holes 1 stars
8/09/06 Dragon The Artist Ownable, but yet another action/horror film thats just above popcorn flick status. 4 stars
5/12/06 Fruit-Loop It sucks. So boring had to Exit house 1 stars
4/17/06 Jetrho Peter Cushing is the only real Van Helsing,this one' a fartknocker! 1 stars
4/12/06 ES No (laughs uncontrollably) it's a good mov- (laughs again harder). I can't even get it out! 1 stars
4/01/06 Tanya I enjoyed the special effects but that was it 2 stars
3/09/06 Dk Enjoyable and it looks great 4 stars
2/27/06 Anthony Feor Possibly the worst movie in the world 1 stars
1/23/06 Soha Molina crapy movie 1 stars
1/20/06 Richard Jones I thought this movie isnt worth to see at the box office 1 stars
1/20/06 Mike Pulido Kind of sucky but I usually stop and watch whenever i'm flipping through the channels 2 stars
1/18/06 MrsVoorheesBabyBoy Even Worse than Brothers' Grimm 1 stars
1/17/06 ella can we say Van Sucking? 1 stars
12/10/05 Jim A load of claptrap. Liked the hat, though. 2 stars
10/31/05 Shandra i liked the film i thought it was interesting 5 stars
10/24/05 Suk-R-Punch Dreaming about a Beckinsale Bukkake is the only thing that got me through this crap-fest!!! 1 stars
10/22/05 paddy I liked Beckinsale's outfit...That's about it. 1 stars
10/17/05 Crapture Doesn't everyone just love a good "tragity"...that says it all, doesn't it? 1 stars
10/13/05 Bryant Gumby FANTASTIC!!!! The audience I saw it with erupted in laughter and never stopped!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/24/05 Will Tingle As bad as I expected... 2 stars
9/21/05 Jonathon Holmes worst movie of the summer 1 stars
9/02/05 Mailk Stupid piece of garbage. 1 stars
9/02/05 Edward Seriously one of the worst movies I have ever seen...well...not really, but...CRAP!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/01/05 unlimited UNDERWORLD was just boring and lame...this, on the other hand, is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/31/05 Vasquez i'd be willing to pay someone to kill stephen sommers at this point...and pay big. 1 stars
8/30/05 Brisbane Did someone just take a giant poop on celluloid and call it VAN HELSING????????? 1 stars
8/29/05 Blissful Johnny Wow...and I thought UNDERWORLD was bad! I thought LXG was bad! This trumps them!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/29/05 Jabberjaw The b&w opening was cool...and then the rest happened. Ending's good for a laugh, though. 1 stars
8/28/05 hicks VAN HELSING 2 is coming soon! Oh shit!!!! Pigs flying!!!!! Hell freezing!!!!!! Repent!! 1 stars
8/28/05 Joker I love this movie!!! For you see, I am a retard!!! 1 stars
8/19/05 ES Note the glass breaks before the werewolf hits it and shatters in the wrong direction 1 stars
8/07/05 George Roger Ebert recommends this over Die Hard? That man should be put in a mental hospital!!! 1 stars
8/03/05 ZIM A big, dumb yet slightly fun piece of crap 3 stars
7/28/05 Daveman Loud, obnoxious and physically painful to watch 1 stars
7/25/05 Moverlover Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! 1 stars
7/19/05 Brandy Harrington Rancid shit. Fucking borefest. 1 stars
6/29/05 Jiz I fell asleep half-way through. At 3PM. 1 stars
6/26/05 mickanme worth a sunday arvo, cup of tea watch 4 stars
6/25/05 Mr Fluffy About as usefull as a hair lip 1 stars
6/14/05 Anthony G Weak ass shit. 1 stars
6/11/05 Manu Ginobli I was surprised at how boring this movie was. 1 stars
6/09/05 Taylor Fladgate I like how her accent diminishes as the movie goes on. 2 stars
6/02/05 Chris So this is what you get when Vampires mate 2 stars
5/25/05 Jake COMPLETE CRAP! IF YOU LIKE THIS MOVIE, YOUR EITHER RETARDED OR A WHIMP! 1 stars
4/30/05 reptilesni It's a kids movie. Don't expect more or you'll be disappointed. 3 stars
4/21/05 Colleen Goldrick great special effects 5 stars
4/19/05 Bonnie James I disagree with the main review. You go to the movies for entertainment. Helsing does the j 4 stars
4/16/05 Carol Conway Forgettable 2 stars
4/11/05 Landshark CGI Gone Wild -- after this debacle, even the CGI characters had low self esteem. 1 stars
3/13/05 Tamara Burks While it is a cheesy movie , I like cheese . So I enjoyed this one. 3 stars
3/12/05 Edler It is not that bad. It is hokey and corny. But ok in many respects. 3 stars
3/05/05 Gloria Anderson loved this one 5 stars
3/02/05 David Tsung great special effects but kate sucked 3 stars
3/02/05 Maggie Dressler Absolutely awesome 5 stars
2/28/05 Diane Stedner I liked it. 4 stars
2/26/05 Denise i love vamp movies 3 stars
2/26/05 James Kiang My high expectations were dashed by the obvious cgi and terrible accents. 2 stars
2/21/05 david basile a little to comic like 2 stars
2/17/05 kathleen4691 Frankenstein vs. wear-wolf marginally better than Godzilla vs. Mothra. 2 stars
2/14/05 Angela Saunders Great special effects, lacks plot. Disappointing after all the hype. 2 stars
2/11/05 bob thedwarf shite 1 stars
2/09/05 nannette ryan The movie was average I've seen much worse but I've also seen better 3 stars
2/07/05 Kenneth Helmick Just a fun movie 3 stars
2/05/05 bongeezer There are worse movies out there.... Honest 3 stars
2/05/05 tatum I can name a hundred movies worse than this one..."Ax 'Em"..."Shrek"... 4 stars
2/04/05 Tanya Grays I was not pleased with this movie, even the special effects can't save this one 2 stars
2/04/05 ss Not a bad movie. worth a look 4 stars
2/03/05 Kent B. I liked it. Thought it was different from the same old monster movies. 4 stars
2/02/05 BobbysRedQueen This Movie Stunk ! What happened to real horror films ? 1 stars
2/02/05 Philip Taylor it sucked 1 stars
2/02/05 Joe Kolarz I thought it was great, i hope there si a second one. 4 stars
2/02/05 Alice Colwell I don't think it was that bad 4 stars
2/01/05 Edward Condon I've seen worse, but not by much. 2 stars
2/01/05 Danita Berg Call me crazy - but I loved this movie - simply for it's campiness! 4 stars
2/01/05 craig varney dissappointing video game action not great vampire movie 3 stars
1/27/05 JesseL Great vampire movie. A little thin in spots but scenic. 4 stars
1/15/05 Hawkeye Pierce unaceptable, being a fan of the classics, the worst re-make ever and respectless. 1 stars
12/29/04 Steve Newman 30mins to long but loved special effects 3 stars
12/27/04 The Mockingbird I will never get the 2 minutes of my life back that I spent running away from this movie 1 stars
12/25/04 Freddy good effects and some hot chicks! 4 stars
12/20/04 jonnyboy omg wig something we agree on 1 stars
12/10/04 Jason Kaul This would have been good if the chick got naked. But she didn't, so it was mediocre. 3 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams shit shit shit! 1 stars
12/08/04 jonny boy same as gabby, kate beckinsale is a muppet indeed 2 stars
11/15/04 Gabby Kate Beckinsale cannot act to save her life. This film is just one big computer game. 2 stars
11/11/04 keithers.. yes it sucks...yes it's corney but that's the point..it's all in good fun 4 stars
11/06/04 TCIC The visuals keep this move alive, the plot is corny but the concepts are good 4 stars
11/03/04 JL Kinda cheesy, but Richard Roxburgh is the sexiest Dracula I've ever seen! 3 stars
10/30/04 Howard Lipsit Forget the "Plot" - A Visual Feast! 5 stars
10/28/04 Sean Dalton It makes you groan in embarassment at its ridiculousness again and again. 1 stars
10/26/04 lotrEEproper owns this shi& i agree but still better than hp and avp put together 1 stars
10/23/04 Hilary Adamson Makes Kate Dreckinsale almost seem likeable. 4 stars
10/22/04 Daniel nothing but cgi- poor plot,characters,dialogue-just a big computer animated piece of shit 1 stars
10/17/04 Pollo Excellent special effects. Where's the plot??? Where are the actors???Kill the screenwriter 2 stars
10/15/04 eugene this mvie is a load of fucked crtap is licks utter balls i am a eugene 1 stars
9/28/04 Butter G *speachless* on how terrible this was. it just blew me away by the stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/21/04 Benjamin Spicher Watch Hellboy instead! 1 stars
9/19/04 ozcan ass 4 stars
9/18/04 byron the movie was great itwas the best the harpies (Marishka,verna&Aleera) 5 stars
9/08/04 trent A big pile of sh*t. 1 stars
8/31/04 Rwillough I liked this movie. It wan't meant to be serious, but it was alot of fun to watch. 4 stars
8/21/04 Tyrantis I love Monster Movies, so I loved it. But it still sucked pretty bad. 2 stars
8/14/04 Uncle Phucker The worse big movie of the decaded. Not one good scene. 1 stars
8/09/04 The Lurchprong Splitter Forget Catwoman! This has batwomen! 3 stars
8/03/04 Nykki It was a cool movie to watch, I'm picky and this movie really got on my list ofthingsto buy 5 stars
8/02/04 Raf Milis Except that kate looks like she can come around every night,this movie is so shitty..man... 1 stars
7/30/04 Shams Huque Man this was terrible. 2 stars
7/30/04 Eloise daft megamix of horror legends, yey, can i have some more please!! 5 stars
7/19/04 Sylvia TOP GENIAL !!!! 5 stars
7/17/04 Jeff Hu so boring, just can't wait to see it finishes 1 stars
7/13/04 AV! I loved it! Hugh was really good and so was Kate. Plus I love action! 5 stars
6/30/04 Saigo Whoo-hoo! Action! Never mind it totally sucks! It's got action! Yey! 1 stars
6/26/04 M ZZZZzzzzzzzzz.......... 1 stars
6/17/04 WREN Richard Roxburgh is the sexy and looks very lickable 5 stars
6/15/04 earl duron great fun 4 stars
6/12/04 Sarrah kate beckinsale ROCKS. this movie was amzing. best this year. it ROCKED!! 5 stars
6/09/04 Cameron Slick Lacks excitement but great for a nine-year old boy. 3 stars
6/06/04 SF Great film. 5 stars
6/05/04 Alexis Weston It was great, best horror film of the year. 5 stars
6/03/04 Elizabeth Great opening sequence, but quickly becomes redundant. LOUDEST film I've seen in ages. 2 stars
6/02/04 Coolhand Had potential, but don't skimp on a good writer for Pete's sake!!! 3 stars
6/02/04 Martha Well, about 20 flicks in one; all of the old ones done better 1 stars
6/02/04 Obi Wan I hope NBC never makes another Big Budget Big Screen flick again!!! 1 stars
5/29/04 deena I love sci fi, horror, old movies, even b movies, THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! 1 stars
5/29/04 Art Richardson I thought it was a good movie 4 stars
5/29/04 matt some parts were ok but it felt too long 3 stars
5/28/04 Ash Jordan Amazing, worth seeing more than once, though only to see Dracula! 5 stars
5/28/04 amy buffy the vampire slayer meets touched by an angel 2 stars
5/28/04 Biily Just plain awlful. 1 stars
5/28/04 Van_Yorking Oh geez, words can't describe how awful this movie is. PASS! 1 stars
5/27/04 steven wortham Best monster movie ever because it has all of them in it, 5 stars
5/26/04 Eponine See it for David Wenham's character, Carl. I thought he was hilarious. 4 stars
5/26/04 Nicole While it was totally Hollywood and many scenes were lame and trite and cheesy, I liked it! 4 stars
5/23/04 S F hey i thoroughlyenjoyed it 4 stars
5/23/04 Jack Bourbon Much like a drinking contest where the loser pukes first: only the most bored should do it 2 stars
5/23/04 malcolm pure summer popcorn fun 4 stars
5/22/04 Alan Liddle Not fantastic, but entertaining. 3 stars
5/22/04 alien assassin Rent "Bride of Frankenstein" instead !!! 2 stars
5/22/04 M not much to say........ 2 stars
5/22/04 Not Public mediocre cgi, zero plot/character dev, but you're beaten by action seq without end 2 stars
5/21/04 Katrina I thought the movie was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! Bring on the sequal! 5 stars
5/21/04 shadowdancer Love Hugh, hate the movie 2 stars
5/21/04 Vinnie I paid $7.50 for this steaming pile of shit? Maybe 4 bucks, but not $7.50!!! 1 stars
5/20/04 linus Exactly what I expected from watching the previews 1 stars
5/19/04 Stephen Spielborg Hey, it's better than anything I've ever done... 1 stars
5/19/04 Idiot's Mouth Good points but oh! Dick! This is old news! So it sucked! What else is new?!? 1 stars
5/18/04 David Birke jjjjjjjj 1 stars
5/18/04 Bingo Rex hunt fishing adventures is more entertaining then this 1 stars
5/18/04 Julie I hate to say it bc I liek H.Jackmanm but what a waste of $100 million. 1 stars
5/18/04 Anne Exactlay what I was expecting from it. 2 stars
5/18/04 AfroFett oooooh lots of CGI! story? what story? 1 stars
5/17/04 othree cheezy greatness, that works, see it if your in the mood for fun, cool spin 2 4 stars
5/17/04 Troy Butler Not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. LYBATD, and you should have an enjoyable time!!! 3 stars
5/17/04 Maximus I tell you what, you give me $15, and I'll scream in your face for 2 hrs. Enjoy this crap. 1 stars
5/17/04 j This has to be the worst movie i have ever seen. 1 stars
5/15/04 Luis Turd 1 stars
5/15/04 Uncle Phucker This has to be one of the worst big budget films ever. Worse than the Mummy Returns. 1 stars
5/14/04 Stephen Petit stop with the edible garbage 1 stars
5/13/04 Owen S A fun comic book ride for the summer 4 stars
5/13/04 Bethanie Cope I like the movie but hated the End 4 stars
5/13/04 Peter A great ride, and amazing affects. Plot is shallow, but all else was entertaining 4 stars
5/13/04 Mike V First half is pretty good but falls apart after that 3 stars
5/12/04 Whatevr The original authors must be rolling around in their graves 1 stars
5/12/04 Mike Appalling, will appeal to 13yr old boys. 1 stars
5/12/04 Jenny Saypaw Fantastic sets, great CGI, cool vampire offspring concept 4 stars
5/12/04 Sam from Quebec This movie sucked, what a waste of my time. 1 stars
5/12/04 Ajax Horrible movie. So much money and they can't have ONE decent action scene. 1 stars
5/11/04 Ripoff Maybe if a stake was driven through Stephen Sommers' heart, he'd stop making shit movies? 1 stars
5/11/04 Beefcake007 So ridiculous I started laughing till I had tears in my eyes. 1 stars
5/11/04 paganchyk Even the soundtrack was overdone! Hysterical, but not intentionally.... 2 stars
5/11/04 Heath It's an action movie full of non-stop action. What more do you want? 4 stars
5/10/04 A F Better than expected yet still average. 3 stars
5/10/04 Vicious I wanted more werewolf, otherwise it's pretty much eye candy 3 stars
5/10/04 Jorge Fragette Don't anyone go see this turd. Keep your money and your dignity! NO SEQUEL FOR YOU! 1 stars
5/10/04 Giant_Cockroach Stunningly bad. To rope swingey. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE! 1 stars
5/10/04 Paul Melendy Depressingly bad. Zero suspence. 1 stars
5/09/04 PAYNE I hope that the possible sequeal will be at least better than this 4 stars
5/09/04 Tom It's not the Universal monsters I grew up with but it is still fun. 4 stars
5/09/04 Nicholas Walsh This was one of the most retarded movies I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. 1 stars
5/09/04 David Fowler Horror as Porn. Sommers ROUNDLY buggers, rogers, & violates Universal's classic trinity. 1 stars
5/09/04 Gray should have had only one monstr per a movie 3 stars
5/09/04 Shann hope it does well enough to get a sequel but bad enough that they'll fix the mistakes 4 stars
5/09/04 Caravaggio Worst Dracula ever! Roxburg had scariness and sexual allure of a turd. 1 stars
5/09/04 Roy Again retarted? Anyway... nice fx and that's about it. 2 stars
5/08/04 Jeff MacIver This flick is insanely over-the-top, and bloody good fun. Don't listen to the naysayers. 4 stars
5/08/04 Wolf WAY too much reliance on CGI. Needs better direction and more retakes. 2 stars
5/08/04 AfroFett Hey Look! CGI monsters! Pay no attention to the crappy story behind the curtain! 2 stars
5/08/04 M CGI overload!!! 1 stars
5/08/04 NO SEQUEL 4 U I'll pay for something worthwhile then I'll watch this for on Universal, not on my $9!! 1 stars
5/08/04 Margalo God let this bomb so we dont get a sequel 1 stars
5/07/04 Bill Egan The cinematic equivalent of a sugar overload, but without the sweetness & twice the nausea. 1 stars
5/07/04 La Terra as a movie-lover, I dislike the CG-Film but i love this one 5 stars
5/07/04 Yosh No tension, boring as hell, only nice CG 2 stars
5/07/04 BrianWilly Very fun movie, some of the best CGI ever. But ultimately no depth. 4 stars
5/07/04 Brian if they had spent a fraction on decent graphics that they did on marketing... 1 stars
5/06/04 Mikedy Mike Fun movie, an homage to old cheesey monster flicks. 4 stars
5/06/04 Mark Fulwiler Absolutely godawful torture 1 stars
5/06/04 TXN All FX, Little plot, embarassing dialogue 2 stars
5/06/04 john bale No plot no suspense only Jackman killing SFX. Roll over Bram Stoker ! 2 stars
5/06/04 Margalow Saw a screening in NY last week. Dear God, the agony... 1 stars
5/05/04 MrMean Average 3 stars
5/05/04 Harry This movie sucks nuts! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  07-May-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 19-Oct-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  05-May-2004




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