Hero and the TerrorReviewed By Scott Weinberg
Posted 05/01/04 22:13:45
What we have here is the world's silliest (and most poorly acted) domestic drama... with Chuck Norris in the lead role. Ignore the DVD case and other reviews for this wholly disposable Norris vehicle, because there’s no WAY that "Hero and the Terror" qualifies as an action flick!There’s maybe three fistfights in the whole damn movie! Imagine Chuck Norris playing Cliff Huxtable or (even worse) the Paul Reiser character from "Mad About You", while footage of some generic Halloween knock-off is edited into the proceedings on an intermittent basis, and you’re halfway to understanding the raw, unflinching stupidity that is Hero and the Terror.
Norris plays a tough, soft-spoken cop (what a stretch) named Danny O’Brien. Danny was a media darling five years ago when he captured a serial killer known as "The Terror". But the glum and uninteresting cop knows all too well that his accolades came thanks to a rickety ladder, and not due to any of his own heroism. Luckily, The Terror manages to break out of his mental institution (in truly ridiculous fashion) and then somehow travel from Camden to Los Angeles to once again set up shop in O'Brien's backyard.
The murderer camps out in a regal old movie theater, and he pops out of a grate in the wall to kill a few women attending an unfortunately scheduled re-opening. Meanwhile, in plot B, nothing happens. Scene after scene of O'Brien and his pregnant girlfriend Kay lurch into view: Chuck Norris avoids the M word; Chuck Norris enjoys long, romantic, candlelit dinners while the plot goes generally ignored; and (most hilariously) Chuck Norris passes out slapstick-style as his sweating sweetheart breaks water in a hospital lobby. Try not to cringe as a baby’s birth is intercut with footage of a policeman being slaughtered. Never before has one bad film seemed so much like two bad films.
The back-and-forth between O'Brien's generic domestic life and the stunningly familiar serial killer business grinds the movie to a dead stop every 8 minutes, and there’s not one single scene in Hero and the Terror that hasn’t been seen before in earlier, infinitely better films. D-grade thrillers don’t need to be Oscar contenders, but you’d have to search far and wide to find a more bland and facless flick than this one.
One of the many amateurish misfires from the infamous Cannon Group, Hero and the Terror isn’t anybody’s idea of a good time. Chuck Norris fans will howl at the sitcom feel of the TV-movie portion (easily 60% of the film’s running time), while action aficionados will be bored to tears.If you're actually looking for a movie about two unmarried lovers contending with their first child together, there are plenty out there... just make sure it doesn’t star Chuck Norris.
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