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Midnight Mass
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by Scott Weinberg

"Cheap gothy vampires doing vague and uninteresting stuff."
1 stars

An indecipherable and nearly unwatchable modern-day goth vampire flick, "Midnight Mass" starts out on a suitably grim note - and then turns into 85 minutes worth of Cinematic Sominex.

The opening credits feature a series of "end of the world" messages from newscasters, informing us that a new plague is sweeping across the planet. Once these segments draw to a close we learn that the "plague" is not much more than a global vampire infestation. Darn, that plague would have been much more entertaining.

We open on a seaside setting, one in which a lonely young woman is accosted by some of vampires' 'familiars' - a quartet of silly-looking gothy types who spend their days looking for vampire fodder. Our heroine escapes when a cuter gal drops by, spills her groceries and earns the villainous goofballs' attention. From then on out, we're subjected to endless scenes of vampire-related chit-chat, insipid amounts of lathargic backstory and exposition, and some of the most unintentionally amusing acting performances seen in many a moon. When the gory bits show up, they're dark and suitably goopy; one can only wish that they showed up more often than every 20-some minutes.

The stock coven of devious bloodsuckers are here, and of course they have some sort of evil plan for wiping out the reamining humans, an activity that would inevitably lead to the starvation of their entire race - but who needs logic in a vampire flick this tiresome? Bizarrely co-written by best-selling horror scribe F. Paul Wilson (author of The Tomb, The Keep and several others) and clearly cribbed from Richard Matheson's classic "I am Legend", Midnight Mass offers very little returns for the ravenous horror freaks out there.

You'd be better off spinning "Near Dark" or "The Lost Boys" one more time than you would bringing this one home.

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originally posted: 05/02/04 17:35:24
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10/13/04 mary halliburton terrible 1 stars
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  08-Jul-2003 (R)



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