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Overall Rating
1.5

Awesome: 3.85%
Worth A Look: 3.85%
Average: 7.69%
Pretty Bad: 7.69%
Total Crap76.92%

1 review, 20 user ratings


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Out for a Kill
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by Scott Weinberg

"While a completely unsuspecting world moves on, Steven Seagal has a career."
1 stars

Which specfic lieutenant of Satan is Steven Seagal eternally beholden to? In a logical universe, he'd be delivering pizzas.

To: Steven Seagal, Action Movie Star

From: The Soon-to-be-Fired Folks at Columbia Tri-Star Home Video


Dear Mr. Seagal,

We're writing to inform you that your two most recent films for us, The Foreigner and Out for a Kill, are being released directly to video. Were we able to release them directly to landfill, that would have been our choice. Damn environmentalists.

We, like you, were stunned when your film for Warner Bros., Exit Wounds, somehow made a profit at the North American box office. It was for this reason that we signed you to a three-picture deal, despite that fact that you're just about the most unappealing "movie star" ever to mystifyingly earn the label of "movie star".

We had high hopes for our Half Past Dead, certain that pairing you with yet another untalented "rapster star" would prove to be a financial windfall for all involved. Alas, this was not the case, and we looked forward to your next two efforts in the hopes of recouping the budget we afforded you for girdles and neck wax.

Sadly, this proved to be our collective downfall, as The Foreigner was as incomprehensible as it was insipid...and the next one was, despite all known logic dictating that this was impossible, even worse than The Foreigner.

We're slapping the title "Out for a Kill" onto the box, mainly because you once starred in movies called "Out for Justice" and "Hard to Kill"...both of which made money...for Warner Bros. We're calling it this because we think that people who love your movies (i.e. clueless people) will mistake it for A) either of those earlier movies or B) a sequel to one of (or both) of those earlier movies. We considered calling it "Steven Seagal: Earth's Ultimate Scourge" but we didn't want movie ending up in the science fiction section.

It is our assumption that you saw this termination coming, as we simply cannot fathom why you would choose to play a UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR in anything other than a Zucker Brothers parody. That you somehow manage to incorporate a plot involving evil Mexican cocaine freaks and assume a Gary Cooper-ish role of "noble man wrongly accused" simply reeks of someone who can believe he can actually pull of the art of "acting".

Even what should be the focal point of a "Steven Seagal movie" (i.e. the punching of throats) is delivered in a style so shoddy and amateurish that it makes one bother why we even hired you. Your every action scene is delivered by a pudgy stuntman while you wait around for the insert shots, hiding your gerth from the camera in some raggy kimono or bathrobe. Hell, you even gave yourself a screenwriter credit (along with two other guys!), yet we can plainly tell that the movie was made up as you went along.

Thank you for your time and meager efforts, Mr. Seagal. We've forwarded your agent's calls over to Paramount and Fox. Perhaps you can act as a black-hole to their pocketbooks for a few years. We sure would appreciate it.

link directly to this review at http://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=9563&reviewer=128
originally posted: 05/02/04 17:54:07
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

1/10/16 Paulo M This is the worst movie I've ever seen. All of the 'acting' is bad. On a positive note, Sea 1 stars
7/25/13 MikeT Worth the DVD with 4 of these for $5.00 but not much more. 2 stars
8/16/11 chris Firing the editor and Segal's dubber would help. 3 stars
12/12/10 Jann Menkin wtf!? movie fail!!! just seen 15 minutes of this crap, im shutting it off! 1 stars
8/24/09 spyrite Early Seagal was excellent, this is very poor , sad to see.Get a grip and sort it out 1 stars
12/22/08 Sharon Molloy I want my $1.50 back. 1 stars
1/17/08 J Martin So incoherent that it may actually be avant-garde - impossible to score 5 stars
11/09/07 JT I love Seagal movies. But this is an absolute piece of trash. 1 stars
8/03/07 OutforaCookie Fatso needs to lose about 500lbs and learn to act 1 stars
7/09/07 Adrian Seagals a pathetic megalomaniac. a big waste of film 1 stars
6/25/07 casey ryback i'm ready to die now my life is fulfilled 1 stars
4/23/07 Michael madsen It's okay 3 stars
10/06/06 MickT Is this the one where he plays an ex-cia agent? 1 stars
9/18/06 Ramon incredibly dreadful 1 stars
5/28/06 P toya Below worst Chuck Norris Movie before Walker series. 1 stars
4/28/06 Sugarfoot Awful. Just awful. 1 stars
2/13/06 Anthony Im with seagal in this one 4 stars
12/08/05 JM Synth Mostly boring, but with some semi-decent action 2 stars
7/22/05 TarHealer Poorly conceived, acted, and edited. 1 stars
11/12/04 Carlos Nunes Way beyond worst 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  19-Aug-2003 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Dec-2003


Directed by
  Michael Oblowitz

Written by
  Dennis Dimster

Cast
  Steven Seagal
  Michelle Goh
  Corey Jacobson
  Elaine Tan
  Kevin Dunn
  MC Harvey



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