Worth A Look: 29.73%
Pretty Bad: 20.72%
Total Crap: 21.62%
4 reviews, 87 user ratings
|Friday the 13th Part 2
by Scott Weinberg
In the pantheon of Cheapo Slasher Ripoffs/Sequels, Friday the 13th Part 2 rates pretty highly. It's got all the basics down - The carnage is nastier, the girls are cuter, and the screenplay is exponentially stupider. Once again, I fall victim to my childhood addictions, and find myself recommending a truly horrible movie.To try and review Friday the 13th Part 2 as if it were an average Hollywood movie would be an exercise in futility. The Friday the 13th movies were never produced with highbrow movie critics in mind, and if the art-house crowd turns its collective nose up at them, that's fine; there are millions of sickos like me to enjoy the grue. These movies are made for gorehounds - people who are smart enough to know they're watching junk, but are simply having too much fun to care. If I ventured to employ a mealtime analogy, Saving Private Ryan would be a steak, Back to the Future is a big helping of delicious mashed potatoes, and a movie like Friday the 13th Part 2 is the worst kind of candy imaginable. Like Pixy Stix or Lik-M-Aid.
"For sicko gorehounds only!...like me."
How can you tell that Part 2 is a true classic? Jason hasn't even discovered his hockey mask yet! He plods along stabbing and impaling, all the while wearing this unseemly potato sack over his grossly misshapen noggin.
Friday the 13th Part 2 offers us a brutally abrupt prologue, in which our plucky survivor from Part 1 is violently dispatched, with nary an afterthought. After the bombastic opening credits, we begin the long, thankless journey that is known as slasher movie character development:
"OK, we got an obnoxious imbecile who curses a lot, plays a lot of pranks and generally earns the most graphically disgusting death?"
"I'm here, you dumb dick! Haha! Pull my finger! Hyuk Hyuk!"
"How about the virginal, anti-social, mildly overweight, mousy, frumpy and dull young woman who will inexplicably end up as the only living mammal when the credits roll?"
"OK, I need one horny couple who think of nothing but humping every 14 minutes like two sweaty rhinos..."
"...pant...pant...We're here!...Got any smokes?"
"Slutty harlot tramp girl who likes to skinny dip and behaves like God's gift to anything testosterone-based?"
"I'm here, babe...Here's my number...Call me...Do these jeans make my ass look fat?"
"And finally, the completely worthless, personality-free and ineffectual camp administrator who isn't even interesting enough to warrant an 'on-screen kill'?"
"Yo, seriously...don't feed raccoons."
After about 46 minutes of watching these idiots do some inane interaction, it eventually gets dark outside and the corpses start piling up. Why movies like this even BOTHER to flesh out the characters is beyond me. It's like eating a cheeseburger after hearing the cow's name. It's just unnecessary.
To celebrate the last night of their lives, a handful of counselors decide to head out to town for some beers. Unfortunately for the audience, the most obnoxious guy in the movie stays at the bar, and never returns for his welcome demise. The handful of fools who do choose to stay get sliced up but good. That's pretty much it, plot-wise. But if you're watching Friday the 13th Part 2 and expecting Alfred Hitchcock, then you need to rent a clue.
Body Count: 10
Total for series so far: 20
Fat Cop on the Receiving End of a Claw Hammer
Idiot Stuck in a Bear Trap Gets His Throat Slit
Horny Couple gets Shish-Ka-Bobbed while Doin' the Nastiness
Unfortunate Handicapped Guy gets a Machete in the FaceThe fun of these movies is quite simply the gore, the creative carnage, the rampant cinematic brutality. Call me sick, but I'd rather watch every F13 movie in a row than watch Patch Adams just one more time. To the average movie fan, I'd probably recommend you rent something else. To my fellow horror freaks, you know what I'm talking about.
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originally posted: 11/06/00 16:30:06