Criticwatch - Best Sequel Ever or Dumbest Whore Ever?By Erik Childress
Posted 05/28/11 02:01:39
Warner Bros. appears to have a full-on blockbuster on their hands with The Hangover Part II. And why shouldn't they? It's the highest grossing comedy of all time. Just hit the reset button and the fans will flock to it, regardless of what the critics say. Hell, even Ghostbusters II TRIED to do something different while Todd Phillips and company have recycled every beat, joke and situation to asinine effect for a sequel he dares to make comparisons to The Godfather Part II. (Because he thinks it's better than the original and thus earns the "Part II" moniker.) Personal feelings aside from these movies, the fans should look past I think (as they have for two years now) and consider what they are being sold. By Todd Phillips, Warner Bros. and the usual spate of whores that no other studio has shown such allegiance to this year.
The numbers tell the tale on The Hangover films. In 2009 the original garnered a 79% with only 46 negative reviews making it one of the best reviewed live-action comedies of that year. In the only case someone can make that Part II has flipped the script, it is only at 49 POSITIVE reviews for a rating of 32% which ranks it somewhere in-between Big Momma's: Like Father, Like Son and Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family. Here is a sample of some of the naysayers:
"Intelligent and inspiring! A rare achievement in film. Angelina Jolie is terrific and delivers an engaging and courageous performance." (Beyond Borders)
"****! Moving and gripping! Freedomland is a heart-stopping, riveting and utterly compelling film. Samuel L. Jackson delivers one of the finest performances of his career and Julianne Moore is superb." (Freedomland)
"Intriguing and immediately engrossing. Ben Kingsley is riveting! He delivers a frighteningly chilling performance." (Suspect Zero)
"Insanely funny! Will Ferrell delivers another winner." (Semi-Pro)
"The funniest comedy of the year. The Wayans brothers have delivered another comedy classic". (White Chicks)
Then you have Mark S-for-Soulless Allen telling you that The Hangover Part II is even "funnier than the first." Exhibits A, B & C please.
"Amazing, remarkable chemistry and better than the original!" (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2)
"Charming, funny and even better than the original" (Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous)
Exhibit D being that those last two quotes were also for WB films. And the theme of repeating oneself continues. However, the Grand Prize winner this week is the quote that Criticwatch has been receiving e-mails and tweets about ever since folks caught wind of it on the commercials earlier in the week. You know it. You hate it. Perhaps the single most idiotic quote you will see attached to a film all year.
First off, feel free to examine the obvious. Let it sink in for a moment and then begin to make the lists. Aliens, The Dark Knight, Dawn of the Dead, The Empire Strikes Back, Evil Dead 2, The Road Warrior, Spider-Man 2, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Superman II, and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. It does not matter if you even agree with any of those films being superior to their originals. The notion of a great sequel is in the relative property of how successful it is compared to its previous entry. Even merely good sequels are competing with Florino's assertion and we didn't even put The Godfather Part II. So, unless Rick Florino really hated the original Hangover or really hated any of those 11 films that most film scholars would have on a ballot for the same title, this fucking moron has just announced The Hangover Part II as the best sequel of all-time. Better than Empire. Better than Khan. Where, oh where, is Michael Corleone to deliver the kiss of death to this guy. Of course, I knew it was you Florino to come up with something so moronic since you were the same jackass who said:
"The scariest movie since The Exorcist!" (The Haunting in Connecticut) – Rick Florino, LAX Magazine
In 2009 he was insulting the good name of one of WB's most revered films. To make amends in 2010, he pimped out six of his seven quotes for WB properties.
"An epic adventure." (The Book of Eli)
"It's breathtaking." (Clash of the Titans)
"Explosive" (The Losers)
"Endearing, engaging and enchanting. One of the year's most unforgettable films." (Flipped)
"One of the funniest movies of 2010." (Lottery Ticket)
"...the funniest film of 2010. A new comedy classic." (Due Date)
Two of the very worst films of 2010 in Florino's mind were two of the funniest. From one Todd Phillips "comedy classic" to the next being the "best sequel ever," Rick Florino must be pronounced persona non gratta by every moviegoer who sees his name on another ad. Pronounce the film dead. Not funny. Not good. Just complete shit. I Am Number Four is "the perfect film to ignite 2011?" If you mean lighting a match to coat the stench, sure. Sucker Punch is "explosive" and "will blow you mind?" How many matches do those films need? So take note WB and other studios. Choose your critics wisely and stop repeating yourself by putting out the same old shit. Movies - and - quote whores!
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