eFilmCritic

[Daddy Plaid]

Tank of Gas to Mexico......$120

Hooch & Pizza.............$50

BoBB's New Avatar.........PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

You like that, don't ya son?

Seeing how you're a good man.. Bob is gonna throw you a big party whenever you come to good ole Seattle, Texas. They'll be plenty of Mexican whores, midgets, and magic-eyed Orientals to fuck.

And if we run low on the whores, we'll just hop in my bean powered 18 wheeler, and round some up in ole México. God damn it.. that sounds like a plan to me!

Uh-oh.. its almost time for Bob's 2:30 fuckin' session with a few of his whores. Gotta break in their tight poop factories.. you know how it goes, son.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Destinee]

The BOBMAN's new avatar? SCARY...just like the old one.

Bob, I was counting the teeth. I counted five. Did I miss any?

Who loves you?

Dest
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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

*counts on his fingers*

Yeah Dest, that sounds about right.

Everybody loves Bob, I'm a damn good man.

Come on now, you don't have to hide your feelings from Bob any more.. I know ya wanna experience the thrill known as Bob-a-mania™. What woman doesn't want to? And don't say my Mexican whores, cause them kooky bitches don't count.

If I had a nickel for every woman who wanted to sleep with the man, the myth, the legend that is Bob™, well.. I'd have about 35 cents to my name.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Destinee]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Bob my love,

You are way to hard on youself. I am sure it would amount to more than 35 cents. At least 50.

Wink

Who love you???

Dest
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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Dest - You know, Bob only has one true love, and despite what you think, no.. its not my whores. Only one little philly has this ole man's heart.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Destinee]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww Bobman,

I KNEW your bark was worse than your bite. You(sniff) made my eyes(sniff) water...you big softee you!


Dest
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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Dest - There ain't NOTHING soft about Bob. Just ask my woman, she'll tell you. Well, I doubt that you could ask her.. I mean with a woman that wonderful, I gotta lock her fine ass up in my dungeon.. err.. closet.

I made your eyes water? I didn't fart, did I? *thinks*

Hmm.. I didn't invade your crap tank, or.. did I?

Oh well, Bob has to go fishing today. Have to use one of my whores as bait though, seeing how I forgot to go out and buy some.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Thumb the Toad]

*laughs till his stomach explodes*

*lies dead with a huge, bloody hole in his stomach exposing my red, sticky intestines where all the food I've had in the last 24 hours slowly dribbles out of my skinny torso*

*my ghost falls into hell still laughing with the hole in the stomach*

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

The other week Bob was sitting around, watching the 1993 kooky movie Super Mario Bros., staring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo and Dennis Hopper. And I got to thinking.. what if there was a gateway to another dimension buried deep under my house, that led to a world that was run by dinosaurs. So Bob got his Mexican whores together, and had them dig all day and all night, for about 6 days straight.

Well, there wasn't a damn thing buried in my yard. No gateway to another dimension, no dinosaur bones, not even a dead whore or two was buried under my house. That's mainly because I usually dump the bodies in the ocean, but never mind that, that's an entirely different story altogether.

Bob was pretty pissed, pissed at his whores for what they had done. So, I rounded them all up, then threw each and every one of them bitches into my Tiger Shark tank.. that made Bob happy, and he forgot all about the magical gateway he was seeking.

Now I just need to travel down to ole México and round me up some new, tight assed whores. I tell you.. its frustrating being a whoremaster sometimes. *shakes head* Okay, not really.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

Hey, Booty-Obsessed Bob:

You ever had sex in the missionary position in your entire life, you perverted fuck?


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack - Son, now what the hell kind of question is that? That's like asking a Mexican if they like tacos, or asking a Canadian if they like hockey.. hell.. its like asking them dirty hicks if they like fucking their sisters.

The answer to your question though would be a yes.. but Bob much prefers to rant and rave about the crap tank of a women, rather than her fish cave.

You a good man, I'm gonna treat you to a night at Red Lobster.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

I'm gonna treat you to a night at Red Lobster.

Fine by me -- just as long as the waitresses have good-tasting fish tanks to offer up off the dessert plate, though.


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[y2mckay]

You can keep yer Mexican whores. From now on, it's only the magic-eyed orientals for me
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I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas, and THEN get high, to reward myself!

[Guest]

Jack, heeheeheehe. That was a Great question. Bob, seriously, it was. I some how can't envision you longingly gazing down at your (a) lady, passionately caressing her body and sensually whispering words of sheer erotica to her. You're more the "Turn around bitch and shut the fuk up" type. I imagine you hungrily grabbing the back of a girl's hair and ripping it out from the roots on climax.


Dest [/u]

[Jack Sommersby]

The grabbing the hair and ripping it out from the roots isn't so unstimulating, Dest. Be more than glad to demonstrate it should you get down here to the Lone Star State, where you can find a real guy who can knock boots with the best of 'em, girl.


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

y2mckay - Hey, whoa.. you just can't swear off all Mexican whores. I mean, the magic-eyed Oriental bitches are good.. but you need to keep a few of dirty Latinas around. That way, when you're running from the law, you can just dump one outta the back of your truck while you're speeding down the highway. Cops like them free "gifts" from good ole Bob.

Dest - Hey, you'd be surprised at what Bob can do. Just cause I'm rough around the edges.. that don't mean ya have to stereotype me like that. Just be glad that Bob likes you.. otherwise.. you just might have wound up with a bottle of Hooch™, and one of my shoes jammed up your tight poop chute.

Jack - You think you're more of a real man than Bob? Son, I will sock you in the love sack, and then have my whores blow you! *thinks* Wait.. the part about the whores isn't torture. Fine, they won't swallow your spicy man juice when they're done with you.

As some Italiano bastard once said to me.. "I make-a da good sauce-a!"

I have no idea what that means, or has to do with anything.. I just like saying it.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Kyle]

[Jack Sommersby]

Bob is certainly a force of nature. Of course, I'm still curious if he's actually human or not. I keep envisioning one of those backwoods human/mutants from Wrong Turn.


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Daddy Plaid]

Actually If you really want to envision BoBB,
mix Randall Tex Cobb with
Gary Busey and Mickey Rourke
then add some Antonio Banderas.
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Kyle - Damn it son, you making Bob's eyes water. You a good man, I'm gonna let you throw a fuckin' on some of my whores for free, then I'm gonna let you beat some of my midgets with their own shoes.

Jack - God damn it, Bob's human you dirty prick! Not very civilized.. but human nonetheless. Let me ask you something, son.. you ever been punched repeatedly in your rubbery ball sack? Well you're gonna be.. if you keep up with those type of questions. I like you, but I won't hesitate to track you down, beat you with a stick, then toss your ass in the trunk of my car and leave you naked, with honey smeared all over your balls and ass in the middle of the jungles of Utah. You won't last five minutes with those savage Mormons.. I guarantee it.

Daddy Plaid - You sure know how to make an old man happy. Why don't you come on down to good ole Seattle, Texas.. Bob will take you to his secret Mexican whore smuggling headquarters.. and there you can throw a fuckin' on as many of my dirty bitches as you like!
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Thumb the Toad]

Okay...

What got you into the business of Mexican whores?

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Thumb - Well, back in '67, while Bob was down in ole México.. he stumbled across this paradise.. this little slice of heaven known to the locals as.. El dirty-o Mexican-o whorehouse-o. Roughly translated.. dirty Mexican whorehouse. Bob remembers it, like it was yesterday.

So Bob got to thinking.. if these greasy bastards could make money off the whores.. why couldn't I? So I spent most of the day there, doing surveillance, and some the whores of course. I then came back later that night, and using the ancient art of ass fisting, I overtook the guards armed with their deadly bean guns, and spicy taco rifles, then made my way into the Whore Vault, where I rounded up all the fine looking broads, and threw them into the back of my 18-wheeler, then took them all back home to good ole Seattle, Texas. And the rest as they say.. is history.

Its all about the money.. Bob's world revolves around money, whores, Hooch™, and fishing. Not necessarily in that order though. You a good man, I'm gonna let you fist my favorite whore, Dirty Latina Susan, right up her sloppy shit box. Mind you, that's not her name.. I changed it for her. But, she's there for you, son. She'll do whatever you want.. and if she doesn't.. then just tie her up and do whatever you want, anyway.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

Bob,

Stay the hell away from my ball sack, thanks very much. (After all, there are way too many beautiful babes who'll fight to the death to keep my privates to themselves.)



As for Mormon babes, hell, bring them to my bed party any 'ol time, but let me ask the expert: are their crap tanks tighter than your Mexican whores, or will I need a lifeline to keep me from falling in?


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack - Son, I never said I was gonna go near your donkey balls, I just said you're gonna get punched in them, that's all. You a sneaky son-o-bitch.. I gotta watch out for you.

And I think you're mistaken.. I didn't say anything about Mormon babes. For there is no such thing as a good looking Mormon broad. You must be high on crack.. but that's okay.. I still like ya.

And let me tell you something about my whore's crap tanks.. they ain't so tight after Bob gets done with them. I wouldn't know anything about Mormon ass though.. and I don't want to.. them be some scary ass people. Uh-oh.. that just made me crap in my pants.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.