eFilmCritic

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Dest - If you're trying to scare ole Bob off.. it ain't gonna work. Wink

There are few things that scare me. One of them being transvestite midget assassins. *cringes, then pisses in his pants* I don't even wanna think about that any longer!! Wink

Bob has huge elephant balls though.. so he'll take you up on any dare. Very Happy

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

Destinee · Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2003 3:15 pm Post subject:

Bob, of course I ain't trying to scare you. Lil' ole me? Just letting you know that you'd never be able to put ANYTHING near my taboo area. let alone a foot. Bob, you couldn't catch me if I were a cold. Pssssssssssssssssssttt!

Dest Razz

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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

Daddy Plaid · Joined: 11 Feb 2003 Posts: 1046 Location: Plaididia

Maegs · Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2003 6:06 pm Post subject:

TheAngryJew · Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2003 7:00 pm Post subject:

I'm a witness.

Carina's quite cute.
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Scott Weinberg

y2mckay · Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2003 7:03 pm Post subject:

Well, she was . . .

Then she had to go get married and up the pole Razz

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I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas, and THEN get high, to reward myself!

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Maegs - I don't believe it. If you're a good looking broad.. then you must either be a spy from the Evil Empire of Canada.. or you're an agent of the diabolical group known as.. El Mexican-o Spy-o's! Rolling Eyes

It don't matter though.. even though Bob don't like them groups much.. he'll still throw a fuckin' on ya. You a good woman, I'm gonna take you out and we'll go dancing, and then we'll have a romantic candlelight dinner at KFC. I'm going all out for you.. sweet tits. Very Happy

Mr. Jew - Although I respect your opinion.. I can't trust the Jews. Sad

You sons-of-bitches took all my money back in '95.. that.. and you stole the ass cherry of my dog Skip. Poor Skip.. he don't dookie right any more after that. You're even more sadistic than those magic-eyed, Oriental midget assassins! Wink

As my Uncle Frank always used to say.. "Trusting a Jew, is like letting your woman stick her dildo up your poop hole.. sure.. it feels good at first.." Oh.. wait.. never mind what Uncle Frank had to say. Embarassed

Now.. if you'll excuse Bob.. I've gotta go empty out the rest of my crap tank. Seeing horror movies like Freddy v.s. Jason makes ole Bob dookie in his shorts. Not because it was scary.. but because I forgot to go when I left the house today. Laughing

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

TheAngryJew · Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2003 2:25 am Post subject:

Bob for Message Board President!

Fucker makes me laugh!
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Scott Weinberg

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Mr. Jew - How about just plain Bob for President? Wink

You can be my silly little Jewish Vice President/sidekick. Very Happy

Together you and me will rid the world of evil Canadians, dirty Mexicans, scary Mormons and of course.. the British. We'd go after the magic-eyed Orientals too.. but we'd need a bigger army of whores to take them down.. plus they've got midget ninja assassins. How the hell do you top that?! Shocked

And by Mexicans.. I do mean just the men.. we need the women around to be our filthy whores. I guess the same can go for the women of our arch rivals as well. How's that sound, son? Twisted Evil

Yes, Bob is a drunk, a womanizer, and just plain psychotic.. but how much worse can I be than all those other sons-o-bitches that have been in office before me? Vote for Bob Johnson.. he's your man! Rolling Eyes

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

Thumb the Toad · Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2003 9:30 pm Post subject:

Daddy Plaid · Joined: 11 Feb 2003 Posts: 1046 Location: Plaididia

I really wish I was super rich,
I'd love to get a billboard size poster of that avatar and
stick it on the steps of our capitol with a caption
Bob Johnson for President

Running platform
Close the borders to all, but the whores.
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Daddy Plaid - Son, I'm gonna hire you as my campaign manager. God damn it, you good! Very Happy

You know, the other day Bob was watching the 1993 hit movie: In the Line of Fire, staring Clint Eastwood, and this got me thinking about the years I spent in the Secret Service, and the time that Bob saved former President Clinton's life. I know, you're saying.. when the hell was he ever in danger? Confused

It was back in '95, and the President was out fishing in The Gulf of México, and everything was going just fine, until he got back to his hotel room, and found an explosive device inside his pants. Yes, the explosive device was attached to his beef stick, and upon scratching his rubbery scrotum sack, he activated it. Calling out for me, I came running in, and we soon found out that if Billy boy didn't relieve the pressure in his "package", that it'd go off.. and I mean the bomb you dirty pricks.. the BOMB! Mad

So Bob thought quickly, and came up with an idea. I got Juanita, the cleaning lady to come into the room.. and realizing that she was Mexican, Bob knew that whore would do just fine. Bending her over, our fearless President stuffed his "Presidential Love Rod" into her tight caca cave. After five long seconds, he was done, and the explosives were secured in the whore's ass. I took her out to a field, and detonated that bomb, ensuring the safety of President Clinton. Ah, those were the days. Rolling Eyes

You can read all about it in my upcoming book entitled.. Bob Johnson: Secret Anus Man. Twisted Evil

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

Thumb the Toad · Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2003 11:02 pm Post subject:

B.O.B.B. should start up his own website for his ramblings and importing Mexican whores.

The traffic would skyrocket. It'd be damned hilarious.

Oh, and I'd be the admin so B.O.B.B. can spend more time raving than bothering with web design.

Kyle · Joined: 12 Jul 2002 Posts: 568 Location: Chicago

Thumb the Toad · Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2003 11:19 pm Post subject:

He'd probably remake it into His Willy, Wanking and the Ass-Chocolate Factory.

Destinee · Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2003 8:32 am Post subject:

Nah, He'd change the title to " Willie's wanker goes up the chocolate factory". Bob, you so crazy.

Dest Laughing

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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

Thumb the Toad · Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2003 9:51 am Post subject:

I am infinitely more nuts than he is.

Jack Sommersby · Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2003 11:23 am Post subject: ----------

Nobody -- or, to be more precise, nothing -- is more certifiably nutso than Booty-Obsessed Bob.

Shocked

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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Thumb - Hmm.. Bob's own website? That's not a bad idea. Damn it son, I'm liking you more and more every day. Very Happy

I'm gonna send you a couple bottles of Hooch™, and two of my finest whores. Just watch how much you drink around them though.. cause you're liable to wake up the next day with a sore shit box, and a pile of dookie on your chest. Bob made that mistake once with them. Surprised

Kyle, Thumb & Dest - Uh-oh, you've hit a sore spot with me. As much as Bob enjoyed the 1971 kooky hit movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, staring Gene Wilder.. I have no interest in it.. any more. See, I'm still really pissed at Warner Bros. Studios for what they did to that movie. For it was actually based on some of the events in Bob's earlier life. But them sons-o-bitches changed almost everything. I didn't mind it when they changed the name, which originally was: One Eyed Willy and the Chocolate Poop Cave Factory. I didn't have a problem with anything, that is.. until they took out all the Mexican whores and replaced them with fucking midgets. That is just unforgivable! Evil or Very Mad

God damn it, Bob's VERY angry today. I better take it out on some of my whores. Nothing soothes the pains of yesterday, like sticking a hot poker up the anal love passage of some dirty assed bitch. Wink

Jack - Hey now, son.. them doctors haven't been able to prove that ole Bob is certifiably nuts. And if you don't have any evidence, then you ain't got shit. Besides.. Bob knows a thing or two about getting rid of evidence. I'm good at hiding shit.. I mean, hell.. they still haven't been able to find Jimmy Hoffa's body after all these years. Maybe I'll tell you guys all about that one of these days. Rolling Eyes

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

Destinee · Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2003 2:46 pm Post subject:

Bob, I STILL am trying to figure you out. I don't quite know where BOB starts and your sadistic, pooper-scooper, whoremonger alter-ego ends. As amusing as you may be, you are a bit too descript for me sometimes. I think your perverse obsession with the female "ass" isn't normal. You talk about your "Hershey" colored Phallus like one would talk about playing golf. I will share something with you(only because I like you a little bit)...you know that little opening(ah, let's call it...your PEE hole)at the tip of your fella? Do you realize that everytime you enter the "Dark" zone, you leave with a little bit of reminder trapped inside? Know what that is called? A disease waiting to happen. Careful where you put it, stud. I'd hate to read about you in "Weird News".

Dest Wink

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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

Thumb the Toad · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2003 12:09 am Post subject:

There is no on Earth that has more of a female ass fixation than good ol' B.O.B.B., we all know that.

He wins yet another Pervert of the Year award.

Jack Sommersby · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2003 9:27 am Post subject: --------

Dest,

Thanks for the graphic description of the fecal remains in the 'ol tallywacker. It's a sickening, disgusting, and borderline-amoral act, I tell you...

...so how about giving me anal? Unlike Bob, I won't need both hands and a 200-watt flashlight to find your "alternate" love canal.

Razz

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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

Guest · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2003 10:46 am Post subject:

Jack my love,

Why do you men so anxiously desire the "Cone" when the "ice cream" is so scruptious? I don't get it, I don't get, I don't get it! I think there is something terribly savage about that. I know women that LOVE it, but me personally, uh uh. What in the f&*&! is so good about feeling like somebody is LITERALLY tearing you a new one? Sorry babies, mama uses the part that was designed for abuse...feel me? Even animals KNOW where to stick their sticker. Even when dogs do it "Doggie Style", it is the love canal that they aim for. Oh well, I am so thankful my guy isn't an ass fanatic, yet we both are multi-orgasmic doing it the Old fashioned way. Thanks but NO THANKS!

Dest Twisted Evil

Big Ole Badass Bob · Joined: 28 Mar 2003 Posts: 394 Location: Seattle, Texas

Dest - Bob is immune to diseases, and cannot be be killed by conventional weapons. Rolling Eyes

And quit trying to figure me out. Some things are better left off as a mystery. You a good woman though. You may fight it, but you know in the end, that Bob's meaty yard stick makes your buttho' leak. And Bob knows the perfect way to stop your anal leakage. But first I'll quench the thirst of your tuna casserole cave. I'll be over in a couple of hours, so be naked and ready for me pumpkin tits. Wink

Jack - Son, the only reason I'd ever need two hands, would be, because I needed both of them to hold my mammoth Dookie Pounder™ before shoving it into her chocolate doop chute. Very Happy

And hey, I ain't got no problem finding it either, you dirty son-o-bitch! Hell.. I can see her gaping tool box all the way from good ole Seattle, Texas for Christ's sake! Surprised

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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.