eFilmCritic

[Thumb the Toad]

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jesus Christ, Bob is back. And I'm a bit pissed, I couldn't get on-line to tell you all about the birthday bash for ole Bob.. 58 years and still going strong. The other week, Bob had gotten back home from his road trip, only to discover that his computer had contracted a severe case of Mexican Syphilis. Well, actually it just crapped out on me, but that still could of been what caused it. Which was really bad timing, cause my big rig was in the shop, and I couldn't use the super computer that's on board. That's the price to pay though, since I was having a couple machine guns and a rocket launcher attached to it. But anyway, what I think really happened, was that somebody tried to break into Bob's computer, and steal all the top-secret government documents that he has stored in there. So I narrowed the list of suspects, and these are the conclusions that I've come to.

First of all, Bob knows it wasn't the Mexicans.. cause quite frankly, they just ain't smart enough.. that.. and they don't speak English. It wasn't the Jews, because all them sons-o-bitches are interested in is money and power.. and Bob's computer possesses neither of those. It sure as hell wasn't the British.. cause they stink.. smell like cheese. So I'd of caught wind of them before their evil plan was hatched. It definitely wasn't them magic-eyed Orientals either.. cause Bob's computer is high up on his desk, and as we all now.. them Orientals aren't very tall, and can't reach up that far. So, that just leaves the Canadians. The Evil Empire of Canada has always had it in for me, so they must have been the ones who sabotaged the computer. If they were looking for them government files, then they looked in the wrong place. If they had a brain in their heads, then they would of skipped the computer, and went right for one of my whores. Cause Bob saves everything to disk, sticks it in a plastic baggy, and then jams it up all of his whore's tight crap tanks. If you want to keep something safe.. then up some dirty broad's ass is the place to stick it. You laugh now, but you'll thank me later for this advice.

Its good to be back though.. I know everybody missed the man, the myth, the legend that can only be described as Bob. Or as the silly Mexicans call me.. El Grande Horse-o Cock-o Man-o.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Kyle]

[Daddy Plaid]

Like a $1.65 on the black market

Good to have ya back BoBB.
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Jack Sommersby]

I can only imagine what Booty-Obsessed Bob's "birds and the bees" lecture to his children will be like. I imagine they're be perplexed as to how babies are made by the tallywacker being inserted into the (to use Bob's vocabulary) crap tank instead of the fish tank. And Bob's likely answer to the kids asking what's meant by "safe sex" will be "you say the Lord's prayer before mercilessly pounding it home".


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Destinee]

The devil is back! With a virus problem to boot. Why am I not surprised???

Ever hear of "Montezuma's revenge" Bobby ole boy? Well, I think "Pancho Villa's" revenge got YOU instead. YOu crap on their women, they crap on your 'puter. Now go and play nice. I hear there is a little hot latina mama named "Loreena" waiting to meet you. I hear she is a real "CUT UP".


Dest
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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

You know, Bob would like to know what his kids would be like too. I've had a whole bunch of kids, but once Bob shoots his manly love juice into a bitch, he's gone, doesn't look back. I don't stick around to see what happens. But if any of my children want to look me up, then its fine by me. I could always turn over the family business to them. I mean, since the kid's mother is a whore, he'll know more about these types of bitches.. so who better then to take over for me? God damn it!

Dest - You a good woman.. I'm gonna make you my bitch one of these days. Mark my word. Besides.. what woman can resist Bob's charm? I'll even buy you dinner, sweet tits.. all you can eat at Burger King.

Ah, damn it.. I gotta go.. one of my whores is giving my donkey, Pablo.. head again. I told that bitch to quit doing that.. the only donkey cock that she's gonna be sucking on is ole Bob's.

Bob's Tip of the Day:

"If you're gonna be camping out in the woods, make sure you bring along a few whores. That way, if you're attacked by bears, you can just throw one of them bitches to it, and then run the fuck away."
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

Booty-Obsessed Bob,

Why don't you get your chickshit ass up here to Denton so we can have an all-you-can-bugger Mexican whore fest? You bring the lubricant (oh, that's right, you like those crap tanks dry), and I'll bring along a crate of penicillin (not to mention a ton of disenfectant).


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Guest]

Sorry Bobino,

That couldn't happen if I walked on all fours and barked at the moon! psssssssssssss...c'mere....a little closer....DEST LIKES HER MEN A BIT MORE CIVILIZED!!!!!!


Dest

[Jack Sommersby]

If you'll lay me, Dest, I'll be more civilized than Mister Rogers!!!!!


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack - Son, you got a set of balls on you, I'll give you that. No brains, and soon to be no rubbery sack-o-love.. that is, after I send some magic-eyed, Oriental ninja assassins to your house to remove them.

I'll accept your challenge.. even though you don't stand a chance against me. I've been banging Mexican broads in their asses since before you were even in diapers, son. And that's right.. I DO like my bitches to have a dry crap tank, when Bob's meaty beef stick goes in for the kill. Like I've always said.. lube is for pansies.. and them Canadians. You better not be a Canadian spy.. I'd hate to kill you, cause you a good man.

Dest - Woman, once Bob's done with you.. you'll actually be barking at the moon and crawling on all fours. Bob is God's gift to women.. well.. its really the other way around.. all you bitches are gifts to me. But never mind that for now. *punishes your buttho' with my Dookie Pounder™*

Bob's Tip of the Day:

"If you're ever on a hunting trip, and you happen to have a bad weekend with shooting some of the wildlife, feel free to stick one of your Mexican whores out there, and pop off a few rounds in that bitch."
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

So Bob was sitting around the other night, playing with his Texas sized meat stick, and watching the 1987 hit movie Over the Top, staring Sylvester Stallone and Robert Loggia. And I got to thinking.. how is it that Bob let them bastards get away with making a movie about events in my life.. and not make them pay me a shit load of cash?

Then again, I was probably so damn drunk at the time, that I don't remember signing any rights away to the studio or something along the lines. This makes Bob angry.. always has. Why is it though, that they changed the events that happened, to a pussy ass, heartfelt, father-son lame ass movie?

The real story was far more compelling than what they shoved up onto the screen. See, back in the early 80's, when Bob was a fulltime trucker, he used to compete in all sorts of arm wrestling tournaments. But there wasn't all that media coverage, and the grand prize wasn't some expensive big-rig.. we were competing for 12 of ole México's finest whores. By my side, there wasn't one of my kids.. but none other than my trusty sidekick.. Phil the circus midget. And with his support, he helped ole Bob win it all. Sadly though, 3 days after the tournament.. Phil was killed by a group evil Canadians, that were looking for me, but luckily I pointed Phil out to them, and told them that he was me, thus.. saving my own ass, as I always do.

I'm sure that I left out a few details.. but Bob has a hard time trying to think, especially while he's fucking one of his bitches in her dirty diarrhea hole. You know how it goes?

Uh-oh.. one of my whores is loose, and is trying to get away.. damn that dirty bitch.. when I catch her, I'm gonna plug up her poop cave, and leave it that way until I see fit to pull the plug, which might be never.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

Just curious, Beasty Bob

Were you a technical advisor on the set of Deliverance?


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Daddy Plaid]

Yeah, he was there.
He told McKinney not to use any lube

While digging , found this:
http://www.myredbook.net/dcforum2/DCForumID8/13024.html
McKinney's site
http://www.squeallikeapig.com/index.htm
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack and Daddy Plaid - Do you think that every time there's a scene in a movie that involves the invasion of the dookie factory, that ole Bob had something to do with it? Well, you're right.. It does. I WAS the technical advisor on the classic 1972 movie Deliverance; starring Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, Ronny Cox, and Ed O'Neill. If you need to know about the poop cave, then Bob's your man.. although, I don't know anything about the manly tool box. Well, there was that one time in prison.. but all Bob has to say about that is..... a hole is a hole, when you close your eyes, you can't tell the difference! Umm, uhh.. wait.. Bob didn't just say that.. forget you read that.

Poor Ned Beatty, to this day, he won't talk about that movie. Maybe its the fact that off camera the entire cast and crew of the film filled his crap tank with their beef sticks, drained their spicy man juice in him, tea-bagged his mouth, threw him down, and shit all over his chest? I don't see what the problem was?
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[y2mckay]

HA!

If I may paraphrase the new Deftones song: "And God Bless you Bobb, for the posts you bring . . ."
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I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas, and THEN get high, to reward myself!

[Daddy Plaid]

BoBB aHo-Tep!

HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

y2mckay and Daddy Plaid - Hey now, you ain't fooling anybody with all that there sweet talk. Bob knows the only reason you two jerky bastards are being nice to me, is because you want some of that fine Mexican whore pussy. Well, y2mckay likes the magic-eyed Oriental fish tacos, and I got me some of that too, but that's not the point here. If you two think you can be nice to this ole man, just to get some hot action from my bitches.. then.. you're right, I'm gonna give you guys V.I.P. passes to the Whore Mansion™. So stop by this weekend.. and we'll go out drinking, fishing, and we'll fuck my dirty ass ho's. And if my whores aren't doing it for ya, then we can just go out into town, and if you see anything you like, we'll knock the bitch out, tie her up, plug her tight crap tank up, then stick her into the trunk of my car. After that.. she's all your's.

Bob's Tip of the Day:

"Give a hoot, don't pollute. And if you decide to, well.. then Bob's gonna jam a huge, rusty metal pipe up your damn dookie holes, and he's gonna do it dry, ya dirty ass sons-o-bitches!"
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Daddy Plaid]

WOO-HOO!
The WhoreMansion!!!!!

It's about time someone built a place better than Hef's.
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Jack Sommersby]

Heh!

Yeah, and the place will likely have some pretty lavish sofa cushions so Bob's ass-reamed women can sit down without wincing so damn much.


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack - Hey, whoa.. jerky.. hold on there. Bob has a few rules in his house.. one of them being.. NO BITCHES ALLOWED ON THE FURNITURE. Bob likes the ass, just not the messy anal juice that gets all over the damn place after you've punished your whore with your Dookie Pounder™. Besides.. we all know that dirty Mexicans aren't good enough to park their poop factories on any of his couches.

Like my Uncle Frank always used to say:

"Letting a Mexican sit on your couch, is like sticking your finger up your caca cavern. Sure, it feels great, but then you want something longer and bigger.. up it.." Umm.. wait.. just forget what Uncle Frank said.. my mistake.

Bob's Tip of the Day:

"If you catch somebody breaking into your house, don't call the cops, just beat them down, tie them up, smear bean dip all over their rubbery ball sacks, then have your dirty ass whores chew them off. That should teach them sons-o-bitches not to burglarize your home!"
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Jack Sommersby]

A little bit of info for you, Booty Bob, in case you didn't know:

Pussy juice feels good on your dick, you ass-obsessed freak. That American Pie film wasn't lying.


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"Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass." -- Meghan McCain

[Daddy Plaid]

Was up all last night....too many infomercials flying around
in my head

in ronco voice: Does your DookiePounder crave that south of the border sensation?!?! Been awhile since the ole whale explored the deepest fathoms?!?!? Well, look no further folks! Pussy in a can! 100% natural ingredients! A full money back guarantee if not completely satisfied!
All for just $19.99!!!! What can pussy in a can do for me?!!? How's it work?!?! Just pop the lid and drink the juice, everything a growing body needs! And when you're done, insert the old dookie pounder and get the sensation of 100 mexican senoritas sucking you to paradise!!!

No more TV....played some GTA:VC and seeing the dude with one arm and his sign that read
"Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again"
reminded me of BoBB.
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Daniel san! Plaididdy-on....plaididdy off!
It's Spaceball 1...They've gone to Plaid!

[Big Ole Badass Bob]

Jack - Bob never said it don't feel good.. you ever listen to me, son? What the hell is wrong with you?

And here's a bit of info for you. The only pussy you're ever getting.. is man pussy.. and all that is, is just guy ass. You fruity assed son-o-bitch! *has one of my midgets slug you in the cock for that*

Daddy Plaid - That's a good idea. Bob thinks you have potential.. potential to be just like ole Bob one of these days. I almost want to cry cause I'm so proud of you. But if Bob does cry, then he gets a bit pissed off, and then he has to go stick a can of corn up one of his dirty Mexican whore's doop chute. Oh my God.. don't get me started on those infomercials though.

Like my Uncle Frank always used to say:

"Watching infomercials, is like getting fucked by your cellmate. At first you don't like it, but after a while, you don't mind it when Bubba rams his mighty beef stick up your not so tight man hole now.." Uh, no.. wait.. damn it, don't listen to Uncle Frank. Bob keeps forgetting not to quote him.

Uh-oh.. one of Bob's whores just laid the world's largest pile of cum-filled diarrhea on the floor. Now he has to go shove her face in it, and make that dirty broad lick it all up.
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A hole is a hole.. as long as there's some heat up in it, I'll throw a fuckin' on it.

[Destinee]

YOU SIR are a discusting bastard! Can't you find another way to indulge yourself in your fantasies? I swear, sometimes I HATE the internet. It makes it possible for all of the world's excrement to SHIT all over the minds of everybody else. Write a book, kiss your wife/girlfriend/whore or whatever gets you through the night. At first, it was amusing. Now it is just plain creepy. It's not funny, amusing or interesting in the least. It's a free world AND an open forum, but show some class you bluegrass, backwoods, omnisexual YOU. My last post at your discusting domain. You creep me the fuk out. YUK!!!!

No more DEST here.
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Destinee- Wish I had more time to get lost in a Loews near YOU