eFilmCritic

MP Bartley · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:20 am Post subject: Bruised.

So I was assaulted for the first time last night. Which was fun. I was just walking home from watching the football with my father-in-law at his place and went down a street I've walked down, like, a hundred times before at night.

I pass one guy who's talking to someone in a car, and at the same time I can see someone come out of the house next to him. The next thing I hear is "YOU GINGER CUNT!". "Nah, it can't be me", I think, "I'm not ginger". But then it gets repeated and I can see that they're following me. So I pick up pace, but they do too, and one of them gets in front of me and confronts me. Scarily, the other one stays behind me at this point as I'm trying to weave and run past the first guy.

So I get knocked to the ground by the first guy and the second aims a kick at me on the ground. Thankfully, my razor sharp spidey sense enables me to push myself off the ground and over the road to my street (although the fact they were clearly off their heads on something helped). The second one manages to grab me again and throws me into a wall, but I manage to get away from and into my house.

I feel ok, a few scrapes and bruises, and I'm counting my blessings with that. I have to say, the police were fantastic and think they know who it was. The scary thing is, this all happened about 50 feet from my house and the people responsible live just around the corner.

So, a fun night had by all.
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"We hate the French! We fight wars against the French! Did all those men die in vain on the fields of Agincourt? Was the man who burned Joan of Arc just wasting good matches?"

laura · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:25 am Post subject:

Wowzers. : / Glad to hear you're okay and have a sense of humor about it and hopefully are not too shaken.
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http://www.myspace.com/laurjane

Oz · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:32 am Post subject:

I thought you lived in Sunderland, not Milwall.
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UDM · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:39 am Post subject:

What the fuck is a ginger cunt?

UDM

MP Bartley · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:44 am Post subject:

The bottom half of Lindsay Lohan.

And Oz, did you not hear? Sunderland is the new Compton of England.

Thanks for all your best wishes though guys. Just talking to the neighbours, and they're a notorious bunch of troublemakers. The police have never been able to get anything concrete on them however, so hopefully this will make a difference.

And I now plan to spend my Easter break constructing a torture chamber, whilst watching Death Wish, Straw Dogs and Dead Man's Shoes on an endless loop.
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"We hate the French! We fight wars against the French! Did all those men die in vain on the fields of Agincourt? Was the man who burned Joan of Arc just wasting good matches?"

Bentino Furioso · Joined: 07 Jul 2005 Posts: 216 Location: 35 and 40

Glad to hear you can out of it all okay, and here's hoping these morons don't come back.
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All movies mean something--even the ones that try not to. Paul Schrader

Ben · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:53 am Post subject:

wow... what everyone else said. glad you're ok.
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--b

CharlesTatum · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 9:12 am Post subject:

Another reason I like living in North Dakota- it's just too damn cold to go out and mug anyone, not that there are a whole lot of other people up here to mug. "Hand over yure purse, you betcha!"

Glad you're alright!

Sad

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Charles Tatum's Review Archive

Kand El · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:43 am Post subject:

Glad you are ok Matt- Wish I could'a been there to give you some back up- you know so I could beat the heck out of their ankles while they had me down.

I still like you even though you're been revealed to be a souless ginger kid by the Brit equivalent of Eric Cartman. Wink

Hope you get em' locked away somewhere particularly uncomfortable- like the back of a volkswagen.

All the best to you and remember we still love ya' even though we Americans think that having a Queen is a silly idea.

MP Bartley · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:13 am Post subject:

Hey, I think it's a silly idea - although probably preferable to being led by a Bush Wink

Seriously though, thanks for yours and everyone elses best wishes - it means an awful lot. One thing that cheered me up was hearing that they were arrested aftre having their door smashed in at 1 o'clock this morning.

Back's feeling very stiff, but once it's better I'm going to unleash some punishment, medieval style. Fancy joining me Kand El?
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"We hate the French! We fight wars against the French! Did all those men die in vain on the fields of Agincourt? Was the man who burned Joan of Arc just wasting good matches?"

TheAngryJew · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:52 am Post subject:

And everyone says the U.S. is all violent 'n' shit.

Glad you're ok, man!
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Scott Weinberg

Kand El · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:00 pm Post subject:

petersob · HBS Monkey Joined: 06 Mar 2005 Posts: 769

Do it for the Greater Good!
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"Happiness is a state of mind/Anytime you want, you can cross the state line"--Bob Dylan

Oz · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:28 pm Post subject:

I hope you lay charges hard on the fuckers.

And speaking as someone who came from one Queen-having country to settle in another (although, oddly, with the same Queen in both), I think it's a righteous thing to have a monarch.

Not because of the history/ceremony/blah blah, but because when you have someone overseeing government who is able to actually throw that government out if they do the wrong thing by the people, and that person has so much money that she really can't be bought off, and her keeping that money requires her to keep her job and not be thrown out by the will of the people... well, you end up with much less chance of having a Bush in office.

As Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam found out in 1975.
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David Cornelius · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:20 pm Post subject:

Joining the chorus of "glad you're OK." You ginger cunt.

Rob Gonsalves · HBS Monkey Joined: 19 May 2006 Posts: 2024

As Sallah said, "I am pleased you are not dead."
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But I wish the public could, in the midst of its pleasures, see how blatantly it is being spoon-fed, and ask for slightly better dreams.

- Iris Barry, Let's Go to the Movies, 1926
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Shoot him again. His soul is still dancing.

natasha_theobald · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:12 pm Post subject:

Oh my God! Be well. May they move, so you don't have to look at them. Assholes.

UDM · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 5:13 pm Post subject:

Suspiciously, MP has not denied the charge of being a ginger cunt. Something you're not telling us, mate?

UDM

Alex Paquin · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:34 pm Post subject:

Sorry to hear about what happened to you.

However, it seems you've given us a new nickname for you, "Ginger Cunt" Bartley (if you were a wrestler, I think you'd do very well indeed).

natasha_theobald · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:35 am Post subject:

Okay. From someone who enjoys ginger ale and ginger beer, can we please de-cunt the ginger? Thank you.

Plus, I'm pretty sure this isn't one of those things that becomes funny over time or, like, ever.

Oz · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 2:48 am Post subject:

Depends where you're from.

To an Aussie or Brit, it's like an angel whispering in your ear. Saying it without shame takes it back and defangs it.
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MP Bartley · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:28 am Post subject:

Well, I'm certainly not ginger. Apart from random streaks in the beard. As for the other charge laid against me - maybe you'd have to meet me to decide that. But I think it was a bit harsh Sad

Thanks again for all the new well wishes guys. Gonna be doing an ID on these fuckers in the next few days, so hopefully the ball of justice will start a-rollin'.

And if doesn't there's going to be some LSD-laced tea dished around pretty soon...
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"We hate the French! We fight wars against the French! Did all those men die in vain on the fields of Agincourt? Was the man who burned Joan of Arc just wasting good matches?"

MP Bartley · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:40 am Post subject:

Kand El · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:18 pm Post subject:

Well sheeyit man, I know two neighbors of that nice family the Bartleys that are getting two one way tickets on the coal treadmill.

We can do the Carter dance afterward! And there'll be no sniper sent by John Osborne waiting in the wings! YES.

That sphincters-a-quiver'in though? Don't know if that's necessarily something worth having on the resume- I'm surprised some wit hasn't happened along to amend that comment since. Nope- just a simple CJB* for your nay-boors straight from New York.

*Concrete Jungle Beatdown