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Overall Rating

Awesome: 20.16%
Worth A Look: 10.08%
Average: 9.3%
Pretty Bad: 5.43%
Total Crap55.04%

3 reviews, 111 user ratings

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White Chicks
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by EricDSnider

"The worst film of the year ... so far ...."
1 stars

I hope "White Chicks" proves to be the worst movie of the year, simply because I don't want to imagine a movie worse than it. It takes a premise that is unworkable to begin with, stretches it so far that no one will buy it, and then utilizes only the stalest and most obvious jokes anyway. Audiences therefore have two reasons not to enjoy it: because the plot doesn't make any sense, AND because it's not funny. Most bad films give us only one of those.

The movie is about two FBI agents who are brothers, Marcus (Marlon Wayans) and Kevin Copeland (Shawn Wayans). They are useful in sting operations and busts because they are masters of disguise, though if the opening sequence in which they pose as Latinos is any indication, they always wind up acting like African-American men anyway, so I don't know why anyone is fooled. I guess it's supposed to be funny when the "Latino" store owners don't know any real Spanish and do a lot of hip-hop dancing, but all I could think was: Wouldn't the guys they're trying to trap think something is fishy?

Anyway, their boss thinks they're a couple of screw-ups (he's right), but gives them one last easy job: Pick up millionaire heiresses the Wilson sisters (think Paris and Nicky Hilton) at the airport and escort them to the Hamptons, where it's Labor Day weekend and a huge end-of-summer party. The Wilsons, both blond, shallow, stupid and arrogant, are believed to be in danger of kidnapping, hence the FBI escort.

For reasons too wearisome to explain, the Copelands and the Wilsons are in a minor car accident that leaves one girl with a mild cut on her lip and the other with a tiny scratch on her nose. They refuse to proceed to the Hamptons looking like THAT and hunker down in a hotel instead. Now the brothers are screwed: If they can't do the one simple thing their boss asked them to do -- deliver the Wilsons to the Hamptons -- they'll be fired. Obviously, there is no alternative but for them to dress up AS the Wilson sisters and show up in their place. Surely this solution would immediately occur to you, too, if you were in their shoes.

Suspension of disbelief is one thing. Cross-dressing comedies have a long tradition in film (and in theater before it), and while it's true the men seldom REALLY look like women, at least not enough to fool anyone up close, we buy it because hey, that's the premise, and sometimes the movie is funny enough to make us overlook the details.

But there's one substantial difference: In most cross-dressing comedies, the perpetrators are not attempting to impersonate SPECIFIC members of the opposite sex. The people Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis encountered in "Some Like It Hot" (to use one of the best examples of the genre) didn't have to believe Lemmon and Curtis were anyone they knew. They were just two new "women" they'd never met before.

In "White Chicks," Marcus and Kevin are posing as two specific women, and two much-photographed, extremely famous women at that. They hang out with the Wilson sisters' friends, who somehow don't notice that the Wilsons are now taller and heavier, have different speaking voices, behave completely out of character and LOOK NOTHING LIKE THE WILSONS.

I cannot overstate this point: THEY LOOK NOTHING LIKE THEM. With their caucasian-tinted facial prosthetics, the Wayanses look vaguely like white women, yes, but more like mannequins, or burn victims. I thought frequently of the blank-looking mask Michael Myers wore in the "Halloween" films. These guys MIGHT pass themselves off as white chicks, but as two specific white chicks whose faces everyone is very familiar with, and to fool even the girls' best friends? Not a chance. If they approached you, they'd have to tell you who they're supposed to be, because you'd never guess.

I also feel great frustration over WHY they impersonate the Wilsons: that stupid car accident and the minor injuries. If Marcus and Kevin had to go undercover as a means of protecting the girls, to hide the real heiresses away so the kidnappers wouldn't find them -- well, that would at least make sense. The jokey reason given instead, and the over-the-top shuckin' and jivin' that accompanies it -- "Lawdy-lawd, we gonna get fired if we don' get them white girls to the Hamptons!" -- might be enough to fuel a five-minute comedy sketch, but not a whole movie. Films need more solid foundations than a simple "look how vain the rich girls are" joke.

There are simply no believable situations anywhere within the film, and we don't laugh at things when our brains are screaming, "That would never happen!" It's the old line between implausible and impossible. We often find humor in something unlikely happening, if the characters react the way real people would react in those situations. But we don't usually find humor in something impossible happening, because our minds reject it.

Here is an example. One of the guys (I don't know which, because they are indistinguishable with their horrific plastic faces on) becomes the object of affection for a massive black football player named Latrell (Terry Crews), who has a thing for white women. A date with "her" is being auctioned at a charity function, and to keep Latrell from winning, the remaining brother scurries around in the back of the crowd, making men raise their hands so the auctioneer will think they've placed bids. To achieve the involuntary hand-raising, he stomps on one man's foot, hits another one in the butt, and tickles another. Of course, none of these acts, if committed against you, would cause you to raise your hand in the air, but that is the effect it has on these men.

The screenplay -- credited to SIX men, including the two stars and their brother Keenen Ivory Wayans, who also directed -- resorts often to crude humor, including a by-now overdone joke with one of the brothers being lactose intolerant. He is so lactose intolerant, in fact, that literally 10 seconds after eating a dairy product, he is rushing to the bathroom to commit loud, vile acts of flatulence. Later, when he tries to make Latrell stop liking him by farting loudly in a restaurant, Latrell simply joins in with a chorus of his own. A movie about the differences between the races and the sexes, and we're doing fart jokes. Hilarious.

The other jokes are your garden-variety "white people are different from black people" bits. Witness the scene in which the fake Wilsons and their best girlfriends are driving around in a convertible. The guys are stymied when the girls expect them to sing along with Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" (which is apparently a really "white" song), but when some rap comes on the radio, they bust a move.

So APPARENTLY, black people like rap music! Get it?! They like rap music!!! What could be funnier than observing that?!

At another time, everyone is in a dance club in the Hamptons, and the Wilson crew gets into a highly choreographed "You Got Served"-style dance-off with another squadron of rich rhymes-with-witches. I highly doubt that socialite white women know moves that funky, much less that they would act so urban in public. I don't think people like this HAVE dance-offs, frankly. So why do these characters do it? So the faux Wilsons can come in and show them how it's REALLY done, of course.

Apparently, black people are also better at dancing than white people are. Again, the insightful cultural observations are astonishing.

I think it's funny, by the way, that Kevin doesn't even shave his goatee when going undercover as a Wilson sister. How that plastic face is applied -- and more to the point, how it's removed, when it's been stuck to a goatee -- I don't know. I hope it was painful, though. I hope a lot of pain was involved in making the film, because I can attest that a lot of pain -- and boredom and eye-rolling and disgust -- was involved in watching it.

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originally posted: 06/23/04 14:22:45
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User Comments

8/14/16 David Hollingsworth No, absolutely not! 1 stars
4/13/14 FireWithFire I100% proof that Hollywood only hates WHITES, that Blacks are MORE RACIST than us 1 stars
10/11/13 Charles Tatum Laughless, with creepy make-up effects to boot 1 stars
1/11/13 Martel732 Dear FX Network: STOP PLAYING THIS RACIST,ANTI-WHITE, PIECE OF SHIT!!!! 1 stars
7/16/12 Dopey McDope this movie's great for nights in when you just want to laugh out loud...cwazy! 4 stars
2/02/10 JJ Okocha Very funny, saw it many times! 5 stars
12/15/09 Phineas But I'm sure black racists love every second of it.Paul Mooney must've ghost written it. 1 stars
1/09/09 Samantha Pruitt pretty bad, but still a funny movie! wayans are always ridiculous! 3 stars
11/22/08 Shaun Wallner Hilarious Movie! 5 stars
3/05/08 ladavies Shawn and Marlon were not funny. But Crews was the movies highlight. 3 stars
11/28/07 mike people need to get off their high horses. this was some funny shit! 5 stars
11/15/07 Dani It was by far the best movie ever. How cant a person just sit back and laugh hysterically? 5 stars
10/26/07 scbyfn4evr this movie is just racist, it's a double standard that this movie can even exist. 1 stars
6/14/07 Monica Funny shit. If a white man made this movie about a black chick. IT would be fucking funny. 4 stars
6/09/07 Danielle Ophelia Forget the Baldwins...Canada really ought to bomb the Wayanses. 1 stars
9/29/06 Jaz Hamilton this reveiwer goes on about black on white racism, but its like he hates black people! 4 stars
9/12/06 Eden You'll have more fun pouring acid into your eyes. Total crap just isnt low enough 1 stars
8/26/06 Nanni I love this movie, and Marcus, He is HOTT!!!! 5 stars
8/19/06 Beau A hilarious movie, a job well done by the wayans brothers 4 stars
7/31/06 Scotty I, unfortunately, saw this for free; what were they thinking?! 1 stars
7/18/06 ES Unsure how well the two 'girls' would be able to trick their real friends, Not really funny 2 stars
7/14/06 Stanley Thai It's a hilarious movie. Not bad at all. Some people just don't have a sense of humor. 4 stars
7/12/06 David Cohen Wayans, you used to be so funny, what happened to you? 1 stars
4/03/06 adrian Hilarious, some kornyness, but mostly hilarious! 5 stars
4/02/06 JRE if you want good black jokes, watch Chappelle. this sucks 1 stars
3/22/06 katie the best ever v funny 5 stars
3/21/06 Erin AWSOMELY FUNNY/ BF 5 stars
3/12/06 Chris Wilbik Turned it off after 15 minutes was awful. Did finally watch the whole thing, sorry I did. 1 stars
1/15/06 JM Synth Not exactly proud of this, but I laughed a fair bit 4 stars
11/15/05 Sugarfoot I don't know how to say this but..It's even worse than the Wayons movie Glimmer Man! 1 stars
10/31/05 mum absolutely crap 1 stars
9/21/05 Jonathon Holmes shameless sterotyping for laughs, insulting to the audience 1 stars
9/12/05 Total Crap Not FUNNY at all. It has fart jokes and unfunny racist humor. And I LOVE Racist Humor. 1 stars
9/11/05 sarah amazingly funny 5 stars
6/24/05 Weltner This & "Bringin down the House",most racist,anti-White movies of 2004.God bless Hollywood!! 1 stars
6/06/05 Mitch You dumbass Latrell is a basketball player not football try again 5 stars
6/04/05 Denise Gannon i'm waiting for the sequel... BLACK DUDES starring Paris & Nicole. 1 stars
6/02/05 Chris I don't know why,but sometimes the thought of men dressing up as women freaks me out! 3 stars
3/05/05 Carolyn Rathburn It was ok, I wouldn't go see it again 3 stars
3/04/05 Chris Stephens Couldn't make a worse movie if they tried 1 stars
2/27/05 Charlene Javier If not for the Wayans... 3 stars
2/26/05 Darlene Wright Crazy movie 3 stars
2/26/05 Denise funny 3 stars
2/26/05 Theresa Wagner Not what I expected 3 stars
2/24/05 ELI I think I laughed once... They look creepy. 2 stars
1/29/05 Carol Kelly I watched this movie at the dentist. The drilling was more pleasant. 1 stars
12/25/04 Freddy they look nothing like the real white chicks but still somewhat funny 3 stars
11/24/04 ricci ntihn 4 stars
11/23/04 Ed Wood, Jr. Quite possibly one of the most ham-handed, puerile, unfunny cinematic abominations ever. 1 stars
11/23/04 justin funniest movie 5 stars
11/22/04 Bell Girl Only morons and half wits would laugh at this trash. Someone put those Wayon brothers down 1 stars
11/15/04 Monster W. Kung *VOMIT* 1 stars
11/13/04 Gemma Some real funny moments! 4 stars
11/13/04 ainsley H -i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s 5 stars
11/05/04 Raine The ONLY funny scene was Latrell (Crews) singing "A Thousand Miles" - side splitting 2 stars
11/02/04 WatsUp Critics get too serious sometimes. We enjoyed the good laugh, although disgusting at times 4 stars
10/29/04 keith its so good, i'v seen it 4 times and i dont mind seeing it again! 5 stars
10/25/04 Tyrantis Enjoying this movie is like enjoying a Ku Klux Klan march. IT'S RACIST YOU MORONS! 1 stars
10/21/04 Danielle White Chicks was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. It was great! 5 stars
10/15/04 Deadshot Racist peice of crap movie, the western world has become a complete shithole. 1 stars
8/27/04 M Tedious but funny. 3 stars
8/27/04 Ammie Wright I really enjoyed it, it was funny. 5 stars
8/22/04 T Lucier This is a totally laughable comedy that is not meant to be examined too closely. FUNNY! 4 stars
8/07/04 Jason you could tell they were black even with the makeup, it looked like powder shit haha 1 stars
8/06/04 Nikolai Hey let's put black guys in that Vanilla Sky mask to do white-face! Get it? White-face !! 1 stars
8/03/04 Uncle Salty Beyond horseshit. Anyone telling you otherwise is lying. 1 stars
8/03/04 Anthony G you have to be the dumbest fuck in the world if you fall for there bullshit makeup 1 stars
7/28/04 phillip sucks so bad light can not escape 1 stars
7/24/04 Sandy Turynowicz I laughed so hard my eyes were watering! 5 stars
7/20/04 terrance Boring.. you can tell that they were men anyway a waste of good film and a waste of my time 1 stars
7/18/04 Andrew Russell It was an enjoyable film, u cant critise it 4 being unrealistic,was nvr intend 2 b that way 4 stars
7/15/04 S.F Just plain funny in bits. 3 stars
7/14/04 Warren This is the best comedy movie Made since Theres' Something About Mary, Awesome! 5 stars
7/13/04 The More You Know White guys would never walk a mile in a sista's shoes...still doesn't excuse this crap. 2 stars
7/11/04 martin Smith It's both dumb and funny 4 stars
7/08/04 Denise Duspiva some funny moments 3 stars
7/08/04 TWizzle May have been offensive, and crude, but yet still funny as hell. 5 stars
7/07/04 Johnboy dodgeball is a better choice 2 stars
7/07/04 Jennifer This movie was a F+. Very lame comedy at its best!! 1 stars
7/06/04 hispanic mami IT WAS FUNNY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
7/06/04 Talonsoft oh my god what was worse, the makeup, the plot, the "humor"? it was OFFENSIVE 1 stars
7/04/04 Jeff Semlow Please no more Wayans Brother movies! 1 stars
7/04/04 Beyonce209 That Movie was Hilarious! You obviously dont have a sense of Humor! 5 stars
7/03/04 asina I want to make a movie called "Black Chicks", about 2 guys who pretend they're black 1 stars
7/03/04 kpham Oprah Plugging this Movie! If it was named Black Chicks shed call in Jesse Jackson! 1 stars
7/02/04 djacosta Racist piece of shit 1 stars
7/02/04 Lissy I think White Chicks is one of the best and funniest movies i have ever seen. 5 stars
7/02/04 Johnson I liked the movie 5 stars
6/30/04 P Hizzy This movie had me laughing my ass off the whole way through. 5 stars
6/29/04 The Talking Elbow Holy fucking shit people, this is #2 in the box office and people LIKED it. 1 stars
6/29/04 Shylers IT WAS AWSOME 5 stars
6/28/04 StarGzrLilyChk This is flat out thee worst movie I have ever seen 1 stars
6/27/04 Al Johnson Laughed so hard I snorted 5 stars
6/26/04 Wildcarde1 I seen it for fre and i still asked for my money back, an insult to proud african americans 1 stars
6/26/04 John Big pile of cowflop. Moo-moo-moo! 1 stars
6/25/04 Stephen Spielborg It's better than "A.I." 1 stars
6/25/04 Gray better than moores shit but still shit 1 stars
6/25/04 Goad The wayans bros. are the Ed Wood of comedy movies.Every single one of them. 1 stars
6/25/04 Jenny from da block What if 2 white dudes dressed up as 2 black chicks? 1 stars
6/25/04 Brian Who didn't see this crap coming? 1 stars
6/24/04 Help! My Brain Is Still Turned Off! I must contribute my low vote to this total shit movie. 1 stars
6/24/04 melanie They are done, pissed off all white girls 2 stars
6/24/04 MalkNtnt It would be racist if it were two white guys in blackface with a title like: Black Bitches! 1 stars
6/24/04 You've been served That dance seen was good. I love that Tricky song. 2 stars
6/24/04 Neil Couldn't agree more, I also hate the Scary Movie series. 1 stars
6/24/04 chicodude If you pay money to see this movie, you deserve whateve happens to you. 1 stars
6/23/04 Kevin I actually was suprised to say it made me laugh alot for such low humor. Not too bad 4 stars
6/19/04 Ray Horrible 1 stars
6/18/04 Ken You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. 1 stars
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  23-Jun-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 26-Oct-2004



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