Worth A Look: 10.53%
Pretty Bad: 18.42%
Total Crap: 57.89%
1 review, 32 user ratings
by Ryan Arthur
Here's how I imagine the meeting at Warner Brothers when this project got the go ahead.Clueless Exec: OK, this Crichton fella's made us a bundle o' cash with that show with the guy who wrecked Batman on it. Not to mention that tornado movie he sorta wrote. Thank God we own both of 'em.
"If I were a stockholder with Time-Warner, I'd be pissed."
Flunky: Yes sir!
CE: What say we make another movie based on a book of his? I mean, after all, that movie with the dinosaurs did all right, didn't it?
Flunky: Yes sir!
CE: Quit yer asskissing, Flunky. So let's see...we could do Eaters of the D...no, that's taken. There's the Andromed...no, that's been done. How about Cong...no, they did that a few years ago, man that movie sucked...Disclos...nope, Demi Moore's breasts already did that film...Rising Su...shit. What the hell?
Flunky: Sir, what about Sphere? We could put Dustin Hoffman, Samuel L. Jackson and Sharon Stone in it, plus Barry Levinson could direct it.
CE: I see it as an action movie. Has Levinson done action before?
Flunky: No. He's more of a drama guy with the occasional comedy.
CE: Perfect. It'll be just like Tim Burton and action movies...
Flunky: Uh, sir...
CE: Shush. It can't be too action oriented. Let's make it sort of a thriller. That way, the kids might like it. They're into thrillers now.
Flunky: They only like thrillers if they're witty and self-aware.
CE: Screw 'em. As long as they pay $7, I don't care. Cast Queen Latifah and get the urban crowd in there. And make the scary stuff come out of nowhere.
Flunky: How do we explain it, sir?
CE: Explain it?
Flunky: In the story, sir. How do we explain it in the story?
CE: Oh, don't worry about that. By the time the audience realizes they've been duped, the movie'll be over.
I suppose if you're a diehard Crichton fan, you'll want to see it. You'll be disappointed. One of his better novels gets trashed in a jumbled mess. The performances are sketchy (Hoffman and Stone are out of place, particularly as former lovers) and the effects are weak. The story sucks, too (all this stuff is created by our mind!), with one of the worst endings in movie history. As Crichton-based films go, Jurassic Park, regardless of how you feel about that movie, had better effects, and Disclosure had a better story (not coincidentally, that film was also directed by Barry Levinson). Sphere is another Warner Brothers misfire that just isn't worth your time.And where the hell did those sea snake/worm things come from?
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originally posted: 09/11/98 23:35:56