Cherised Moment Number One: Wil Wheaton tearfully pulls a blood sucking leech off his nuts. Cherished Moment Number Two: The credits begin to roll, and I am free to go.I didn't like "Stand By Me." Now, before I explain why I didn't like this picture let me explain a few things about myself. My friends accuse me quite often of being hypercritical, and this is probably true. After a life time of watching shitty movies, I have lost the ability to just sit back and enjoy a movie.
For me to enjoy a movie, there has to be something more than what's on screen. There has to be some meat there, something that will warrant discussion. "Stand By Me" will spark no conversation beyond "Shit, wasn't that pie contenst cool?" "Yeah, man--they were all puking!" And that ends it.
"Stand By Me" operates on a very low moviemaking level. Rob Reiner has thrown in some jammin' oldies, a lot of mild raunch, and, of course, a voiceover. Richard Dreyfus performs the voiceover. At soon as I saw that tight, dickish face (the first person on screen! A curse!), I knew that this movie would suck all ass.
The characters are actually pretty good. Stephen King created these people in "The Body," a novella that was published quite awhile ago. It's Reiner's job to bring the characters to the screen and make them alive, and he fails utterly at this. Aside from River Phoenix, the acting sucks beyond all comprehension. I expect this shit from kids, but the aduults--they all suck, too!
This movie couldn't feel more stilted. There is not one genuine scene in the entire film. It's all forced and painfully unfunny."Stand By Me" tries to be everything to everyone, but it's so hollow and hoary that only the most unsuspecting moviegoer will buy into its cockeyed idea of male bonding. This film is in the running for my least favorite of all time.