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Overall Rating

Awesome: 12.5%
Worth A Look: 6.94%
Average: 25%
Pretty Bad34.72%
Total Crap: 20.83%

7 reviews, 30 user ratings

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Brokedown Palace
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by Slyder

"One of the worst rip-offs I've ever seen"
1 stars

Ok, I usually start with the usual lament, "Why in the blue fuck did I bother to sit through this drek?" One answer: Family. Since the family just wants to get entertained off the TV they'll watch anything that's on. I was entertained in the computer, but I looked too many times to the TV that in the end I found myself watching it. After the movie finished, I wished I just had stayed on the monitor of my comp throughout this film, 'cause it sucked badly. If there's one thing that I cannot tolerate, are rip-offs, and when I saw the bullshit that came out of this film, I wanted to smash the fucking TV, it was fucking lame, too predictable and..... bullshit.

So, two hot, but jackass girls, Alice (Claire Danes) and Darlene (Kate Beckinsale), looking for the best luxurious vacation in their lives, you know how girls are. And they decide to go instead of what was planned, which was Hawaii, they go to Thailand and into one of the shit-infested places of the city. Some luxurious place isnít it? And then they meet some dude called Nick Parks (Daniel Lapaine), and decide to go along with him, to Hong Kong, but then they are stopped in the airport and heroin is found in their luggage, they go to jail, nobody can help then until a lawyer Hank Green (Bill Pullman), tries to help them out for money to get them out of there, though things are as darker as he at first thinks.

First plot hole, why the hell would you go to another city with a stranger without 1) Telling your parents, 2) going with a stranger you don't know shit about still trust anyhow? Are these girls really that dumb? I would love to compare this film with Midnight Express, but I can't, since it wouldn't be fair. Sure I can say "Billy Hayes at least was more intelligent than these two bitches," but no, lets stick to the movie.

But how could you? Almost everything in the plot and I mean EVERYTHING is taken out of this classic, and you can tell. The way the prison looks, how the girls are treated, the bribery and all that shit. How could you not be pissed? There isn't one single piece of originality ANYWHERE in the film, it's too formulaic, and it just follows the same path that hundreds of other prison flicks follow. In fact, I sometimes even think it's even more fucking far away from formulaic, it's a fucking rip-off. It just takes the scenes off every other prison flick and makes it their own. What a boring waste of time. Oh that prison escape scene, oh man, that was laughable sequence, I just wonder if director Jonathan Kaplan was really that brain-dead to come out with such a horrendously stupid sequence? Fuck, a cat would've though out a better escape.

Another thing, the film offers no depth to it's plot, great part of it due to it's clichťs and rip-offs hence the film becomes predictable, and then you know where is it going to be headed at, to a unhappy ending where supposedly it's either going to break your heart or bring a smile to your face, right? Bullshit, I already knew what the hell was going to happen, and instead I felt bored, pissed, and uninterested, and felt that they've stolen two hours of my time. When the movie finished, I just wanted the two girls to die, I didn't give a shit, and in fact I wish that happened, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, I would've liked it, or if not, just spill more shit over it. No, in fact, the entire movie is just DUMB, its SHIT, and I hated every minute of it. Gee, she has a cockroach in her head, Fuck that's the same way I felt, with a fucking cockroach in my head driving me mad, mad, MAD!!! IíM AS MAD AS HELL, AND IíM NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! Wait, thatís another movie.

Everyone that acted in this film sucked, badly. Oh yeah, they cry and rant, and cry even more, sure, great performance, shove a fucking Oscar up their asses!!! I canít understand why would a bunch of talented actors sign themselves up for this sack of shit? Especially Danes, Pullman, and Lou Diamond Phillips, both Danes and Beckinsale annoyed me, and hence another reason why I wanted them to die. Pullman struggles, and seems to act like he doesnít know how to act, like he needs a few slaps from his hot wife to wake him up. Phillips is just stupid in his role as the corrupt politician, and he thinks heís so hotshot, I just wanted to punch him in the face as usual, he plain sucked at it.

In the end, don't even try wasting your money and time in this movie. It's not worth it. There are better prison movies out there, MUCH, MUCH BETTER, than this rotten pile of dung. The only thing good about it is that both Danes and Beckinsale were hot, yeah, hot whores, well, we know their whores anyways, so why care? Look, just do yourself a favor and go watch Midnight Express, since it's a hundred fucking times better than this.... fucking...oh, why bother?

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originally posted: 07/28/01 06:16:21
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User Comments

2/18/10 art IT STINK"S! 1 stars
9/22/08 Shaun Wallner Boring! 2 stars
1/14/07 Dave P. The Royal Thai Police are not as stupid as this movie portrays them. 2 stars
11/18/04 jessica i like it. I vegged out to it. It reminded me of my devilish days as a teenager. 4 stars
10/30/04 Vince Not bad, not great. 4 stars
10/26/04 silver the acting was good, but everything else was bad! what is up with the ending? 1 stars
7/10/04 Confessions Of A Teenage Trauma Queen C'mon Eric, being picky eaters who don't speak Thai is enough to make you "ugly Americans"? 3 stars
3/02/04 Get cast's names right, for pete's sake It's Kate Beckinsale, NOT Beckinsdale! Movie so-so. Depressed see the Thai that binds. 3 stars
9/22/03 Paul I really liked the drama from the director. 5 stars
7/01/03 Dr. Bitterpants Attention next film festival: A double feature with this and "Caged Heat" is a bad idea. 2 stars
5/01/03 WALMART iz KRAP Dis movie wus Krap, but Kate Beckinsale (a name no one's ever heard of) iz still pretty hot 2 stars
5/17/02 Darlene Groetz The movie where Claire Danes became a zombie of the tragic wands. 3 stars
3/28/02 Pretty good! I liked it a lot! But the whole Cockroach thing...GROSS! 5 stars
2/27/02 Good God!!!!!!!! Maybe if this movie was a little less friendhisp & more lesbianism, it coulda not sucked! 2 stars
7/10/01 Piz very engaging and well performed..was a little "out there" at times. 4 stars
6/19/01 hmmm This movie is not about lesbianism you moron, it's about friendship. Grow up. 5 stars
4/25/01 Cruelhuntsman Kate and Amanda make the film special. 5 stars
2/27/01 Peter Lloyd A little bit lightweight, but a very watchable film 4 stars
1/29/01 Ashley Snelgrove This is a wicked movie, this and "save the last dance" are my favorites 5 stars
12/07/00 robyn so sad in the end!! 5 stars
10/02/00 Madoc69 a good cautionary tale of travel and trust 3 stars
3/14/00 brentley Lackluster movie. Rent it if you have no other choice. 2 stars
1/05/00 Joel Harwood What a movie 5 stars
1/02/00 Anthony Burroughs Nothing to brag about here, see it for Claire Danes 3 stars
12/09/99 Mike Nugget Yep...the lump in my throat .....Claire Danes is defintely good at what she does 5 stars
9/05/99 Weird Andy I hoped to see Claire Danes caned. Let down by Hollywood yet again. 2 stars
8/21/99 Tristynn Clare is amazing. Very scary movie..must see for any potential travellers to Asia..WOW!! 4 stars
8/19/99 David U. ( Sucks Ass 1 stars
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  13-Aug-1999 (PG-13)



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