View to a Kill, A

Reviewed By Thom
Posted 10/23/00 10:05:50

"Bombs and Boobs and Horse Races. Typical Bond Fare."
3 stars (Average)

James Bond. played by Roger Moore. Set in San Francisco. Also starring Grace Jones as the FIERCE assassin/bodyguard MayDay. Bad Man wants to steal all the computer chips in the world and then fix the price. James Bond action ensues.

Serious Bond fans may have their quibbles about who was the better Bond and which was the better Bond film, but I did not go see this movie as a Bond fan, but as a fan of Duran Duran, who recorded the theme song and Grace Jones.

I went to the premier of this film. It was a fund raiser for the then mayor Diane Feinstein's wayward youth program. The tickets were 150 dollars each and it was a black tie affair. I was 15, I had no job and Duran Duran, who recorded the theme song and Grace Jones were going to be at the premier. It was THE status event to attend. Rubbing shoulders with rock stars. We don't have rock stars like that anymore. Not real ones. Just coached ones. Or maybe I just don't feel that way about rock stars anymore.

I used to steal purses at nightclubs when I was a teenager. And we stole this one purse and it turned out to be the manager's of the mall store my friend worked at. She had a diaphragm. And she also had two tickets to the premier. Oh My God, The Golden Ticket! I told my partner in crime that since I had taken the initial risk and absconded the bag that the bigger share should be mine and if she didn't agree, she'd just have to pry the tickets out of my cold, dead fingers. What a little asshole I was. I could give a fuck about her when we were talking about the opportunity to meet *swoon* Nick Rhodes (who didn't even show up at the premier).

But then, even after I rented the tux from Selix, promwear supplier to the western world, I had a wave of regret. That stupid wave would come back to haunt me many a time until I turned into a tree-hugging, bleeding-heart lib'ral. So I called the Mayor's office and told them what I told my parents, "I found these tickets". And they said, thank you. And I was bummed and I called my step-mom at work and said "We aren't going." But then a few hours later, someone from the office called back and said she'd like me to be a guest of the mayor for my honesty. WOOHOO! SHOWS BACK ON! I frantically call my step-mom at work again and say "okay, hurry home and change". We got there about 10 minutes before the film was to start so I didn't have that much time to marvel at the mountains of flavored popcorn and shrimp the size of my fist. Nor did I get to rub shoulders with any rock stars, who by that time were hiding safely backstage talking about supermodels and eating strawberries dipped in champagne.

I brought a camera to take pictures of the rock stars. I got back about 24 black photos littered with spots of everyone else's flashbulbs. It was like an orgasm when they brought out the stars out to introduce the film. Cameras were popping off everywhere, including mine. I think I took those 24 pictures in a couple of minutes.

I grabbed a poster on the way out and walked into what I thought was broad daylight but was actually the floodlights lighting the red carpeted entrance, several feet from the barricaded people who didn't have tickets. Duran Duran was the most popular band in the world at that time so there were lots of screaming mimi's outside there and everytime the door opened a ripple of excitement would pass through the crowd. That is a very strange but not overwhelming feeling.

What really intimidated me was the bartender. I asked him how much a coke was. He was amused, I was embarassed. He handed me a coke, I slunk away in shame.

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