Reviewed By Ryan Arthur
Posted 01/20/99 02:27:47

"Ack. Ack, I say."
1 stars (Total Crap)

Horribly implausible and boring as hell. An action movie without action.

Sylvester Stallone plays a hitman named Robert Rath. Antonio Banderas plays a hitman named Miguel Bain. The two end up gunning for each other, then going after the same target, Electra (Julianne Moore). Rath decides to help her, 'cause he likes her cat. Or something. So he plans to steal an assload of cash, with the help of Electra, right out from under Bain's nose. Bain sets himself up with his nifty-looking high-powered rifle in a rickety old hotel accross the street from the bank where Rath's going to make his withdrawl and waits. And waits. And waits.

Then he goes inside to talk to Rath (!), who knows Bain is gonna take a shot at him. They shmooze. Meanwhile, Electra heads into the rickety old hotel and tries to swipe Bain's gun (this was all part of Rath's master plan, you see). She promptly falls through a hole in the floor and gets stuck.

Bain comes back out and gets back in his sniper position and gets ready to take Rath out. Rath, who's been talking to Electra via earpiece the whole time, apparently doesn't hear her when she falls through the floor, and doesn't know Bain still has his gun.

So Rath walks out, briefcase full of cash, in broad daylight, with his hand to his ear, telling Electra he's got the dough and wondering why she's not answering. When lo and behold, he looks up and sees Bain taking aim.

Stop for a second. What do you think will happen? Will Rath duck and cover while Bain takes numerous shots, all just barely missing? Will Rath make a beeline back into the bank? Will Rath use the brifcase as a shield and head across the street to face Bain one on one?

Nope. Rath will stare at Bain. Bain will TALK TO HIMSELF.

The climax isn't important. Hell, the buildup isn't even important. It's a dumb movie. Stallone tries to play it cool, 'cause he's a stone cold killer, you know, he just talks in hushed tones and shows very little emotion. Like understanding him was easy to begin with. Banderas' English is more mushmouth than anything, so we practically need subtitles.

The action is nonexistent, the plot's preposterous (you'd expect more from a story written by Larry and Andy Wachowski, the writers/directors of Bound), and the acting sucks.

Even for a Stallone movie, this one's a stinker.

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