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Overall Rating

Awesome: 11.54%
Worth A Look: 1.92%
Average: 11.54%
Pretty Bad: 28.85%
Total Crap46.15%

6 reviews, 16 user ratings

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See No Evil
[] Buy posters from this movie
by William Goss

"Don't Hate The Slayer, Hate The Lame"
2 stars

A group of teenage delinquents are charged with renovating a historic hotel (read: creaky corridors, hidden passages, two-way mirrors, free continental breakfast, and other creepy conveniences). Little do they know that the hotel is also home to a hulking killer with a penchant for removing his victims’ eyes, presumably to spare them of the greater pain of watching the very movie they occupy, 'See No Evil.'

The eight juvenile criminals include the requisite asshole, token black guy, blonde slut, tofu-munching granola girl, and so on, who just happen to be accompanied by the same cop that lost his arm to and shot at our resident executioner four years before. However, all this exposition takes over a half-hour of pervasive shadow and creeeeeeeeepy noises until the massacre kicks in, but once the sex, swearing, and smoking are underway, the slaying soon follows as the apparently devout and suitably unhygienic sociopath (or is it psychopath?) takes each and every young sinner one by one via axe, hook, and – in a particularly amusing scene – cell phone. (By the way, you’re telling me an ancient dumbwaiter could haul this seven-foot lug? Ah, the magic of movies.) Oh, and we know his previous crimes must be gruesome and atrocious and ten kinds of terrible, because about twelve news reporters tell us within the first five minutes. All at the same time.

Well, if even a former music video/adult film director (Gregory Dark) and a wrestling writer (Dan Madigan) can crank out a banal horror flick, I suppose that anyone can get a greenlight. The majority of the evidently scant budget seems devoted to the dingy set design of the expansive hotel, but Dark finds every excuse to throw in shaky cinematography, chaotic noises, epileptic editing, and shoddy lighting to make up for Madigan's stilted dialogue and flashback filler. (Oh, and the only plot twist? Not very surprising after being used in over 25 years of horror schlock cinema.)

Not helping matters is the lackluster cast of dead meat, each easily disposable and mighty capable of shouting, screaming, and sprinting on cue (man, those auditions must have taken forever). The asshole demeans women and attacks animals, the organic girl is so sensitive, the blonde is so slutty, and the black guy spends more time fascinated with the money that litters the walls of the baddie’s hideout than balking at the jars of freshly plucked eyes littering the room. As far as the grown-ups go, the cop resembles the one-armed love child of William Hurt and Lance Henriksen, straining for a sense of D-list credibility, and Kane proves himself more than talented enough to portray a massive menace who speaks in little more than grunts and slaughters the youth in rather conventional fashion.

However, Dark manages to incorporate minor touches that would seem all the more ridiculous were they not demented distractions from their tepid surroundings. Not only are there plenty of insects, but there is even a shot of humping roaches. A victim doesn’t just fall to their death. They are impaled, and as they plummet, the pipe catches on windowsills and eventually detaches in an almost acrobatic manner. Oh, and THEN the dog begins to urinate on the corpse. It’s those little unpleasant surprises that make you chuckle out of sheer dispair and make the whole affair just slightly stomachable. Then again, since when did being undercharged for a root canal make it any less painful an ordeal?

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originally posted: 05/19/06 16:12:45
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User Comments

10/15/15 David Hollingsworth worst slasher movie ever 1 stars
12/21/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
5/12/08 Bnorm Dude if Kane didnt kill them the AIDS from that nasty ass hotel would have it was gross 2 stars
9/15/07 Indrid Cold Of course it's bad, but there's enough unexpected nastiness to keep things interesting. 2 stars
4/27/07 Total Crap This is the worst horror film ever made, everyone who gave it 5 stars is kidding! 1 stars
12/09/06 Shawn Cimachowicz The best slasher movie ever made!!! 5 stars
8/22/06 dave the movie was fucking great fuck the critics 5 stars
6/17/06 Ben Fuck you, it was badass. the only ones who didn't like it were the dumbass critics 5 stars
5/30/06 Me anyone who says this movie sucked is not a true horror fan 4 stars
5/29/06 Lindsay the movie was so GOOD 5 stars
5/24/06 Cary Cormier Very grafic with lots of gore. Glen Jacobs (Kane) did a awesome job!!! 5 stars
5/23/06 Sunny Good old fashioned slasher movie. 5 stars
5/21/06 seville Just a load of unbelievable shite 1 stars
5/20/06 Blutarsky Ha, you put more effort into your reviews than the filmmakers did into the movie. 1 stars
5/20/06 San Lamar hardly worth renting 2 stars
5/20/06 Sean D Speak no bad movie. See no bad movie! 1 stars
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  19-May-2006 (R)
  DVD: 28-Nov-2006



Directed by
  Gregory Dark

Written by
  Dan Madigan

  Christina Vidal
  Samantha Noble
  Luke Pegler
  Michael J. Pagan
  Steven Vidler

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