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Overall Rating

Worth A Look: 17.16%
Average: 9.7%
Pretty Bad: 5.97%
Total Crap: 25.37%

2 reviews, 122 user ratings

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Beer League
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by Erik Childress

"Better Than Recent Sandler. Not Quite As Recent Stern."
3 stars

SCREENED AT THE 2006 CINEVEGAS FILM FESTIVAL: In a review for the film “Dirty Work”, Artie Lange was once described as having “all the charm of a date rapist.” Norm Macdonald told him that was actually a compliment since a date rapist has to have far more charm than an actual rapist. They actually need to get a date first. That’s an amusing anecdote which Lange told before the world premiere of his first headliner, Beer League, advertised with the tag of “Artie Lange’s” no doubt to draw upon the name recognition he’s established over the past few years as one of Howard Stern’s in-studio cohorts. Those fans blindly following him to the big screen may find disappointment that it doesn’t contain the average laugh quotient of half of Lange’s daily Stern appearances, but its also far less obnoxious than non-fans would expect it to be.

Anyone who doesn’t do a shot with me before the game is a fuckin’ pussy,” is hardly the line to establish Lange as a sensitive male lead. But who said this film was about sensitivity? This film is about Jersey suburbanites who use their local softball league as an excuse to drink all night and avoid their significant others. Artie’s just happens to be his mom (Laurie Metcalf) but we’ll get to that later. Lange plays Artie (DeVanzo), currently unemployed, living at home and harboring a lifetime hatred for rival Dennis Mangenelli (Anthony DeSando), a to-the-hilt goombah running for Mayor and captain of the best slow-pitch softball team in the league.

After the annual dust-up between the two teams on opening day, the Sheriff (Louis “Edgar” Lombardi from 24) decrees that the one with the worst record must take their balls and go play somewhere else next year. Naturally, the situation seems hopeless for the team which also includes Artie’s best friend, Maz (Ralph Macchio), on the verge of getting married; Johnny Trinno (Jimmy Palumbo), constantly bragging about his .700+ batting average; and Dirt (Seymour Cassel), the requisite grizzled, foul-mouthed patriarch of the group.

Using the adjective “foul-mouthed” is pretty redundant when the word “cocksucker” is thrown around like a natural term of endearment at every opportunity. Which is pretty much what I expected Beer League to be; little more than a series of expletives wrapped around a thin story where the slobs smackdown the neater slobs. Well, it’s that too, but not without a fair share of pretty good putdowns (mostly provided by Cassel) and a few situations that give Lange the opportunity to put the Stern persona fans appreciate to good use. While its certainly easy to come up golden compared to the obnoxious Manganelli, Lange and co-writer/director Frank Sebastiano allow him time to earnestly woo Jersey girl, Linda (Cara Buono, recently seen as Imperioli’s new wife on The Sopranos). Albeit with persuasion for blowjobs and handjobs, but a goombah’s got to start somewhere right?

With a little more ingenuity, Beer League could have aspired to be more than just a more profane version of The Bad News Bears (to a tee right up to its climactic finale.) With Macchio being given little to do but be the straight man in the crowd anyway, what about playing “You’re the Best (Around)” during the final game montage or having a pitcher give him a little crane technique and let him acknowledge it with dismay? Other moments, like an ill-planned ride to Macchio’s wedding, fall completely flat and there aren’t quite enough laughs to redeem them all. Hardcore Stern/Lange fans may be a tad more forgiving, appreciating Lange’s selfish side and throwaway moments like the bachelor party even without benefit of a Sybian machine. Most audiences will dismiss it from memory while leaving the theater, but may not regret it as much ejecting it from their DVD player.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 06/24/06 02:00:16
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OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2006 CineVegas Film Festival For more in the 2006 CineVegas Film Festival series, click here.

User Comments

7/17/11 Jack R a self destructing BOMB 1 stars
6/06/11 Dorothy you can go to any small bar and watch the same thing thing 1 stars
6/19/10 Heather why some movies are ever made is beyond me 1 stars
3/27/10 art AH NEW JERSEY what an "EXCITING AND INTERESTING" state!,NOT!!!! 1 stars
7/14/09 Mal Occhio Artie's commentary track is great 3 stars
3/09/08 jbubbles Worst movie ever. Artie should be not seen and not heard. He's beastly. 1 stars
11/05/07 Artie Sucks He sucks and so does his movie. Horrible. I hope he leaves the Stern Show soon. 1 stars
8/01/07 JEFF THE DRUNK Not very funny 2 stars
7/11/07 Verbal Waiting for the Brokeback Beer League sequel 5 stars
6/20/07 aldo I laughed out loud...more than once...which is way above average for a dollar-87 rental. 2 stars
4/13/07 artie's mom sorry artie, i'm a big stern fan... you guys duped us! 1 stars
1/21/07 Hoots I would've prefered to watch Artie sit there while he ate, drank, and snorted drugs. 1 stars
1/16/07 William Goss What you'd call a stinkin' piece of shit. No offense. (Still, better than Benchwarmers.) 1 stars
1/14/07 Bill W Couldn't take more than 15 minutes of it. It sucks! 1 stars
1/09/07 Chris True belly laughs are hard to get in today's comedies...Beer League gives you plenty! 5 stars
1/03/07 Jack Mehoffer I can't wait to see it now the DVD is available 5 stars
10/17/06 Crazy Alice See you in Hell Cock Sucker!!! 4 stars
10/09/06 Howard K. Stern This movie was complete fa fa flunky 1 stars
10/04/06 KC Armstrong NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
10/01/06 Sylvia A great throwback to a time when PC wasen't shoved down everyones throat... non stop funny. 5 stars
9/29/06 missy elliot sucks the big one 1 stars
9/28/06 Dean Wormer Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. 4 stars
9/26/06 Ronnie Mund melds the comic genius of Richard Pryor & Lenny Bruce. bravo!! 5 stars
9/25/06 Joey Boots I was so horny after this movie I had to blow me cat! 5 stars
9/24/06 ClaranceTheCobra Pretty fucking funny 4 stars
9/24/06 James Same old tired unfunny jokes, not worth it 2 stars
9/23/06 Tim Melvin kicked some azzz 5 stars
9/23/06 elegent elliot offen the movie is off the hook...that's gangster talk cunt face! 3 stars
9/21/06 gman sorry 2 stars
9/21/06 Chico the Mailman Hilarious!! A must see!! 5 stars
9/21/06 Former Stern Fan Artie ruined the Stern Show. He simply isn't funny. 1 stars
9/21/06 Jackie Artie's funny but i got 5 houses at the beach!! 3 stars
9/21/06 Dana Glad I dumped him before this bomb (PS the firefighter I went with hated it also) 1 stars
9/21/06 Jim Norton Artie, you are my comedic superior. 5 stars
9/20/06 Dominic Barbara I'm suing Artie to get my money back 1 stars
9/20/06 Gene This is a pathetic film. Lame, unfunny, & crass. 1 stars
9/20/06 Dana Artie, I still can't believe I had to pay 10.00 for a movie I was in.You Loser. 4 stars
9/20/06 peter artie is great on Stern, don't quit your day job 1 stars
9/19/06 Rodger Dodger Being a softball player I LOVED IT ALOT 4 stars
9/19/06 Jimmy Great Movie. I laughed the whole time and I'm not really a Stern fan. 5 stars
9/19/06 dylan Great movie!! Opie & Anthony r fags. still on Howards coat tail 5 stars
9/19/06 Blue Iris Great movie Artie,can I stick my finger in your ass? 5 stars
9/19/06 Ma-Ma-Monkey Batter up! "Bush" stadium is heaven! 4 stars
9/19/06 Karina I love you Artie - I saw your movie and went to see you at the Blackthorne in NJ. 5 stars
9/19/06 Cell9song Arties not funny on Stern and even less funny in this smoldering POS. 1 stars
9/19/06 Little Tiffany Artie isn't funny on the radio. He's even less funny on the big screen. Sorry I wasted $ 1 stars
9/19/06 dan the man this film was great 5 stars
9/18/06 connor peterson i could see middle aged retards getting drunk anywhere for free 1 stars
9/18/06 Howard Stern This movie blew chunks 1 stars
9/18/06 sal governale Hi Im Sal governale this movie SUCKED 1 stars
9/18/06 john fever Movie has a great look to it, some real funny lines 4 stars
9/18/06 Brittney Wells Pathetic 1 stars
9/18/06 ROGER laughed hard, laughed often 5 stars
9/18/06 Dani Woodward Dont waste your money 1 stars
9/18/06 Ramon Modesto Tell artie to stop trying to act straight on film, you can tell he is acting 1 stars
9/18/06 Ben Stern I told you not to be stupid you moron 2 stars
9/18/06 mr. hank kingsley lange should have just not done this and gone to work last summer. less embarrasment 1 stars
9/18/06 mary where has this Jimmy Palumbo been...he needs to be in more movies!!!! 5 stars
9/18/06 mitch that jimmy palumbo very funny, can't hit for sh! 5 stars
9/18/06 Scott I can only laugh at fat drunks in real life. Waste of money 2 stars
9/17/06 Dan from Cherry Hill Love Stern, Love Artie, but this film fell flat 2 stars
9/17/06 Rob from Cleveland Hilarious - like a pig snorting coke 5 stars
9/17/06 James May be the most unoriginal and unfunny movie I've ever seen. 1 stars
9/17/06 crzyroz Great!!!!! Artie is the MAN!!!!! 5 stars
9/17/06 Ramone THIS MOVIE STUNK AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT 1 stars
9/17/06 Redneck Ron Me and my new girlfriend Dana loved it! 5 stars
9/17/06 SteveFromYellowstone Needed more honey 1 stars
9/17/06 Chris Confused this with another movie Beer Fest but it was verry funny 4 stars
9/17/06 KC Armstrong needs more naked man-ass 3 stars
9/17/06 Miterban Isdurty If you like Arties humor, your gonna love the movie! 5 stars
9/17/06 Jim Highe Typically funny Artie Lange 5 stars
9/16/06 JoeFromJersey A must see from any dude who grew up in Jersey. Comedic genious! 5 stars
9/16/06 Genovese 9-15-06 at a 1030 pm showing i was the only 1 in the theatre!!! Pure garbage sorry.... 1 stars
9/16/06 Robin's Colonic Had a great flow to it 5 stars
9/16/06 mike conte Too much swearing for no reason and went no where 1 stars
9/16/06 Jimmy Dagostino I tell ya, joke after joke after joke, a pleasant surprise !! 4 stars
9/16/06 Michael Jackson It needs more young boys... 3 stars
9/16/06 Tony Carmino Palumbo is a fag 1 stars
9/16/06 Bubba Heres the rocked 5 stars
9/16/06 Riley Martin Ah wah tan zen wah! 5 stars
9/16/06 maryannfromb funny movie, even though artie called me a c#nt 4 stars
9/16/06 Bababooey Hello, hello! I think we have a new mega star on the show. 5 stars
9/16/06 polopolo not bad for a stupid drunk 3 stars
9/16/06 Crazy Alice Fucku, fucku, fucku... I liked it, short dick Artie! 5 stars
9/16/06 eduardo very funny 5 stars
9/16/06 Crazy Alice F*ck you, Artie! Hi Fred... 4 stars
9/15/06 Balls Across Your Nose Dogshit...pure dogshit... 1 stars
9/15/06 Reverend Flash Artie Lange is the new John Belushi! (Uh-oh.) 4 stars
9/15/06 Doc Great movie tons of laughs, a MUST SEE FILM!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/15/06 Imas I don't get the hype 1 stars
9/15/06 The Jesus Twins Not as good as I had hoped 2 stars
9/15/06 TwinTurboJay Artie rocks the house....should team up with Sandler next!!!! 5 stars
9/15/06 Billbizness Proud of Artie for makinga fuuny movie, It felt good to laugh 5 stars
9/15/06 The Ocelot Amazing movie 5 stars
9/15/06 Ed Very entertaining, outrageous comedy-must see!!! 5 stars
9/15/06 Stud Boy Wicked Awesome!!!!! 5 stars
9/15/06 Listerner since '86 Movie is pretty good, but not up to expectations. Jackie might have done better even. 3 stars
9/15/06 Walker Much funnier than I expected. Artie is a likeable SOB - movie was a fun laufg ride! 4 stars
9/14/06 cheech Absolutely hillarious 5 stars
9/14/06 Yakki Great flick for anyone 5 stars
9/14/06 jonn from maine that movie rocked 5 stars
8/02/06 Bill Millevoi Extremely Funny!!!!!!Artie is Great 4 stars
7/28/06 David This movie is very entertaining. Just what you would expect from Artie Lange. Don't miss. 5 stars
7/20/06 Frank nonstop laughter 5 stars
7/20/06 Alexander the Great (Big Jimmy Palumbo Fan) Jimmy Palumbo deserves an Oscar for his work. He is truly a master at his craft. 5 stars
7/20/06 tommy pissed my pants... 5 stars
7/20/06 Joan Many good laughs. Jimmy Palumbo great as 1 of the good ole boys & lover of softball. 4 stars
7/20/06 Bob Christiano "I mean its awesome !" 5 stars
7/19/06 LTrain Some funny speech scene very funny. Worth seeing. 4 stars
7/19/06 beth palumbo still laughing!!!! 5 stars
7/19/06 John Henry A must-see for all softballers 5 stars
7/19/06 Joe Palumbo A sleeper hit! 4 stars
7/19/06 Frank Great...we want Beer League II 5 stars
7/19/06 Mary Riccardi Funny movie. Jimmy Palumbo and Anthony DeSando were great in the cast. 5 stars
7/19/06 Jennifer Moran It was hilarious 5 stars
7/17/06 George Lupenski Saw it in Vegas and it rocked! 5 stars
7/05/06 Tony Giovanniello Surprisingly good 5 stars
6/26/06 Jayso Flock This movie was a great surprise 5 stars
6/20/06 kellie loner really funny 5 stars
6/20/06 Alice Hillarious 5 stars
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  15-Sep-2006 (R)
  DVD: 02-Jan-2007



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