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Overall Rating

Awesome: 24%
Worth A Look: 6%
Pretty Bad: 10%
Total Crap: 28%

4 reviews, 26 user ratings

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John Tucker Must Die
[] Buy posters from this movie
by Doug Bentin

"Death by humiliation"
3 stars

It’s hard to describe “John Tucker Must Die” with a stronger phrase then “kind of funny.” It contains laughs aplenty, but it also races off the rails with situations that are more moronic than a book about Rob Schneider’s contributions to world cinema.

The title character, as captain of the basketball team, is his high school’s uberjock. I guess they don’t play football. All the girls are dying to date him, even though they know that he’s the kinda guy that likes to roam around. Still, when he tells each one that she’s his only love, they buy it. His trick is to date girls from different cliques so they won’t talk to each other, then he says that he’s not allowed to date during basketball season so they can’t tell anyone. Director Betty Thomas (“I Spy,” “The Brady Bunch Movie”) agrees with writer Jeff Lowell that the average high school girl is this stupid.

So the head cheerleader, Heather (Ashanti), the school blonde brain, Carrie (Arielle Kebbel), and the hot slut, Beth (Sophia Bush) find out in gym class one day that they are all dating Tucker and he’s handing them each his patented line of bullshit. New girl in school Kate (Brittany Snow) tells them they’re all suckers and should get even with their one and only.

The girls decide to trick Tucker into falling in love with Kate so she can publicly embarrass him and break his heart. This is what is known as teaching teen girls in the audience how to how to wade in the shallow end.

Why is Kate so upset about the relationships among people she doesn’t know and has no reason to care about? Well, her mom (a shockingly subdued Jenny McCarthy who here displays something we never knew she had—a degree of acting talent) has a history of going out with and giving in to a line of losers who love her and leave her. I guess the point is that if you’re attracted to one louse after another, it’s their fault.

So the three experienced Tucker girls teach Kate how to lure Mr. T into her web of sin. Yeah, that’s what it would be if it really existed. Another lesson this movie teaches is that the ultimate reason to date is sex. Some lip service is given to finding out about the other person, and sharing ideas, and old fashioned stuff like that, but it’s made clear that all boys and girls really want is to round the bases and then get back into the batter’s box for another swing at the ball.

“John Tucker Must Die” really isn’t much more than a Teen Movie Greatest Hits collection, with bits from “The Perfect Man,” “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” “She’s All That” and other teen-sex-exploitation cinematic ephemera going back to “Porky’s.”

But as I said at the top, yeah, it has some steady laughs, but it leaves a sour taste in the mouth that is both misogynistic
and man-hating. Maybe these filmmakers just don’t like high school kids. You don’t suppose they’re just hacks, do you?

Yes, it will make you laugh in places, but so will watching some goof take a shot to the cobblers on “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” and you know how cheap you feel when that happens. No, there are no nude-girl-in-shower scenes. Whaddya think this is, “Porky’s IV”? If only.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 08/14/06 07:35:59
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User Comments

8/24/10 Jordan The end made me mad. A cake fight and all is forgiven, sure... 2 stars
1/09/09 Anonymous. john tucker deserved it. 3 stars
5/16/08 Karrie Millheim cute movie. guy cheats and the girls get revenge 4 stars
3/03/07 David Pollastrini All the women in this film are hot! 3 stars
2/19/07 sun shine This movie sucks 5 stars
1/26/07 Sugarfoot John Tucker must die, but so do the producers as well. 1 stars
12/31/06 tanya hernadez i loved it, the producers sure made fortunes on this one!! 5 stars
12/15/06 Samantha This is a moive you can watch over and over..YEAH its just that great 5 stars
11/19/06 Daniel Brown This movie sucks.Why couldn't he just dump her before she dumped him 1 stars
11/15/06 ava hilarious the best 5 stars
11/13/06 cody I saw at friend house, it had lot funny moments, but nothing new man. 3 stars
11/01/06 sofie best film eva - beta than mean girls 5 stars
10/31/06 ES blah-blah-blah no redeeming qualities, one fun moment 2 stars
10/04/06 Baldeadly This was like 'Mean Girls' gone wrong. It was funny and I would defo watch it again 4 stars
9/29/06 Ryann I thought it was a good deminstration of how high school can be.. the plot wasn't exciting 4 stars
9/15/06 Courtney This was the best movie i have seen in a while 5 stars
9/14/06 Lucy Lymonhurst Preposterous,but not enough so for a film whose voice of wisdom is played by Jenny McCarthy 2 stars
9/01/06 Mr Bayg More like, "butt sucka must cry!" ...except for the poontang picture. 2 stars
8/18/06 Tiffany havent seen it yet, but really want to. 5 stars
8/14/06 Corey. Hilarious. Easy on the eyes. :P I love Jesse Metcalfe. 5 stars
8/06/06 Mase Desperatley wants to be Mean girls, closer to the dredful "she's the man". watchable i gues 3 stars
8/06/06 Tonya I loved very funny 5 stars
8/05/06 Jessica really good for teenagers 5 stars
8/05/06 lola well i think it was a great movie since jesse is a flippen sexy!! 5 stars
8/03/06 Eddie robertson Havnt seen it yet but it looks awsome 5 stars
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  28-Jul-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 14-Nov-2006



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