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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.05%
Worth A Look: 6.17%
Average: 29.63%
Pretty Bad: 11.11%
Total Crap37.04%

6 reviews, 45 user ratings

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Marine, The
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by Doug Bentin

"From the halls of Montezuma's Revenge . . ."
3 stars

It’s hard to tell whether or not John Cena, the pro wrestler who has name above the title grandeur in “The Marine,” knows what a silly movie this is. He’s the only one on the screen who is even pretending to take it seriously. That’s the problem with hiring a guy like Robert Patrick to play the lead villain. Patrick, who has wallowed in plenty of it since scoring big as the T-1000 in “Terminator 2” 15 years ago, knows junk when he’s in it and his experience makes him the look-to guy for the rest of the cast rather than the novice Cena or first time director John Bonito.

Cena is John Triton, who has just been cashiered from the corps. for disobeying orders in Iraq. He tries to save lives, which I would see as not so veiled criticism of the war if World Wrestling Entertainment, the film’s producer, weren’t so in-your-face conservative.

On his first day home, he tells wife Kate (Kelly Carlson, a hot blond in early Sharon Stone mode) that he needs to work. This leads to a totally useless scene in which he loses his new job as a security officer in a skyscraper. Why? We will never see again any of the people he meets during this sequence.

He and Kate decide to take an aimless road trip. At a gas station stop, Kate is taken hostage by Rome (Patrick) and his gang of psychopathic diamond thieves. Left behind for dead, Triton comes to and begins to pursue Rome in a borrowed police car, and from this point on it’s all a lot of shooting and blowing stuff up real good.

Abigail Blanca is along as Rome’s skanky gal. She’s the one on board so there will be someone to slap Kate around. Kate’s pretty feisty so we start looking forward to the big cat fight at the end in which Kate will whoop her dark tormentor, but when the moment is right, director Bonito and writers Michel Gallagher and Alan McElroy drop the ball. Unbelievable. Anthony Ray Parker plays Morgan, the token big, not so bright black guy. He’s having a pretty good time overplaying his character’s stupidity so I think Patrick must have let him in on the joke.

The pacing is fast, the stunt work is entertaining if not particularly impressive, and some of the one-liners border being clever. Cena shows more proof of steroid use than he does charisma, but if he’s willing to play the kind of secondary role Parker has here, he might make a “B” movie career for himself. On the scale of wrestlers turned actor, with Roddy Piper at the top and Tor Johnson at the bottom, Cena scores about in the middle.

But the dirty secret of “The Marine” is that it’s Patrick’s movie, not Cena’s. Rome is a bad guy and he knows he is, but he’s having so much fun being a creep it’s impossible not to root for him. I could see Rome being dunked in a tank of chemicals and coming out as one of those glib super heroes with bad attitudes that are so popular in movies right now. He’s too old for it, but it sure would be fun.

Pro wrestler John Cena would like to turn himself into Hollywood’s next big action star, but he won’t do it via this flick. It’s good enough to land him another actioner, but if it’s no better than this, it’s back to the spandex.

“The Marine” is a total time waster, if a sometimes amusing one, and if that’s what you’re looking for right now, go for it. But if you can wait to put it into your Netflix queue, do so. This thing isn’t worth $8 of anybody’s money.

It’s rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violent action, sensuality and language, but the only things that die convincingly are your brain cells.

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originally posted: 10/28/06 04:18:58
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User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell lame 1 stars
1/08/16 David Hollingsworth the worse action movie ever 1 stars
5/08/14 Richard Brandt Heartfelt plea against the perils of rock candy. Just say no, kids. 3 stars
4/15/14 Richard Brandt Robert Patrick obviously having a great time as the villain. Watch out for HARD CANDY!! 3 stars
8/26/13 DB Worst action movie since "XXX" 1 stars
1/22/11 Chris F stick to wrestling john 1 stars
10/26/08 Shaun Wallner Cena.. keep your day job lol 1 stars
8/25/08 flojenkins one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies ever 5 stars
7/30/08 Dime it was what is expected in action films, a bit predictible though 3 stars
5/03/08 Karrie Millheim It was sort of boring to me, good action though 3 stars
11/11/07 hunter a cool action movie with my favorite wreslter john cena is the man 4 stars
11/04/07 Josh Worst movie that has ever been created. 1 stars
8/26/07 njabulo worst movie ever u all dumjmy idiots u americans 1 stars
7/19/07 B Every devildog "Marine" in the nation should be disgusted, I wasted $3.99 on John Cena 1 stars
5/23/07 JohnCena I'm a MARINE!!!! We are going throught it!!! This movie sucked ass 5 stars
3/02/07 Soc Do they still do such shit? Bad advertising for the marin core... 1 stars
2/23/07 cody a pretty darn good action flick, john cena is just awesome, chick fight scene is cool man. 4 stars
2/23/07 Rob Kinda lame but had some good moments and laughs best part was special features 2 stars
2/09/07 Ryan_A Cena's no Rock. Action at its most generic. At least Patrick's having fun. 2 stars
2/05/07 Sugarfoot A huge problem, is this movie intended to be so funny? Or is it that awful? It's a toss up. 2 stars
1/31/07 action movie fan exciting action hostage flick-pays homage to deliverance,southern comfort, shot to kill- 4 stars
1/04/07 Sean Horrible. 1 stars
12/23/06 Monica Cruz this is the best movie evr... well duhh nethign with joh ncen ais awesome... 5 stars
12/18/06 maggie kraler this is the best movie i have ever seen 5 stars
12/14/06 Stephanie i love johncena soo much and i also loved his movie The Marine. He looked really good 5 stars
12/11/06 Wilitza I Love John Cena, I like the Movie. 5 stars
12/06/06 john cena fan you guys are so stupid cena was awsome in that movie you guys are just bullshitin 5 stars
12/05/06 blackhawk just watch it, eventhough i don't like john cena 3 stars
12/05/06 salina this was the best movie you stupid people that said it wasn't good 5 stars
12/03/06 I hate Wrestlers Worst action flick I have ever seen. It's no Commando... 1 stars
12/01/06 Justin Loved it all it only got bad rating cuz the anti cena fans brung it down 5 stars
11/01/06 person this was one of the best movies ever you people that gave it a 3 or lower are retarded 5 stars
10/30/06 Chris A YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS 1 stars
10/24/06 michael wait for the dvd had its moments but the music made it seem like a bad porn without skin 3 stars
10/21/06 Ray I would never have seen this movie from reading the reviews, but it was hilarious. 4 stars
10/18/06 Mark I thought Hollywood stopped makig movies this bad 1 stars
10/17/06 Randy It's no Few Good Men but for a sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride flick, this ones great 5 stars
10/17/06 crissy I think this movie is great for cena's first movie 5 stars
10/16/06 nate They took the Marine name and turned it into a joke 1 stars
10/16/06 Anonymous Bob How could you possibly give this more than 1 star? 1 stars
10/15/06 Shery Typical silly, action flick, as long as you know that about will have fun. 4 stars
10/15/06 C You have to be a dumbass to give this 5 stars 1 stars
10/14/06 Matt Oakland Great action popcorn flick 5 stars
10/14/06 Nick No Good 1 stars
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  13-Oct-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 30-Jan-2007

  DVD: 07-May-2007

  25-Jul-2007 (M)
  DVD: 25-Jul-2007

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