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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.05%
Worth A Look: 6.17%
Average: 29.63%
Pretty Bad: 11.11%
Total Crap37.04%

6 reviews, 45 user ratings

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Marine, The
[] Buy posters from this movie
by William Goss

"Semper Tantrum"
3 stars

It sure doesn’t inspire confidence that 'The Marine' is produced by WWE Films and was withheld from press, as was last May’s Kane-starring slasher 'See No Evil,' but in the face of such underwhelming precedent and the nadir of expectations, 'The Marine' is more or less a gloriously senseless curiosity that harkens back to the eighties – both as a prime time period responsible for similarly petty all-American action vehicles for wrestling superstars, and as an IQ score necessary to fully appreciate the nature of copious explosions and general mayhem.

The laughs start from frame one, as brief credits give way to the title, itself neighbored by a saluting John Cena in full Marine regalia atop an American flag, just there with no additional context or purpose other than to prime viewers for some serious eye-rolling. Soon enough, his character, John Triton, single-handedly takes on Tikrit terrorists and rescues American prisoners, only to be subsequently discharged on indistinct grounds likely related to his above-mentioned ass-kicking tactics. He runs home to his wife (Kelly Carlson), and the pair swiftly embark on an impromptu vacation. They inadvertently run into Rome (Robert Patrick) and his gang of diamond thieves, she gets taken hostage, and he vows to retrieve her, by any combustible means necessary.

It isn’t that The Marine is smarter than it has any right to be, but that it isn’t as outright obtuse as it hypothetically deserves to be. The players don’t kid themselves about what type of picture they’re out to make, and while Cena lacks in the departments of charisma and talent, he can certainly fit the bill as a muscle-bound brute. Besides, it’s been ages since ‘action star’ had to equate with ‘actor’, so he makes a suitable substitute for projects that simply can’t afford The Rock or even Jason Statham to kick ass and take names.

Patrick doesn’t chew the scenery as much as he sits there, constantly licking his lips. He makes for an apt villain, one who simply doesn’t have the time to be pestered by the fact that their hostage’s tenacious hubby would really like the missus back and won’t hesitate to take out a goon or three in the process. When one of said minions compares Triton to the Terminator, Patrick shoots a priceless glare in the rear-view mirror that deserves a better movie to belong in. Every other actor is wholly disposable, and are treated as such, although one certainly wouldn’t give up Carlson (“Nip/Tuck”) without a fight either.

Director John Bonito films the action almost fetishistically, exaggerating every scene to sporadically hysterical degrees, employing plenty of slo-mo pyro effect because one man can just never bound from enough explosions. (Slow motion is employed so frequently that, has the entire film played at regular speed, it’d probably come in under an hour.) There can’t just be a car chase shootout; it has to be the systematic destruction of a police cruiser and the convenient missing of several hundred bullets at one man sans windshield or Kevlar. Fights are mostly bloodless, and deaths often occur off-screen, but for all its PG-13 trappings, its brisk pacing and cockeyed sense of humor prevents the overblown ruckus of it all from resulting in too much brain damage.

Despite the shamelessly gung-ho nature of its advertising campaign, how much one enjoys 'The Marine' doesn’t depend so much on one’s level of patriotism as it depends on their penchant for shit blowin’ up real good.

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originally posted: 10/14/06 10:23:06
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User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell lame 1 stars
1/08/16 David Hollingsworth the worse action movie ever 1 stars
5/08/14 Richard Brandt Heartfelt plea against the perils of rock candy. Just say no, kids. 3 stars
4/15/14 Richard Brandt Robert Patrick obviously having a great time as the villain. Watch out for HARD CANDY!! 3 stars
8/26/13 DB Worst action movie since "XXX" 1 stars
1/22/11 Chris F stick to wrestling john 1 stars
10/26/08 Shaun Wallner Cena.. keep your day job lol 1 stars
8/25/08 flojenkins one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies ever 5 stars
7/30/08 Dime it was what is expected in action films, a bit predictible though 3 stars
5/03/08 Karrie Millheim It was sort of boring to me, good action though 3 stars
11/11/07 hunter a cool action movie with my favorite wreslter john cena is the man 4 stars
11/04/07 Josh Worst movie that has ever been created. 1 stars
8/26/07 njabulo worst movie ever u all dumjmy idiots u americans 1 stars
7/19/07 B Every devildog "Marine" in the nation should be disgusted, I wasted $3.99 on John Cena 1 stars
5/23/07 JohnCena I'm a MARINE!!!! We are going throught it!!! This movie sucked ass 5 stars
3/02/07 Soc Do they still do such shit? Bad advertising for the marin core... 1 stars
2/23/07 cody a pretty darn good action flick, john cena is just awesome, chick fight scene is cool man. 4 stars
2/23/07 Rob Kinda lame but had some good moments and laughs best part was special features 2 stars
2/09/07 Ryan_A Cena's no Rock. Action at its most generic. At least Patrick's having fun. 2 stars
2/05/07 Sugarfoot A huge problem, is this movie intended to be so funny? Or is it that awful? It's a toss up. 2 stars
1/31/07 action movie fan exciting action hostage flick-pays homage to deliverance,southern comfort, shot to kill- 4 stars
1/04/07 Sean Horrible. 1 stars
12/23/06 Monica Cruz this is the best movie evr... well duhh nethign with joh ncen ais awesome... 5 stars
12/18/06 maggie kraler this is the best movie i have ever seen 5 stars
12/14/06 Stephanie i love johncena soo much and i also loved his movie The Marine. He looked really good 5 stars
12/11/06 Wilitza I Love John Cena, I like the Movie. 5 stars
12/06/06 john cena fan you guys are so stupid cena was awsome in that movie you guys are just bullshitin 5 stars
12/05/06 blackhawk just watch it, eventhough i don't like john cena 3 stars
12/05/06 salina this was the best movie you stupid people that said it wasn't good 5 stars
12/03/06 I hate Wrestlers Worst action flick I have ever seen. It's no Commando... 1 stars
12/01/06 Justin Loved it all it only got bad rating cuz the anti cena fans brung it down 5 stars
11/01/06 person this was one of the best movies ever you people that gave it a 3 or lower are retarded 5 stars
10/30/06 Chris A YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS 1 stars
10/24/06 michael wait for the dvd had its moments but the music made it seem like a bad porn without skin 3 stars
10/21/06 Ray I would never have seen this movie from reading the reviews, but it was hilarious. 4 stars
10/18/06 Mark I thought Hollywood stopped makig movies this bad 1 stars
10/17/06 Randy It's no Few Good Men but for a sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride flick, this ones great 5 stars
10/17/06 crissy I think this movie is great for cena's first movie 5 stars
10/16/06 nate They took the Marine name and turned it into a joke 1 stars
10/16/06 Anonymous Bob How could you possibly give this more than 1 star? 1 stars
10/15/06 Shery Typical silly, action flick, as long as you know that about will have fun. 4 stars
10/15/06 C You have to be a dumbass to give this 5 stars 1 stars
10/14/06 Matt Oakland Great action popcorn flick 5 stars
10/14/06 Nick No Good 1 stars
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  13-Oct-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 30-Jan-2007

  DVD: 07-May-2007

  25-Jul-2007 (M)
  DVD: 25-Jul-2007

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