Reviewed By Empress of Ice
Posted 11/14/99 13:33:24

"Sugar, Spice, & Everything Nice? Not these bitches!"
3 stars (Average)

Tight clothes, hot chicks, a highschool setting - what isn't perfect about this movie's appeal to the largely growing marker that is the teenage movie-goer? Sure, it's a trite, hackneyed plot that aims at being the "Heathers" of the nineties but falls a bit short. However, as a grade-B film watched purely for mindless fun, without a belabored examination of plot or continuity, it's a whole lot of fun!

I picked this movie up as a lark - it was on sale for $3.99 and I thought, "it can't suck that bad, and if it does, well, at least it has Rose McGowan in tight fitting sweaters, mini skirts, and cleavage-exposing shirts." So my roomate and I sat down to watch it, armed with saltine crackers so that we would be able to deal with all the cheese that was sure to come our way, but we were pleasantly surprized. The thing about "Jawbreaker" is that you can't really think about it, or else it sucks. It's purely mindless entertainment, much along the lines of other '90s, 'aimed at teen' flicks - "She's all That" being the first to come to mind. "Jawbreaker" is fun - one of those movies that is so bad at times that it seems almost to be making fun of itself. Oh, and did I mention Rose McGowan in tight sweaters?
There is, of course, the whole plot issue. The movie begins with a voice-over, which, as a general rule, is something I can't stand - especially when it turns out to be _completely_ unneccessary. But who's talking here? Who is this omniscient woman who obviously has some weird obsession with the popular girls at her school? Cue the school nerd, complete with drab clothing, long, out-of-style hair. She's carrying books and stumbles, so she must be a geek. I mean, books? in school? so she studies? ew - what a freak! Next, we are treated to a view of color-coordinated high heels, as we pan up several sets of shapely legs to the "popular" girls. Far be it from me to comment, but I find it really amusing that not one of these women could possibly be younger than 25. I guess if you are pretty, it doesn't matter if you have to stay back a couple of years. I tell you this - if people at my highschool looked half as good as the students in this movie, I would have failed a few grades myself!
The reason I went into such detail in describing this opening sequence is that The. same. series. of. shots. of. the popular girls. walking. is repeated. about fifty times. throughout the movie. The rest of the movie should take about ten lines to sum up. It is one of the fab four's (TM - my roomate) birthdays, so the remaining three decide, hey! wouldn't it be a great idea to break into our friend's house, tie her up, and stick her in the (tiny) trunk of our hot convertable? Yeah, great plan says I - damn, why couldn't my friends in high school have been this cool? Gee, maybe because they had brains? I forgot the most important piece of info (like anyone cares) - to shut her up, they gag her. WITH A JAWBREAKER! Because Courtney (played by a wonderfully malicious Rose McGowan), AKA "Satan-in-heels", thought it would be funny. Anyhow, their friend gags on the jawbreaker, and dies. The girls decide to keep quiet about the whole death thing, and make it look like their friend was raped. Great friends, these girls. Wow! I don't know about you, but I never saw that one coming. Long story short - the nerdy girl, Fern (remember her from the opening scene?), finds out what happened - and the bitches offer her a chance to be popular if she keeps her mouth shut. Of course, she jumps at the chance to be popular! These girls are responsible for the murder of their best friend, but hey, they've got dates to the prom! The plot is completed with the one member of the group (Noxema girl Rebecca Gayheart) who wants to come clean and tell the police what happened. Of course, she is immediately ostracized! Much manipulation occurs, till the final showdown at, duh, the Prom! And does the truth ever come out? Does anyone care?
Pam Grier makes an altogether-too-short appearance as a suave detective - and might I suggest watching Foxy Brown or even Jackie Brown as opposed to this piece of colorful crap? So watch it for fun - but don't look for those basic movie contrivances such as a plot that makes sense or any sort of continuity from scene to scene. If you are trying to appeal to teenagers, I guess thought just isn't necessary. Whatever.
Rose Mcgowan's best role since playing 'Amy Blue' in Doom Generation may just make this film worth watching. She plays a wonderful bitch... Unfortunately, though, you really want to root for her - but the evil bitch, according to Hollywood, must die!

This movie requires little to no thought - it's ideal audience would be either 13-year-old males or persons with low IQs. Marilyn Manson as a low-life sleazy bar owner is perhaps the best part of this movie - but even he and Rose can't rescue this doomed vehicle. That's it! I want a 3 million dollar budget right now, cause I know I could come up with a better script. Hell, monkeys could come up with a better script!

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