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Overall Rating

Awesome: 8.7%
Worth A Look: 4.35%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 2.17%
Total Crap84.78%

4 reviews, 22 user ratings

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License to Wed
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by William Goss

"Consider This a Divorce"
1 stars

Fuck 'License to Wed.' Fuck this movie. Fuck every eye-rolling, head-smacking, floor-licking, toe-stubbing, urethra-scraping, soul-sucking, mind-numbing frame of it.

�But, but I like Robin Williams,� you�d say.

I did too, once. It�s hard to deny that the man has his moments, although they�ve only grown fewer and farther between over the years, but over the course of this comedic clusterfuck, one couldn�t possibly fathom that this spastic individual could make someone, anyone laugh even if he did nothing but press play on a copy of Airplane! and left you be.

Worse than that, it�s a relatively sedate Williams rehashing reheated innuendos in the capacity of the diabolical reverend behind a only-in-the-movies marriage prep course for young couples, where the only two topics he fails to jab at are his character�s specific denomination and the nature of his relationship with his chronic partner-in-crime, an equally creepy choir boy (Josh Flitter, as irritating as ever in a movie that matches him).

Yeah, no.

�And isn�t Mandy Moore cute?,� you�d suggest.

Cute? Yes. Capable? On occasion. Comedic? Rarely, and this is coming from someone who enjoyed Saved! and American Dreamz, both in part due to her performances. (Yeah, I�m the one.) Here, she�s relegated to the diet vanilla role of the �ber-sensitive and blissfully unaware fianc�e prone to taking Father Screwball�s word over that of her pending spouse. Pout all you want about it; it seems to work for her.

�What about Jon Krasinski, that guy from �The Office�? He�s funny, right?,� you�d plea.

Most certainly, but alas, his often priceless expressions do him no good as the sole sane character in town and perpetual target of unreasonable humiliations, a role that Ben Stiller and Zach Braff have already left their stench on to only slightly more satisfying effect.

That�s what makes this film so very, very, very excruciating, because not only do you get a cast member from �The Office,� you get three of his co-stars AND a director (Ken Kwapis) from that effortlessly hilarious series. And yet, the five of them combined over the course of ninety minutes doesn�t make for nearly as many laughs as any one of them alone gets over the course of a 22-minute episode. It practically defies the laws of existence, because they�re better than this. Hell, you�re better than this.

�I am?,� you�d ask.

We all are.

It stands to reason that the only ones to blame are those who have yet to demonstrate any aptitude for comedy whatsoever: the screenwriters � Kim Barker, Tim Rasmussen, and Vince Di Meglio � all of whom aptly have more experience with horror shorts than full-length comedies. The premise itself exhibits no substantial potential for laughs to begin with, which makes it all the more aggravating knowing that many of the players are very much capable of genuine comedy. What are they doing in a movie with token black friends, absurd robot babies with defecating capabilities, unwritten wedding vows, misspelled ring inscriptions, a seemingly starved Christine Taylor (also rendered humorless), and one of those youvegottabefuckinkiddingme whiplash-inducing turns in an unfathomably sentimental final reel?

Jesus wept.

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originally posted: 07/14/07 03:26:08
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User Comments

12/12/20 B. Hines 5 stars for the review - 1 star for the movie. Williams is at his creepy worst. 1 stars
1/02/14 james pure bullshit 1 stars
1/08/09 Shaun Wallner Fell asleep to this one. 1 stars
12/15/08 Lee Mr. Sobczynski, you sir, are the man. Perfect review. Shitty movie 5 stars
10/29/07 Mike R. robin williams and mandy moore made a great team loved it!!! 5 STARS 5 stars
10/02/07 Angelica Robin Williams has amply earned a curl right in the middle of his forehead! 1 stars
10/01/07 Shelley Splinters Save a refugee thru marriage of convenience & earn license to make people drive blindfolded 1 stars
9/24/07 Jenna Furr Ayatollah Frank may just be most disgusting movie "hero" ever not played by Ashley Judd. 1 stars
9/21/07 Lauren Mandy Moore musta had lobotomy since being even so charming as to muse on sheep anus eating 1 stars
9/21/07 Lydia Helton "Hero" (yeah, sure) Father Frank actually more resembles a reincarnation of Josef Mengele. 1 stars
9/21/07 Bruce Curb I'd've dumped her AT LEAST by time she so complied with Rev's spell as to drive blindfolded 1 stars
9/20/07 Marcia Lartz Might've worked if priest & altar boy had been half as likeable as Dr. Evil & Mini-Me. 1 stars
9/20/07 Allison Lafferty The little runt's collaboration with Frank's fiendish schemes was especially sickening. 1 stars
9/20/07 The Velcro Warlock I enjoy a good farce, but this is to farce what al-qaeda is to religion. 1 stars
9/04/07 Jill Liked it. Thought it was a good laugh 4 stars
8/14/07 Liz L Enjoyed it, far fetched but a good takeoff. 4 stars
8/02/07 Luisa disappointing...robot babies are funny and creepy 2 stars
7/28/07 Niall Awesome movie 5 stars
7/12/07 D Makes Norbit look uproarious by comparison 1 stars
7/11/07 Marcy Newton Worst movie I ever saw. Jk a total embarrasment. Williams sickened me. 1 stars
7/07/07 John tihis movie was great! you all suck! 5 stars
7/06/07 Anthony G Terrible. 1 stars
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  03-Jul-2007 (PG-13)



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