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Overall Rating

Awesome: 4.41%
Worth A Look: 17.65%
Average: 25%
Pretty Bad: 10.29%
Total Crap42.65%

5 reviews, 38 user ratings

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Friday the 13th (2009)
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by William Goss

"Hack, Slash, Repeat"
3 stars

After almost a dozen sequels and twice as many knock-offs, one would hope that a modern reboot of the 'Friday the 13th' franchise would bring a properly inflated sense of tension and terror to this generation that the original brought to its own. 2003’s 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', 2004’s 'Dawn of the Dead', even 2005’s 'House of Wax' met the criteria in terms of the purely visceral experience, and with no great blasphemy to their predecessors in the process. However, as something old becomes something new, what was eagerly borrowed may leave some blue, because this year’s 'Friday the 13th' – from 'Chainsaw' director Marcus Nispel and producer Michael Bay – looks like a Jason movie, sounds like a Jason movie, knows it’s a Jason movie, and yet settles for being just another Jason movie.

The story sprints past the established lore in fleeting glimpses during the opening credits: when the unsupervised Jason drowned at Camp Crystal Lake one summer, his mother returned to stick it to all those doping, drinking, diddling counselors until finding her rampage stopped by the business end of a machete. Of course, the back-from-the-grave Jason doesn’t take lightly to his mother’s decapitation, and so he picks up the blade and takes off for the nearby woods, eager to eliminate all who stumble upon the campground to this day. And boy, has the camp gone to pot, literally. Our introductory band of buds are hiking their merry way towards an alleged crop of marijuana that happens to be exactly where they shouldn’t, and while it seems unnecessary to have the campfire legend recycled to us by way of the nearly departed, it’s this prologue that gives us the best sense of Jason’s anywhere-everywhere menace and general resourcefulness.

Twenty minutes in and six weeks later, however, we’re introduced to our primary group of victims, a veritable Abercrombie catalog brought to life and sentenced to death, including the rich frat kid (Travis Van Winkle), the reluctant girlfriend (Danielle Panabaker), the African-American guy who won’t stop reminding everyone he’s black (Arlen Escarpeta), the Asian-American dude who won’t stop reminding everyone he’s stoned (Aaron Yoo), and a couple of blonde bimbos (Ryan Hansen and Willa Ford) to round out the body count. (Did I mention there’s this terribly rugged fellow looking for his missing sister that happens to very much resemble Jared Padalecki of "Supernatural" fame? He’s dreamy AND concerned!)

Soon enough, things take their natural course: Jason (Derek Mears, appropriately hulking) wears a dusty hockey mask, for no reason other than to fit the part, and wields a mean machete against the fresh faces, one by one. An admirable favoring of practical effects lends the kills some heft, often rendered suspense-less by Nispel’s efforts to frame every attack as obviously as possible and Bay’s penchant for lens flares as far as the eye can see. The cast members merit little individual mention because their roles require little effort other than to sprint and scream on cue (they’re here to bare their breasts, not their souls), and some errors in consistency as to how their characters seemingly transport themselves as easily as Jason does are likely explained away by the film’s producers boasting online about just how many scenes were snipped and saved for the inevitable unrated cut on DVD (now with more logic!).

It should please the clap-happy, scream-easy masses, and it shouldn’t piss off the most hardcore of fans, but to bring Jason back into the spotlight proper after space escapades and showdowns with Freddy deserves something a bit more intense than this. No matter which way they cut, this incarnation of 'Friday the 13th' makes for one weak day.

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originally posted: 02/13/09 23:41:34
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User Comments

6/11/14 Charles Tatum Predictable, on par with the awful original series 2 stars
9/25/13 David Hollingsworth average remake, but has great kills 3 stars
3/16/12 Sean This was an awesome reboot and it was even more epic seeing it in theaters. 5 stars
10/05/11 Rich Everyone responsible for this movie should get cancer 1 stars
5/30/11 art friday the 13th is a just A COPYCAT of HALLOWEEN! 1 stars
3/14/11 art THIS EXCELLENT REMAKE is an EQUAL to the 1980 ORIGINAL! 5 stars
1/27/11 Danny Not. 2 stars
10/03/10 art A NICE HOMAGE to the FIRST 3 FRIDAY the 13TH"S! 4 stars
1/06/10 art THE 1980 FRIDAY THE 13TH IS A HALL OF FAME horror film!,this remake doesn:t measure up! 1 stars
12/31/09 Maria Atleast it's a little better than the wretched 80s seqels, but thats not saying much. 2 stars
12/21/09 mr.mike Just saw it on Cinemax, not bad at all. 4 stars
9/03/09 art a worthy remake! 4 stars
8/27/09 Laurey Martin It's not great, it's not horrible. Jared is good! 3 stars
8/13/09 Dan Suppose it's ok, though it doesn't hold up well on a 2nd watch 3 stars
8/12/09 gdurso Wanted something different, got more of the same 2 stars
7/23/09 art rated f for forgettable! r 1 stars
7/11/09 CODY A OK REMAKE, but when has jason ever kidnapped somebody and not kill them, not that scary. 3 stars
6/21/09 art it buries the first one,it is ACTUALLY IT"S A REMAKE OF PART"S ONE,TWO,THREE! 4 stars
4/08/09 Marion There was also that completely random To Have and Have Not reference 1 stars
3/22/09 james obrien again why remake this? 2 stars
3/15/09 Scary Movie For better spooky stuff, I would recomend Jareds TV series supernatural. 2 stars
3/14/09 geetus Terrible. Grew up on the orig. series. This one's no fun. No creativity at all. Doesn't fit 1 stars
3/05/09 Aaron Was very pleased with this remake. 4 stars
2/24/09 aliceinwonderland Jason was to human in this one if you ask me... 3 stars
2/23/09 littlered pretty good, not great, wasent scary but made me jump a couple times 3 stars
2/21/09 Jack Sommersby No scares or suspense, and terribly staged and acted. 1 stars
2/19/09 Drew Typical Jason movie 3 stars
2/18/09 David Pretty generic, but still decent for the slasher genre. 3 stars
2/17/09 Todddi Same as always, nothing special if not boring 1 stars
2/16/09 martz well done remake. Best film of the seris probably. 4 stars
2/16/09 IVomitBloodOnSmallChildren Another generic soulless remake..I'm suprised this franchised hasn't been milked dry yet. 1 stars
2/15/09 whentempersflare It wasn't all that great. I'd only recommend it to people who hadn't seen the original 3 stars
2/15/09 Jason Sturges I loved it and have seen it twice 5 stars
2/15/09 Brian Mckay meh, at least it had plenty of titties and gore and was better than "Jason in Space" 3 stars
2/15/09 Anthony Feor This remake is better than any other friday the 13th film out there. 3 stars
2/14/09 Normal Erik Childress, you're nothing more than a dorky little pussy. 2 stars
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  13-Feb-2009 (R)
  DVD: 16-Jun-2009

  13-Feb-2009 (18)

  12-Mar-2009 (R)
  DVD: 16-Jun-2009

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