There's lots of things that would've made this movie better. The writing could've been a little bit more thought out. The direction could've used some direction. But I think the one thing that would've helped this movie the most is if there were no actors or cameras during the actual filming of this movie.There are going to be Spoilers, so don't get pissed if I "ruin" the movie for you. Though there really is no way to ruin this movie. It does it all by itself.
The movie starts out strongly with a bunch of mental patients going....crazy. They kill lots of people and then some more people die. I was beginning to like this movie and hoped it would follow this storyline for the rest of the movie. But of course, it didn't.
Then Geoffrey Rush invites all these people for this birthday party thing, but the people that show up aren't the ones he invited. His wife Fammke Jenson (who plays the raddest bitch)didn't invite them either. So who did? Oooh, it was the house.
So basically the faceless nameless people show up because they were promised a million bucks to stay there (the one catch is that they have to survive the night). I'm not sure why, but for some reason I wanted some whip cream.
After that it pretty much sucks. Chris Kattan is the only person worth listening to. Some of his best lines, "We're gonna die!" and "Are you deaf, the house is gonna kill us!" were golden. He drinks a lot and actually has the right idea. Whenever somdbody goes down to the creepy basement they die. Go figure. If they just stayed up by the bar and drank all night and had a raging orgy they all would've lived. Everybody knows that.
I have to admit there was one thing that was scary in this movie.
Peter Gallagher's eyebrows.
I kept imagining that they were the evil and that they would simply grow off his face and attack the other people. Man, if only they would've made the eyebrows of Peter Gallagher the evil monster this would've been the greatest horror movie ever.
But of course that also didn't happen. What we're treated to instead is the most insulting, pathetic excuse for an evil spirit. It's this big black piece of shit that goes around saying shit like, "The Doctor is in!" What the fuck is that?! Man, I'd be so lucky for something like that to murder me! At least I'd go out laughing my ass off.
Anything would've been better. A bunch of pirates suddenly storming the house would've sufficed. Or what's wrong with Satan? Or robots? Or heshens? Or a Robot Heshen Satan? C'mon people this is basic stuff.
I suppose the only other scene that's worth a shit is the rollercoaster scene. It basically scares the people into thinking that the roller coaster is going to derail. Ha ha, serves those humans right.I hated this movie because it tricked me. It was like this horrible, horrible blow job. It left me wanting more but at the same time, so disgusted I just wanted to run, far, far away.