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Overall Rating

Awesome: 14.74%
Worth A Look: 12.63%
Average: 13.68%
Pretty Bad36.84%
Total Crap: 22.11%

6 reviews, 59 user ratings

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Runaway Bride
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by Chris Parry

"This puppy stinks."
2 stars

Okay, so your mom loved it. And your little sister gets giddy just thinking about it. Is any further proof required that this film is a big fat stinkeroo? Runaway Bride is that very 90's kind of feature film that starts with a pair of big name stars and works backwards. Instead of having a real theme worth making a film about, you have two tried and tested drawcards standing around while the writers and director try to build around them that isn't too expensive, isn't too offensive and isn't too taxing on the brains of those yuckerheads who forked out money to see it. Runaway Bride won't kill you. But it'll stay in your head for about three and a half seconds once it's done.

Amdist the crud, it must be said that neither Julia Roberts nor Richard Gere suck in the lead roles. In fact, Roberts is quite the handy comedic femme. Not in a Joan Cusack way (who is also well worth watching in this film) but more in that "ain't she got a nice laugh" kinda way. She's content to be self-deprecating, she's always on the button with reactions, hell she even adlibs every now and then.
Gere, well Gere is an enigma. He'll give you greatness (American Gigolo, Breathless) then he'll sleep through the next three roles (Red Corner, Primal Fear). In this, he's trying to be awake, but the script is eight hundred gallons of hot cocoa. He's got sleep forced upon him and no amount of comedy is gonna stop those eyes from a-shuttin'.
The story is simple. Gere is a newspaper columnist. Julia ditches grooms a lot. A chance meeting with one of these grooms in a bar sees Gere portraying Julia in his column as a heartless harpie, which sees her write a grumpy letter to the editor and, as a result, Gere loses his job.
There's your first suspension of disbelief situation. If there was the slightest chance in hell that a journalist could be fired from one negative letter to the ed, none of us would be working. Heck, I'd be writing the little suckers all day long if I could get a few people who shall remain nameless out of their jobs.
But I digress...
Dicky wants his job back, so he visits smalltown Julia, who is once more engaged to wed, to prove that she's, in the words of Doctor Evil, eville.
Hey. Do ya think they might, you know, fall for each other? They couldn't, could they? Two people who hate each other falling in love? But that NEVER happens in romantic comedies!
Be fucked it never happens. It happens more often than I get laid. It happens more often than MikeF washes his hair. It happens more often than... something that happens a lot.
The crux of the problem here is that THIS FILM STINKS. The story stinks (Message In A Bottle already did this 'journalist tracking down subject and falling for them' routine earlier this year), the dialogue is unexciting at best, and the reliance of that annoying as all damn hell piano plonking score ALL THE WAY THROUGH the damn movie just about drove me to shoving my car keys into the roof of my mouth to dull the pain.

Take the cancer kids out of Patch Adams, replace them with a copy of Pretty Woman. You are left with Runaway Bride. And it's so damn sugary it'll make you want to brush your teeth.

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originally posted: 09/02/99 02:29:40
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User Comments

6/23/18 Suzanne I just love this movie and the two stars. 5 stars
7/03/11 Yvette My friend dragged me to the theater to see this and I wasn't impressed. 2 stars
4/03/09 Dane Youssef Impossible to swallow, believe or care about. Patronizing crap for the dumbest of women. 1 stars
2/18/08 Pamela White very true how women change thinking men want thaem to. 5 stars
12/22/05 cody a good story and good acting, everything else stunk bad and julia's worst movie yet 2 stars
10/01/05 Michael Candy-covered poisin in a nice package 3 stars
6/27/05 Doremimi Wow. Two-plus hours of my life that I can never get back. Can I sue? 2 stars
12/05/04 Kristina Williams Why women love Julia the HORSEFACE is beyond me. 1 stars
8/19/04 courtney i agree with butterbean on making a Pretty Woman 2 but still a great movie with a great end 4 stars
7/05/04 Emma Stewart quite a goood film but more of a 'chic flick' 4 stars
4/26/04 Maria Evans Loved the film, just great made me laugh loads at ike 5 stars
6/17/03 Erin Stupid. love Julia Roberts but this made me wonder why. doesn't compare to pretty woman 2 stars
3/21/03 Jack Sommersby Charming performances and good dialogue can't rescue mediocre story. 2 stars
8/08/02 I Can't Swim The day Julia retires, movies will automatically improve drastically 1 stars
6/12/02 hilarydsur worth a look 4 stars
4/28/02 Butterbean They made a shit movie instead of making a Pretty Woman 2. 2 stars
3/25/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) They shoulda just called this "The Julia Roberts Story". Or just watch A&E's Bio. same crap 2 stars
1/25/02 Carla Metzger Bearable until Maggie Crapenter runs out on one wedding too many 2 stars
1/06/02 Andrew Carden The First 10 Minutes Spoils You, and Afterwards, It Comes Tumbling Down. 2 stars
11/12/01 daniboy worse movie ever 1 stars
11/12/01 Gracy Lionheart UGH!!! I had to fight falling asleep. Stereotypical Julia Roberts movie...ugh. 1 stars
10/09/01 Jill I loved it! It is sweet and not afraid to show it! We need more light-hearted movies todayi 5 stars
6/26/01 Tzila Seewald CUTE! 4 stars
3/26/01 rafiy issa 5 stars
3/08/01 Sanja I want back wasted time of my life! 1 stars
3/01/01 Stephen It was AWESOME. 5 stars
12/28/00 Turtle Richard Gere's best movie I've seen. 5 stars
8/25/00 Terrie Smith Not nearly as good as 1990's "Pretty Woman"; charisma between the two is not there. 3 stars
6/09/00 Fishsticks Flat, moderately charming and decidely fluffy rom-com. 2 stars
4/04/00 yankee Roberts can't act, support is o.k., too predicted. snake dance was the best part 3 stars
3/16/00 fire-n-ice good if you have nothing else to watch 4 stars
3/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Gere & Roberts fall in love all over again. Who gives a rat's ass? 2 stars
2/29/00 Jed Well this better than some of the other richard gere films out there. 4 stars
12/10/99 Paul A feel good comedy 5 stars
10/27/99 Katherine I have LOVED so much this movie ! So romantic 5 stars
10/04/99 Lindsey This was a cute movie, I only went because my friends were going, but it turned out good!!! 4 stars
9/21/99 Britt A feel good movie with some predicted laughs." 4 stars
9/20/99 Weird Andy Voight kicks ass. A first rate...oh, I thought this was a review for Runaway TRAIN. Sorry. 2 stars
9/05/99 voyant The fun, lighthearted fluff it's meant to be. 4 stars
9/03/99 godsdog Lame-ass, predictable humor. Follow-the-template writing. Paint by numbers, anyone? 3 stars
9/02/99 PhilmPhreak It pisses me off that I paid money to see this - oh wait, I snuck in - still sucked 2 stars
8/27/99 Meepos Seriously lacking integrity. Typical Garry Marshall syrup. 1 stars
8/22/99 funky chick not as good as notting hill 3 stars
8/14/99 JimBob Wouldnt I like to be the reason she has a headboard headache?!?!!!? 5 stars
8/14/99 Deanna You wanted maybe Anna Karenina? getthefuckoutta here!! Eye Candy and Charming 'Nuf for me 4 stars
8/12/99 Ryan The best movie I've seen this year! 5 stars
8/11/99 Vampyre9mm I would have liked it better if Julia Roberts was a hooker again. I want my money back. 2 stars
8/10/99 Jill Predictable and unrealistic 2 stars
8/05/99 Ken Gelineau Julia Roberts makes a better whore than a wife. Maybe that is why she keeps running away f 2 stars
8/05/99 Lauren Alvarez I really liked the movie. I thought it was funny! 5 stars
8/03/99 Jenn (Chuck) this movie was so adorable. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are so cute together! I love it! 5 stars
8/02/99 Weird Andy Pretty people falling in love. Where's my 9mm? 2 stars
8/01/99 Laura Its a sweet and funny movie, not nearly as good as pretty woman, but still worth seeing. 4 stars
8/01/99 Malbert A little disappointing, but there were some good parts 3 stars
8/01/99 jenn "Blu Smrf" this is a must see for any romance lovers out there, take your dates to this movie!!! 5 stars
8/01/99 buddy not that bad, love that Julia. 4 stars
7/31/99 bucky do not let your sappy hallmark lovin' girlfriend drag you to this , its worse than the last 1 stars
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  26-Aug-1999 (PG)

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