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Overall Rating

Awesome: 3.57%
Worth A Look: 7.14%
Pretty Bad: 28.57%
Total Crap30.36%

4 reviews, 32 user ratings

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Someone Like You
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by Chris Parry

"As hypocritical and predictable as any film I've ever seen."
1 stars

Holy cow, did anyone even grade this script before they greenlit it? Here's the breakdown. Ashley Judd is a TV talk show producer who thinks men are animals. Then she dates a guy who has a girlfriend. Then when he goes back to his girlfriend, we're supposed to hate him, because Ashley does. Excuse me? She's knowingly shagging some other woman's man and we're supposed to hate HIM? Then there's the guy she lives with who is like a rat up a drainpipe with a new girl every night, but hey, he's a funny, caring guy deep down. So can you guess who Ashley will end up with? If you can't, don't worry. Second grade will be fun for you.

I can't ruly crucify this film without giving away spoilers, and spoilers really piss me off, so if you actually plan on going to see this film at any time in the future (which is unlikely given that I was the onla person in the screening I saw), this is fair notice to hit the back button right now and don't look at this review. Because this will be no review - this will be a disection. A desecration even. I plan to slam this infantile piece of poopy from top to bottom, inside and out. And I will give away every piece of it.

Okay then, spoiler time.

Right, so I told you the basics already - Ashley falls for workmate who is dating someone else. They screw for six months, then he decides to dump her and not his real girlfriend. This, we're led to think, is eville of him. He's a pig, because rather than dump his girlfriend he dumped his mistress. THE SWINE!

Wait a second.. why is he a swine? Well, because he left Ashley when she had already given notice on her apartment to move in with him. So she needs to find a new apartment. And because clearly Ashley is pure while his actual girlfriend is just some... chick. So eeeeeeeeeeeeeeville Greg Kinnear, you bastard, we hate you. Hiss! Hiss!

Meanwhile, Hugh Jackman is the classic root-rat. He's giving it to a new chick every night of the week and he's okay with that because he says "Hey, they know what I am, I don't make any promises." Well, okay, he seems to be a rational gent. Not like that 'bastard' who went back to his girlfriend.

At least that's what the writers of this drivel THINK you will think. But you don't. You think, you know, both these guysare foul creatures who I wouldn't want my sister going anywhere near, thank you very much, and Ashley Judd is no catch herself because she has a flappy neck and for some reason has to walk about in her underwear in half the scenes of EVERY movie she's in. And she's from Kentucky, which indicates 'single gene pool' breeding processes going back generations.

And what of Hugh Jackman. They must have had this kid walking on boxes throughout the film, because he looked like he was about eighteen feet tall. Granted, Judd is about three foot tall due to that inbreeding mentioned earlier leaving her with no shins, but for some reason it irked me that he was headbutting ceiling fans. What irked me more was the interminable American accent they made this perfectly likeable Australian endure. Hollywood does the same thing with Toni Collette every time. Nope, sorry, can't use your normal voice, have to pretend you're American. I mean, hell, if Kevin Costner can use an American accent playing Robin Hood, surely an Australian actor can use his regular accent playing a bed-hopping slut. It's not like such behavior would be out of character for an Australian male...

This movie is booooooooooooooooooooooooooring. Nothing happens that you believe, care about, wish was reality or get any insight from. It's honestly the most underachieving, pointless, most ridiculous date film since Runaway Bride. No, go past Runaway Bride, this film is the worst since Autumn In New York. There's just nothing to it. If it were on TV, it would be considered awful, but for the big screen this is just so much pap.

It's just blah, you know? Love by numbers with a backstory that couldn't have rightly made sense when it was pitched. A case of a movie rushed out to beat the oncoming actors' and writers' strike? Perhaps. More likely just a star vehivle hoping to cash in on Judd and any residual geek factor left on Jackman after X-Men. Granted, the dude can act. But if his agent is trying to hurt his career, he's doing a good job. First an aShley judd movie, and he's got a John Travolta movie, Swordfish, coming after that. I mean, if you were hell-bent on wrecking a guy's career, wouldn't you put him in a Judd movie and a Travolta movie? Me too.

But you know what really irks me about this romantic misfire? People will watch it and say "oh, you know, it was okay. It was fun, I guess."

WRONG ANSWER! What does it take to annoy you people? I mean, God, people, quit being so fast to accept something you'd not watch all the way through on TV as being worth your eight bucks in a cinema! Demand better! Demand interesting stories and realistic characters and a little bit of effort!

In closing, I traveled quite some distance for a day at the movies, but after seeing this one first, I couldn't bring myself to sit through anything else. I went home and... just sat. If the sexual chemistry of Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman hadn't left me so dry, I might have wept. But instead I just sat.

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originally posted: 04/17/01 04:38:44
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User Comments

1/25/17 Suzanne Weak plot, but Ashley and Hugh ARE cute together 3 stars
1/28/10 Luisa Good chick flick 4 stars
12/07/07 Gigi This is a fantastic movie; and any movie critic who calls this crap IS fooling himself. 4 stars
10/24/04 Jenna Furr Cock-and-bull theory shows up Trashley Dudd as a sore loser. 1 stars
9/14/04 Marvin Totally lame, but TWISTED makes me pine for this the good ol days of Ashley Judd's career! 2 stars
4/26/04 Wendy Jones How does a total crap film have a saving grace, Jack Somersby? 2 stars
3/30/04 Faustus It is what it is. Nothing earth-shattering, but nothing totally offensive, either. 3 stars
11/25/03 Ernestine Ashley Judd is an overrated skank with a brattitude. 2 stars
7/25/03 Shadaan Feleli Except for the totaly pointless talkshow ending sequence i loved the film. 4 stars
7/12/03 Sixteen Yoke of Oxygen Actually Eric, "date movie" means the last kind of movie I'd wanna be stuck with a date at! 2 stars
4/25/03 Valerie Cameron How can Ashley Judd be so anal-retentive! Does she use Krazy Glue? 2 stars
4/17/03 Y. Roger Gregory And they say Ashley Crudd is gonna be in four films in 2002. Groan, groan! 2 stars
4/08/03 Jack Sommersby Pandering-down-to-and-audience dreck. Jackman is film's saving grace. 1 stars
4/02/03 Jenna Furr Cock-and-bull theory shows up Trashley Dudd as a sore loser. 1 stars
10/10/02 TheOthersFan sad 2 stars
9/04/02 The Chronic Mastubator I truly despise Ashley Judd. She can't act for shit, and this movie is equally fucking lame 1 stars
9/02/02 AshFan Hugh Jackman's cool, and it has laughs, but it's a chick flick. 3 stars
8/11/02 karen goldstein I normaly like these lame girly movies but this one is waaaay too pathetic! 1 stars
6/11/02 Me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........... 1 stars
4/26/02 AgentDS Threee words: Hugh Jackman shirtless. 'Nuff Said. 5 stars
3/16/02 Y. Roger Gregory And they say Ashley Crudd is gonna be in four films in 2002. Groan, groan! 2 stars
1/27/02 Valerie Cameron How can Ashley Judd be so anal-retentive? Does she use Krazy glue? 2 stars
1/04/02 KMG Hugh, forget your wife,,,spread my legs and put your hot 9 incher in my puss! 3 stars
7/26/01 Clara was pretty bad, took a nose dive in the last 10min. and i usually like romantic comedys 2 stars
5/15/01 MARK J. INGEMI I saw the movie twice , & I thought that the entire cast gave a wonderful performace. 5 stars
4/17/01 Truth Will Set You Free Ahhh, Judd has very curvy body. I love the way her beautiful ass curves. 1 stars
4/17/01 JustJeff I'd rather watch Greg Kinnear cheat with Hugh Jackman - this movie sucked my left nut. 1 stars
4/13/01 MJA Ashley Judd callsin her performance in this ultra-formulaic piece of garbage. 1 stars
4/06/01 jay Ashley Judd carries this ideal date movie . 4 stars
4/04/01 Katsat Judd & Jackman very charming & appealing but story & direction lacking. 3 stars
4/01/01 James Ashley Judd needs play roles where she is mute 1 stars
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  12-Jul-2001 (M)

Directed by
  Tony Goldwyn

Written by
  Elizabeth Chandler

  Ashley Judd
  Greg Kinnear
  Hugh Jackman
  Ellen Barkin
  Marisa Tomei
  Hugh Downs

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