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Overall Rating
2.62

Awesome: 16.56%
Worth A Look: 17.2%
Average: 15.92%
Pretty Bad: 12.74%
Total Crap37.58%

12 reviews, 85 user ratings


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Coyote Ugly
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Chris Parry

"I am empowered! Ooh, I hear music. Excuse me while I wet down my t-shirt..."
1 stars

When you look up 'hypocrisy' in the dictionary, if there's a picture of a woman astride a bar with a wet t-shirt and with the head of a bar patron shoved between her shirt potatoes, don't be surprised. It's a picture from Coyote Ugly, perhaps one of the most brazen attempts Hollywood has ever made at having it both ways. Which is I'm sure what they made the original screenwriter do.. if you know what I mean. Ew.

Piper Perabo is a rural girl who has come to the big smoke to make her fortune as a songwriter. Because you can't write songs at home, you have to do it in a fleabox studio apartment in New York or you're just not really a songwriter. Cockroaches crawling up your wall make your songs better, dontcha know.

But along the path to songwriting glory, Ms Perabo encounters a weird bar where the bar-gals dance atop the serving area and spray the patrons with soda and wet themselves down so they're all slinky and insult the patrons. And of course, the patrons dig it, because we all know that the public has a deep down desire to be treated like shit. If I'm wrong, you explain to me why millions of Americans use Sprint as their long distance phone provider.

That's right, this is the first film review in history that's ever mentioned long distance phone companies. You've just seen history. Move along.

So Pooper.. sorry, I mean "Piper" Perabo (who you'd expect must have at least once in her life 'picked a peck of pickled peppers') joins the crew at Coyote Ugly and becomes one of the girls who shakes her poon while serving drinks (which never seem to be more than squirts of random colored liquid into a spirit glass with a shovel of ice, and correct change never seems to be an issue). Far from turning her into a ho-bag, a skank, or a 'flat-out hoo-er' (as they say in Scotland), waving her perky pieces to the patrons seems to empower the Piper. She turns into He-Girl and starts kicking ass at everything she does. Who knew that all I needed to do was pull a 'teabag' on one of the regulars at my local and drench them with diet Dr Pepper and all my dreams would come true?

John Goodman plays P.P's (haha, even her initial say pee pee) suburban dad, who unsurprisingly is a toll booth attendant. Because toll booth attendant's are the most incredibly boring unsatisfied people in the world, right? Other than Hollywood screenwriters, who clearly can't do anything by halves, they have to poke you in the eye with their subtlety...

Adam Garcia gets to play The Pooper's boyfriend, which is unremarkable except for the fact that they allow him to actually keep his Australian accent, which only happens in Mad Max and Crocodile Dundee usually. Other than the accent, he's easily forgettable, just like virtually everyone in this retarded flick.

I mean, not to harp on the point, but you empower youself by NOT pointing to your jubblies and wiggling them to an audience. Anna Nicole Smith anyone? Hello? What next? Are we going to award Nobel Prizes to the TV newsreader with the best arse? Is the Christian faith suffering a lack of acceptance by young people because nuns don't go out shagging on a Saturday night? Did Maya Angelou gain the respect of the people by shooting ping pong balls out from her mudflaps?

Put simply, this celluloid toss-pot will be quickly forgotten, much like senorita Perabo, and the paycheck that John Goodman was obviously out for. Rent it. Own it. Then wipe your backside with it and read a frickin' book, 'girlfriend'.

link directly to this review at https://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=1876&reviewer=1
originally posted: 11/25/01 16:01:20
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User Comments

3/16/14 who well said. pathetic movie that insults both men and women, assuming everyone is too stupid 1 stars
4/05/10 art THIS film is PATHETIC!,JUST like new jersey! 1 stars
3/18/10 PAUL SHORTT ROUTINE FANTASY/FLUFF 2 stars
5/12/09 Cody Fantastic movie. 5 stars
5/01/09 hannah omg this reviewer is an idiot! adam garcia is AUSTRALIAN douche bag! get ur facts right!! 3 stars
10/05/08 leeyoonkyoung Nose bedspread reel writing ruth loop countlessly, it saw. It is a movie of true top! 5 stars
9/04/08 Rachel I should be saying this is terrible, but I can't help but kinda loving this one. 4 stars
8/02/08 conch tangco omg im addictive to it its the best 5 stars
4/04/07 David Pollastrini Piper Perabo is hot in this! 3 stars
1/27/07 Tamara Leonard I loved the movie to own it.. Have watched countless times. 5 stars
11/29/06 amanda FANTASTIC movie! by far one of my favorites. 5 stars
8/13/06 Ari Horrible Movie 1 stars
5/26/06 Michele fun 4 stars
8/27/05 ES Women act like sluts to sell booze and survive in a man's world and that's awesome? 2 stars
7/06/05 gothboy02 great i like the chick /main 4 stars
6/07/05 y2mckay Why is it that all the "Awesome" comments are from women? Are you really all that stupid? 1 stars
12/10/04 Jason Kaul Royal crap. Wearing a crown of shit and all. But it made a ton of money 1 stars
7/17/04 legend Had low expectations but was pleasantly surprised by such a decent film. 4 stars
7/06/04 Sammi Hella awesome movie...loved everything about it! 5 stars
6/19/04 Denise Duspiva Fun 5 stars
5/28/04 cfdfsdfsd cool 5 stars
5/07/04 wylene Boring story line 1 stars
4/15/04 Veronica Ramirez It's a pretty good movie 5 stars
4/10/04 Michelle Good songs, good story, good actors, the movie was gr8! 5 stars
3/03/04 Blondy i loved it!! wanna move 2 new york now + become a coyote :) 5 stars
2/14/04 I Would Go and get some real porn you wimps 1 stars
1/20/04 michel Will be remembered as a cult classic in the "so bad it's hilarious" category 4 stars
10/21/03 Hayley M IT is the best film i have ever seen. ITs wicked.And jack whoever you are it is COOOOOOL! 5 stars
6/23/03 Gemma kavanagh I thought it was wicked 5 stars
4/29/03 jeffrey amon this movie is great!!!! 5 stars
4/04/03 Jack Bourbon May I have your attention: WHERE WERE THE TITS? 2 stars
3/05/03 Robert Cooley if you miss this, you will live 3 stars
1/28/03 Pinkline Jones Don't watch this film if you're contemplating suicide 1 stars
7/25/02 palaboy101 I was expecting this to be UGLY but it AIN'T! 4 stars
5/23/02 Janx Besides Goodman, nobody in this movie can act worth a damn! No nudity either. Pure Shit 1 stars
5/15/02 Blake This movie deserves a 10 out of 10, it was so great. 5 stars
4/03/02 toya movie was great had a message tellin that u can do ne thing when u achive n go for it. 5 stars
4/02/02 Vitality1 Whoa! This movie has more bad acting than a Dawson's Creek episode!! 1 stars
3/25/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) This movies only objective: make teen boys hard; con teen girls out of $ w/ B.S. storyline 1 stars
2/28/02 Alan Smithee Nothing but a wanna-be T&A film for teenage boys. Hot chicks though......... 1 stars
2/14/02 Bob Marley never seen it 5 stars
2/02/02 trtrrt rtertrt 5 stars
1/21/02 Spencer Lent I thought it was going to be dumb but it was pretty good. 4 stars
12/04/01 Andrew Carden My IQ Dropped 50 Points After Watching This Mindless Crap. 1 stars
12/01/01 Mr Math I'm dumber for having seen it. 1 stars
11/25/01 the Grinch "..both ways. Which is I'm sure what they made the original screenwriter "Ha! Oz, u r KING! 1 stars
11/25/01 Senor Pescolido Really really generic and bad. At least if you're going to tease, show some skin. 2 stars
8/19/01 Dr. Thompson A textbook example of why american women suck 1 stars
8/13/01 Ken Like a really shitty TV movie, but rated R. 1 stars
8/03/01 Chris K. Sex films are dead! And COYOTE UGLY is one of those "bad sex films" 1 stars
7/29/01 Jennifer Gaissert It's not Shakespeare, but it's cute 3 stars
7/29/01 yop l 5 stars
7/17/01 Elvisfan All plot points are in the form of brick walls falling on innocent viewers 1 stars
5/12/01 Chris The DVD has a montage of the best scenes - it lasts a little over a minute! 1 stars
4/24/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) I'm a bartender, and if I were to pull some of these hijinks I'd be SO out on my arse... 3 stars
4/20/01 i love movies SHOWGIRLS without the jiggly! how bad can it get? 1 stars
4/16/01 Tam Cute, entertaining film with amazing bar scenes but a predictable plot. Kevin is sooo sexy! 4 stars
4/03/01 AgentDS It's entertaining and the soundtrack rocks! It's a really long video. 4 stars
3/09/01 Jake Yeah, a gem of a film. Not! 1 stars
2/15/01 Kasha I've already seen it twelve times and still love it. 5 stars
1/29/01 Nic Overall, just a great movie. I'd watch it again and again! 5 stars
1/22/01 The Bomb 69 mildly entertaining, except when she sang, ewwww!!!! 3 stars
1/03/01 RAINBOW LOVED THE FLICK' WAS FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING 4 stars
12/08/00 Jon Wendt It's terrible 1 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla want tits and ass, get a porno, want musical, get west side story, but don't get this shit 1 stars
11/21/00 Kim I loved this movie, it was cute and innocent and definately worth buying 5 stars
9/06/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble Saw this flick with a chick. She hated it. 2 stars
8/23/00 Jon Wendt Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen 1 stars
8/14/00 TimmyToday PG-13! Not enough, 1 stars
8/10/00 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi If you're simply looking to kill a couple of hours, this is the way to do it... 3 stars
8/09/00 Poetcdh Good music, good looking stars-what's not to like 5 stars
8/09/00 PJ I volunteer this as the worst film of 2000, even worse than Battlefield Earth, suckarama!!! 1 stars
8/09/00 Manda The entire theatre was clapping and laughing with the movie. I'm going to buy this one. 5 stars
8/08/00 ibspoof As a guy I enjoyed it. 4 stars
8/08/00 Heather Keith script is rough, but very well acted 4 stars
8/07/00 **~**Persnickety**~** ok pretty lame, you can call every shot in this one 2 stars
8/07/00 bobbuttons goodman good, piper hot, tyra not. better than expected 4 stars
8/07/00 Cam A bar and hot as hell chicks wearing tighter than hell clothing. Mushy subplot for the g/f 5 stars
8/06/00 The Rock Better than the other releases...a real surprise 4 stars
8/06/00 silas without seeing this movie you'll notice that its unoriginal and proprietary(sp?) bullshit 1 stars
8/06/00 bullit17 Formulaic and not very original. But still entertaining and VERY easy on the eyes 4 stars
8/06/00 clark move over Natalie, here comes PIPER! 5 stars
8/04/00 Pub Crawler Total shallow boring poorly-made poorly-acted not even any nudity. soft core bullshit 1 stars
8/04/00 TimmyToday And I quote: "Less artsy more fartsy." 2 stars
8/03/00 Jokko Coyote Stupid. Tyra has 2 mins. of screen time, BTW. John Goodman is quite good. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  04-Aug-2000 (PG-13)
  DVD: 07-Jun-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  01-Jan-2001 (M)


Directed by
  David McNally

Written by
  Gina Wendkos
  Kevin Smith

Cast
  Piper Perabo
  Adam Alexi-Malle
  Tyra Banks
  Maria Bello
  Adam Garcia



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