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Overall Rating

Awesome: 10.07%
Worth A Look: 28.78%
Pretty Bad: 13.67%
Total Crap: 6.47%

13 reviews, 61 user ratings

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Whole Nine Yards, The
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by Slyder

"What can I say? Average comedy, nothing more"
3 stars

Well, well, well, I've heard about the pile of shit that has been hanging around both the doors of Mathew Perry and Bruce Willis. Willis at least kinda got rid of some with the Sixth Sense, but looking at this film, it looks like the old shit is back. Kind off, since this film manages to give you a bit of the feel good thing, and a few plot twists also make it watchable, but what else? Well, fortunately I saw this movie on cable, and when it ended I felt pretty much the same way that I felt when it started. Is that a good sign or not? Lets check it out.

Well, Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Perry), who has no relationship with our fellow reviewer Oz, is basically a complete fucked up down-on-is-luck dentist living in Montreal, Canada, who can't stand his pain-in-the-ass wife Sophie (Rosanna Arquette), and much less his pain-in-the-ass mother-in-law (Carmen Ferland). But then a new neighbor moves in next to him. As he goes to greet this new neighbor he realizes soon that he's Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudesky (Willis), a renowned hit man who has escaped Chicago and secretly moved to Montreal. Oz is shocked and tells the news to his wife and then he fucks it when he mentions that Janni Gogolack (Kevin Pollack), the mob guy who Tudeski is running from, has put a price on Tudeski's head. So, pressured from his bitch, and just to get her of his back, Oz goes to Chicago, taking the advice from his assistant Jill (Amanda Peet) to fuck the first girl suitable for his eyes. Well, he does, and it happens to be Tudeski's wife, Cynthia (Natasha Hendstridge), who is captive to Janni, whom Oz finally meets, thanks through Frankie Figgs (Michael Clarke Duncan), and, shit, I even go lost. But Sophie wants Oz dead, Jimmy wants his wife dead, and Jannie wants Jimmy dead, and who the fuck wants who dead. You figure out the rest

The lonely praise has to be the somehow clever plot. The many twists give an interesting hook that I would spoil the entire film for you, but yet it is this part of the film that makes the rest of the movie watchable. It was interesting that a film like this could work with so many characters and the usual comic moment and some action, plus the performance of the actors keep it watchable, well not that watchable but somewhat.

The praise ends there. Now what happened in this film that makes it not that watchable? It's stupidity, lack of comic originality, and Matthew Perry. The film has some of the most stupid attitude I've seen since Saving Silverman. Oz acts most of the time like a fucking jerk, and lets himself be dominated by Sophie and his Mother-in-law. His actions in many parts of the film are so inane that you just either want to feel sorry for the guy or just punch him in the face to wake him up. Well, who knows if that would help since neither a smash up in the sliding window in Willis' house helped. Most of the humor unfortunately also fails somehow, and again, the humor originality lacks, and when the originality shows up, it ends up being the only true comic moments, like the Sliding window scene, and somewhat the "hitting your head against the steering wheel scene." But other than that most of the humor is forced, and the unavoidable one-liner pops up in many of the scenes, hence the film turns out to be another formulaic exercise, with basically nothing worth showing. Director Jonathan Lynn simply makes his actors just act shallow, plus he fails to come up with originality for the humor or for basically everything else, the few action scenes in the movie are immediately trashed by forceful goofy humor, and at the end the final product brings almost nothing new. Sure the film is basically watchable, but it ain't "OSCAR" material

The performances of the film were average, though my only praise would go to Willis, since I see him in a relatively different role than the usual "action star" type of shit. Matthew Perry is as pathetic as he would ever be, but hey, that sounds pretty much like Matthew Perry doesn't he. The rest of the supporting cast was also average, except Michael Clarke Duncan, who the only other actor that I praise in this film, but other than that, there’s nothing worth to comment, not even Peet showing her boobies in this film make me change my opinion.

In the end, the film isn't recommendable, despite being average, since the film lacks the humor that you could expect on a comedy. Most of it is forced, and Matthew Perry acts like an asshole, which of course, doesn't help that much. So you may want to avoid this film and go see something better, like Analyze This, or simply not see anything at all and go to bed, give the TV a rest. (2.5-5)

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originally posted: 07/05/01 12:40:40
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User Comments

9/22/17 morris campbell fun if slight 3 stars
12/29/09 Dane Youssef A fun lightweight dark comedy from John Lynn. The cast deserves a whole Oscar. 4 stars
12/19/09 Jeff Wilder Lightweight yet fun. 3 stars
7/29/09 the dork knight It doesn't get funnier if Chandler slams into walls 500 times. I liked Arquette and Peet. 2 stars
12/15/07 Pamela White Bruce makes a better hitman than comedian but Perry keeps the laughs coming 4 stars
10/16/06 Charles Tatum Perry tries, some laughs and Peet's boobs save it 3 stars
8/25/05 ES I occassionally like mayo on my burger and fries 2 stars
6/05/05 Ubu the Ripper OK if you have nothing else to do and no one to do it with. 3 stars
4/24/05 DM Enjoyable, well-acted, goofy fluff 4 stars
3/11/05 Jeff Anderson Pretty funny & Peet is a STANDOUT! David Franco's ugly lensing of Montreal is poor, though! 3 stars
3/10/05 Fake Name Here Funny fluff, Arquette weirdly hysterical 4 stars
8/12/04 DJ ROXORZ JOO 5 stars
7/11/04 gag started off well....then turned down right ludicrous. fuck the dick head director 1 stars
4/24/04 J An entertaining movie! *** 4 stars
4/12/04 R.W. Welch Mildly amusing mob comedy, good turn by Willis. 3 stars
10/19/03 Curious George very good 5 stars
10/17/03 Josh Standlee Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry are a perfect combination! It's one hell of a funny movie! 5 stars
10/09/03 Tomo very good movie 5 stars
8/06/03 Kamie Hey i liked it, im lookin forward to the second one 4 stars
5/27/03 JoeSco Better than a Perry film should be and Natasha and Amanda are hot 4 stars
4/17/03 Andrew Carden Henstridge and Peet Provide Sex Appeal...but The Film Is Rarely Funny and Overlong. 2 stars
10/20/02 Paul Amanda Peet holding a gun, naked, is definately worth a look 4 stars
5/18/02 Dark Barøn Perry, drop the Chandler jokes already. Everything else was fine. 4 stars
4/01/02 Jim Chandler Bing meets the Sopranos; dumb cops steal the movie at the end 4 stars
2/20/02 Xaver The plot is quite clever. Loved the comedy. 4 stars
12/29/01 Doug Very funny. 5 stars
10/31/01 Casey GREAT MOVIE, i think i saw it about 20 times, Matthew Perry is the hottest man alive! 5 stars
10/30/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Bruce Willis is pretty cool, Matthew Perry's funny, and Amanda Peet's hot. 3 stars
10/06/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Good. 3 stars
8/06/01 badfish Gotta love Brucie Baby! 5 stars
7/06/01 Roy Smith Mathew Perry is useless but Willis is a pro. 4 stars
5/05/01 The Chosen One Perry's a fuck up, but Peet makes it worth it 4 stars
2/19/01 Katie Excellent 5 stars
2/19/01 Phil M. Afficianado TheAngryJew's review is right on. It brightened a night on the road in a cheap motel room. 4 stars
2/19/01 Nic Saw it once - Would almost for sure never see it again. 3 stars
2/19/01 nicky the whole nine yards is awesome and matthew perry is so sexy 5 stars
1/10/01 Redbird The presence of Rosanna Arquette and Amanda Peete are enough to make this movie watchable 4 stars
10/22/00 Gremlin Well, I thought it was funny. 5 stars
10/02/00 Trina I like anything with WIllis in it 4 stars
9/06/00 Melis disappointing 3 stars
8/08/00 scott It was a real turd....but the tits were nice. 2 stars
7/25/00 Monday Morning There are more laughs in any average TV sitcom. Very disappointing. 2 stars
7/24/00 The Bomb 69 few laughs, a VERY average movie 3 stars
4/11/00 Ernie Levesque Leave your morals behind and sit back and enjoy! 4 stars
4/04/00 Belinda A video job if that! 2 stars
4/02/00 LucyB Fun Movie. Some Hillarious scenes.Credit goes to Mathew for all the best parts. 4 stars
3/31/00 Bruce A comedy right? So where are the laughs? 2 stars
3/16/00 Debra Worst movie I've seen in years. Dull, dull, dull !!!! 1 stars
3/14/00 Efman Fluffy first date flick... whats with the graphic killings?? 4 stars
3/08/00 Tom Burg the only reason you would think it's funny is because the ads told you it was 1 stars
3/03/00 Jackie Hilarious!!! Bruce & Matthew are brilliant! 5 stars
3/02/00 Sherry It was hilarious! 5 stars
2/29/00 Rachem A renter if I ever saw one. 3 stars
2/29/00 Zaw Oo Good ending. 5 stars
2/27/00 Jason Kallelis Great movie! Go see it. 4 stars
2/26/00 Poetcdh Funny film 4 stars
2/25/00 Allan Highly entertaining. Loved hating Rosana Arquette. 5 stars
2/21/00 Lindsay Alright. 3 stars
2/21/00 voyant bruce willis should play hitmen more often 4 stars
2/16/00 Andi very funny...not disappointing 3 stars
2/16/00 Amy wait for the video 3 stars
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