Reviewed By Rob Gonsalves
Posted 02/06/10 13:32:14

"For hardcore pom fans only."
1 stars (Total Crap)

You have no idea how much I'd love to announce that "Quigley" is so insane and surreal it rockets beyond bad and crashes into brilliance. For here we have a film in which Gary Busey dies and comes back as a pomeranian. What's more, we often see Busey wearing a dog collar, looking roughly as bugfuck as he used to look on "I'm with Busey." He sometimes growls and barks, too. Anyone who appreciates the twilight zone that is Busey might be expecting an extreme cult classic, something to be enjoyed in an altered state.

Alas, no state is altered enough to enjoy Quigley. And I speak as an owner of two pomeranians, one of whom looks exactly like Quigley. The movie amused me on that level. Our Quigley lookalike watched the DVD for a while, then got bored and went off to play with a cherry tomato. I suggest you do likewise. Quigley is a painfully cheap movie, shot on ugly digital video (with the most inept opening-credits animation ever), sporting several ghastly ballads on the soundtrack. The pom sure is cute, though.

Busey plays Archie, a mean rich guy who hates dogs. He dies in a car accident, and the management in Heaven decides he needs to repent by carrying out two missions back on Earth not as Archie, but as a white pom named Quigley. Only Archie's guardian angel Sweeney (Oz Perkins) is able to see Archie as Archie, which means that whenever Busey and Perkins share a scene, we get to see Busey collared and looking irritated or stoned or both.

Archie/Quigley must destroy a CD-ROM that contains a harsh speech Archie was going to deliver to his videogame company's stockholders. Then he must improve the fortunes of his brother (Christopher Atkins) by delivering bro's crappy videogame to his old company. Along the way, Quigley must save his little niece, who stupidly got lost in the woods. Absolutely none of this is interesting or entertaining, not even on the level of "I am actually watching a pomeranian who's supposed to be Gary Busey. Gary Busey."

Quigley is "family-approved," which means it's God-fearin' (maybe that's why the born-again Busey agreed to be in it, other than the cash). There's some talk about forgiveness and redemption, and Archie's brother's family holds hands and says grace at the table. That's not really offensive, though. What is offensive is the apparent limit of three boring California locations for the whole movie (run, Quigley, run down the same hallway over and over!) and the vision of Heaven as a place with a couch, a mirror, a fog machine, and astroturf.

You were expecting "Oh Heavenly Dog" with extra added Busey-crazy? Nope. This is not the kind of bad movie you can get sloshed and enjoy ironically. I don't even think it could benefit from Rifftrax. It's the kind of bad movie that encourages fast-forwarding or playing with a cherry tomato.

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